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Story time. Long time lurker, first time writer. Please be gentle if i make formatting mistakes and correct me how to do it properly! I had what you could call

Story time. Long time lurker, first time writer. Please be gentle if i make formatting mistakes and correct me how to do it properly! I had what you could call psychotic episode 3 years ago. It started by hearing faint voices from neighbours apartment (not necesserarily talking about me, but regular everyday stuff.) I did not realise at the moment it was psychotic episode thing, i thought i just heared background noises. Mind you my current apartment was very well sound proofed but. i shrugged that off easily (voice can travel via air vents and so son). So after couple of months i went on this electronic music festival in the woods (medium size forest festival in Finland) and in there i started hearing "other people" (whom i/we did not know) talking about me and my current fiance when we were in out tent. First i thought it was my friends joking, but then realized it is not the case. This is where i got kinda anxious and my SO understood that something is wrong and luckily got me some medication for getting sleep (Clonazepin). After that i stayed at the tent for the end of the festival (luckily only for one day) and was paranoid that people were talking about me and my fiance and felt very anxious about the whole situation. After couple of days when we arrived back at home it started getting more serious overtone. Sidenote: I did not do mind altering drugs at the festival. I was there building the festival and its music stages and planned to enjoy festival after the work was done. So these extra voices continued to haunt me back at home too. First they were malicious in their intend, trying to spook me first in very very mundane things (did you forget to pay parking ticket etc) and then started to proceed to more deeper things like my life choices / regrets i might have had and so on. They also told me that there are cameras in next side building filming me (did not really believe this). They also tried to convince me that they are actually gods and that i could too become god if i would kill myself. I laughed to this idea and told them that i am happy being human and would never wanna be god and/or like them. This whole voice thing affected my possibility to get to sleep, so i could not sleep for 3-4 days in a row and that just worsened the situation, problem was not necessarily the amount of extra voices but sleep deprivation lowered my capacity to handle the criticism, ignore the things voices tol me, put things in more realistic perspective or try to reason with the voices. So at this point i decided it is time to get some professional help and listed myself in an mental ward for evaluation. I was there for 3 weeks and they started me on some basic antipsychotics and sleeping aids that they usually give for first time psychotic breaks and i managed to get somewhat proper sleep but the voice symptoms did not go away. After 3 weeks i got out from the hospital (with open ticket to comeback as soon as i feel like it) still hearing the voices in my head, but had medication with me (that really did not help at all, just made me emotionally numb). During next 1-1.5 years i went through multiple different typical and atypical antipsychotic medications and none of them gave any relief for the hallucinations. At this point the hallucinations started appearing in visual field too. I have aphantasia so the visual hallucinations appearing when i closed my eyes were very non clear, more like black on black shades. Like i could see shadows morphing to different shapes like humans running through my vision field, human shaped things holding guns, some alien like creatures and so on. Once there even was a boomer for left for dead gameseries and conehead esque figures (that was kinda funny). It was like they were trying to intimidate me believing they were aliens. Oh and i have never seen Conehead movie btw. Some times eyes open i even saw pretty nicely "rendered" 3d hologram koi fishes floating on my ceiling and other pretty amazing visuazinery. The holograms were made of tiny blue dots and if they pop out from the surface i could push my hand through em and if i tilted my viewpoint the hologram would also tilt (so i could look at the back and/or sides of them). Weirdly when these eye open visual come to play the voices were very nicely to me and told me that "this is just a play and or playing" and it kinda felt like they were just showing me cool things they can do. It did not feel malicious at the time. More like a show off of a skills. These voiced entities (which there was multiple at the time, like 10 or so) showed me amazing sights projected on the ceilings and i would chit chat with them about them sometimes in wonder of the imagenary. (at this point me overall reaction to this started to became more mundane than scared because they were not aggressive towards me). So some days after this event i went to see my parents (whom i have very good relations with) for a week and there stuff turned pretty evil. The sounds started to tell me that i should kill my self to be reborn as god or kill my parents to become a god. This is of course refused because even i was experiencing psychotic hallucinations i was not psychotic or manic, granted i was sleep deprived but not "crazy" and did not think of doing anything stupid, was just really really tired. This was the second time i went to psychic ward because i really needed some strong medication to get sleep. I was there for 4-5 days and got out feeling better.

Audience7584 2y ago
(continuing my comment) Right from at the beginning there were 2 different entities talking to me. They were usually one woman and one men. These entities (like all the other entities) only understood my native tongue if i talked (in my mind) for them in literary language (Im Finnish btw), but if i started using some of multible dialects we have in Finland they could not follow me at all and got angry. They also had problem understanding English in which i am pretty fluent. What they basicly did whas dig all the dirt (from my mind) from my past life and tried to prosecude me for them and judge me because of them. They also threatened that i am going to hell for these things i have done to what i answered that i don't really believe in a hell in a way traditional christians or other religions believe. Something good came out from this because during this "mind interrogation" time i succeeded to process lots of my traumas and bad doings from the past and after processing, understanding and integrating them they could not hold those things anymore against me. So, thank entities i think! :D Oh, these entities changed to other entities once in a while, like new ones came in a play and old ones briefed the new ones about me, current situation, my beliefs and so on. Multiple times they asked each other and me what do i believe (as in religion, after life etc.) and then started acting based on that. I notied multiple times they skipped the briefing and they started doing roles they already had done (like going to hell, we are gods etc). They also had this weird weird fascination of my religious beliefs, like what do i believe now and what do i believe happens after dead. It felt to methat they ment to use these as some sort of base for their acting roles. They got weird when i explained them that i don't believe in God in traditional sense, maybe as a ultimate creator or something completly different consisting of everything (but lets not deep dive there). When i told them that we humans have this simulation theory that is a possibility they went kinda nuts and some got very angry to me and told me that the theory is idiotic and that i am idiotic. Then some of the entities said it was actually a good theory and explained it in more datail to another entities whom some of them then actually started to think it as a good way to look universe. But they did not like the idea that there might be another simulation over our simulation and so on. Some entities bluntly said that it was "very fucking worrying idea". At some point we got over the whole religion and belief thing and the direction of conversations changed. I kinda disarmed them from the usual hell/good/evil/god/angles narrative by telling them that i don't belong to any religion but i believe in my own personal way. So, this far it has been only "mental" things. Then it started to proceed pseudo-physical. At some point i started getting pseudo-physical feelings from the entities. Like muscle twitches, ringing in ears (kinda like tinnitus but lasting only like 10-15 seconds a time), static electricity feeling on my hair/sculpt and pushing/pulling/twisting sensation on "ghost limbs, ghost toes, ghost foot". I would feel that they would twist my big toe or my leg. It did not hurt but i could sense my foot/limb/toe moving. The sensation stopped right when i moved my real phyical body part. To make it sure for myself that my bodyparts were not moving i was watching my toe when they did it and physical toe did not move but i felt it was moving. Right when i moved my real toe the feeling stopped. I also felt this "pushing" power sometimes at certain points on my body. I could not figure out what could do this in physics (im a strong believer in physics and laws of nature) i just don't have knowledge of idea howto start trying to measure if there is some force that could do this kind of sensations :) Regarding the stuff they say. They lie all the time and play roles. I tried this by starting to think some occultic sect kinda thing and almost right away they started roleplaying occultic rituals and stuff related to it to me. Same thing when i started thinkin about alies and (lol) mind control technology from military. So they kinda feed from your thoughs and just go with it. The one and only thing entities have told me that was true and that i had not known previously was that Finnish as language is related (by a long way) to Sanskrit, but that could just been a joke from them that happened to be true. When entity told me another one got angry and said something like "Now he thinks everything we say to him is not a lie!". Other than this they have been mostly attacking my inner monologue and inner thoughts trying to get me feel bad about myself (which i am not - im 100% in balance with my self, my life decisions, my life projectory and have integrated my "Jungian shadow" pretty well to my psyche). From this 3 year period i was also working 1.5 years full time. This things did not really affect my work performance, only thing that happened when i was working that these entities would talk between each others that they don't understand at all what i am doing. Im by the way going back to workforce probably at the beginning of next month wish me luck ;) I also do electronic music as a hobby (shameless selfplug: https://soundcloud.com/lappuliisa https://soundcloud.com/lappuliisa ) and this they find very interesting. They appreciate music and musicians and are fascinated about someone creating it but they don't seem get free jazz at all. When i produce music they usually leave me completly alone and let me do my thing. Usually if new entity comes in to the play and noticed that i do music he/she will tell me my music sucks but right after that other entities come and say that "he really does good music and is very talented in that field". So i think i have fan base there :D haha. I also can't say that they are evil or good. It is almost they lack the idea of evil and good, they are more like instinct driven beings. I mean sure it is evil to say someone "kill yourself" or "kill your parents" but even then it feels like they don't have capability for empathy in same way as we have. They are pretty black and white in their opinions. So thanks for the rant :) I have stopped taking my antipsychotic medication because they did not help with the symptoms in a long run and actually worsened the way i could face these things and go on my life with them. I have talked about with with my doctors and they agree with me. I have good support net on family side and also on medical side so if it seems that things start to spiral out of control there is multiple catch points to grab me and get me then maybe needed help. All the best for you and if any of you have any further questions please respond to this thread and or send me email (email is in my profile). Good Wednesday for everyone from Finland!

Audience7584 2y ago

(continuing my comment) Right from at the beginning there were 2 different entities talking to me. They were usually one woman and one men. These entities (like all the other entities) only understood my native tongue if i talked (in my mind) for them in literary language (Im Finnish btw), but if i started using some of multible dialects we have in Finland they could not follow me at all and got angry. They also had problem understanding English in which i am pretty fluent. What they basicly did whas dig all the dirt (from my mind) from my past life and tried to prosecude me for them and judge me because of them. They also threatened that i am going to hell for these things i have done to what i answered that i don't really believe in a hell in a way traditional christians or other religions believe. Something good came out from this because during this "mind interrogation" time i succeeded to process lots of my traumas and bad doings from the past and after processing, understanding and integrating them they could not hold those things anymore against me. So, thank entities i think! :D Oh, these entities changed to other entities once in a while, like new ones came in a play and old ones briefed the new ones about me, current situation, my beliefs and so on. Multiple times they asked each other and me what do i believe (as in religion, after life etc.) and then started acting based on that. I notied multiple times they skipped the briefing and they started doing roles they already had done (like going to hell, we are gods etc). They also had this weird weird fascination of my religious beliefs, like what do i believe now and what do i believe happens after dead. It felt to methat they ment to use these as some sort of base for their acting roles. They got weird when i explained them that i don't believe in God in traditional sense, maybe as a ultimate creator or something completly different consisting of everything (but lets not deep dive there). When i told them that we humans have this simulation theory that is a possibility they went kinda nuts and some got very angry to me and told me that the theory is idiotic and that i am idiotic. Then some of the entities said it was actually a good theory and explained it in more datail to another entities whom some of them then actually started to think it as a good way to look universe. But they did not like the idea that there might be another simulation over our simulation and so on. Some entities bluntly said that it was "very fucking worrying idea". At some point we got over the whole religion and belief thing and the direction of conversations changed. I kinda disarmed them from the usual hell/good/evil/god/angles narrative by telling them that i don't belong to any religion but i believe in my own personal way. So, this far it has been only "mental" things. Then it started to proceed pseudo-physical. At some point i started getting pseudo-physical feelings from the entities. Like muscle twitches, ringing in ears (kinda like tinnitus but lasting only like 10-15 seconds a time), static electricity feeling on my hair/sculpt and pushing/pulling/twisting sensation on "ghost limbs, ghost toes, ghost foot". I would feel that they would twist my big toe or my leg. It did not hurt but i could sense my foot/limb/toe moving. The sensation stopped right when i moved my real phyical body part. To make it sure for myself that my bodyparts were not moving i was watching my toe when they did it and physical toe did not move but i felt it was moving. Right when i moved my real toe the feeling stopped. I also felt this "pushing" power sometimes at certain points on my body. I could not figure out what could do this in physics (im a strong believer in physics and laws of nature) i just don't have knowledge of idea howto start trying to measure if there is some force that could do this kind of sensations :) Regarding the stuff they say. They lie all the time and play roles. I tried this by starting to think some occultic sect kinda thing and almost right away they started roleplaying occultic rituals and stuff related to it to me. Same thing when i started thinkin about alies and (lol) mind control technology from military. So they kinda feed from your thoughs and just go with it. The one and only thing entities have told me that was true and that i had not known previously was that Finnish as language is related (by a long way) to Sanskrit, but that could just been a joke from them that happened to be true. When entity told me another one got angry and said something like "Now he thinks everything we say to him is not a lie!". Other than this they have been mostly attacking my inner monologue and inner thoughts trying to get me feel bad about myself (which i am not - im 100% in balance with my self, my life decisions, my life projectory and have integrated my "Jungian shadow" pretty well to my psyche). From this 3 year period i was also working 1.5 years full time. This things did not really affect my work performance, only thing that happened when i was working that these entities would talk between each others that they don't understand at all what i am doing. Im by the way going back to workforce probably at the beginning of next month wish me luck ;) I also do electronic music as a hobby (shameless selfplug: https://soundcloud.com/lappuliisa https://soundcloud.com/lappuliisa ) and this they find very interesting. They appreciate music and musicians and are fascinated about someone creating it but they don't seem get free jazz at all. When i produce music they usually leave me completly alone and let me do my thing. Usually if new entity comes in to the play and noticed that i do music he/she will tell me my music sucks but right after that other entities come and say that "he really does good music and is very talented in that field". So i think i have fan base there :D haha. I also can't say that they are evil or good. It is almost they lack the idea of evil and good, they are more like instinct driven beings. I mean sure it is evil to say someone "kill yourself" or "kill your parents" but even then it feels like they don't have capability for empathy in same way as we have. They are pretty black and white in their opinions. So thanks for the rant :) I have stopped taking my antipsychotic medication because they did not help with the symptoms in a long run and actually worsened the way i could face these things and go on my life with them. I have talked about with with my doctors and they agree with me. I have good support net on family side and also on medical side so if it seems that things start to spiral out of control there is multiple catch points to grab me and get me then maybe needed help. All the best for you and if any of you have any further questions please respond to this thread and or send me email (email is in my profile). Good Wednesday for everyone from Finland!