4 ms·

> values, negative feedback loop insecurity types These seem very hard to handle indeed, and probably nothing like the little arguments written on that page, a

by jraph 2y ago

> values, negative feedback loop insecurity types These seem very hard to handle indeed, and probably nothing like the little arguments written on that page, at least at the top (I haven't read everything). There are definitely people who like the little arguments. If you trust each others, you know it's not important. It must spice things up. It's part of the fun. It builds complicity. It's probably a bit like teasing. At least, that's how I feel when reading that page. The little arguments become serious when they are about stuff that cause frustration to the level that the frustration grows (slowly) over time and becomes unbearable. Those things are to discuss seriously. You can't have such funny little arguments on things that make you uneasy. I'm not currently experiencing much of such little arguments, not sure we work like this, but I like a little teasing for sure. Good luck and take care.

pas 2y ago
the one about presents seems very unhealthy. (and in general the whole situation.) the depicted Margaret character seems to be very demanding, arbitrary, vindictive, petty, has double standards, has self-control issues (kicking the driver's seat from behind, narrating movies[5], offering unsolicited remarks[4]), she does not seem to recognize boundaries (asking him during movies), she seems to be sexually promiscuous[3], extreme insecurity issues[2], issues with attention and focus[1], ... and so on. I tend to believe that Mil embellishes the stories, also he seems to have the kind of sense of humor that can withstand, thrive on, and mayhaps even require this level of interpersonal intensity. Also he seems much older, and she seems much hotter. So maybe "it" equals out. . The novel[6], that eventually sprung out from the site, seems to be pretty okay, a bit of absurdist-realist comedy, maybe like Hugh Laurie's The Gun Seller light edition. . . [1] "Margret jack-knifes from argument to argument, jigs direction randomly and erratically like a shoal of Argument Fish being followed by a Truth Shark." [2] "Those trousers make your backside look fat" [3] photo album in Berlin at a friend, "shots of Margret naked" [4] see the entry with "The television is showing Baywatch." [5] "when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary" [6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Things_My_Girlfriend_and_I_Have_Argued_About https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Things_My_Girlfriend_and_I_Hav...
vhiremath4 2y ago
This is such a great distinction (teasing vs. built resentment). I think there was definitely mounting resentment from both ends (and I’m not a saint/the victim here). There were also arguments we’d have where both of us didn’t take things seriously and it was just fun/added some spice. Thank you!
- jraph 2y ago
  In any case don't be too hard on yourself. Such relationships are not meant for bringing anxiety. It seems people need to be enough self-confident for a healthy relationship to work well. As sad as it can feel, when someone feels insecure, that's something that's, apparently, usually too difficult for a partner to fix, alone anyway.
  - vhiremath4 2y ago
    Thank you so much for these words.

by jraph 2y ago

pas 2y ago

the one about presents seems very unhealthy. (and in general the whole situation.) the depicted Margaret character seems to be very demanding, arbitrary, vindictive, petty, has double standards, has self-control issues (kicking the driver's seat from behind, narrating movies[5], offering unsolicited remarks[4]), she does not seem to recognize boundaries (asking him during movies), she seems to be sexually promiscuous[3], extreme insecurity issues[2], issues with attention and focus[1], ... and so on. I tend to believe that Mil embellishes the stories, also he seems to have the kind of sense of humor that can withstand, thrive on, and mayhaps even require this level of interpersonal intensity. Also he seems much older, and she seems much hotter. So maybe "it" equals out. . The novel[6], that eventually sprung out from the site, seems to be pretty okay, a bit of absurdist-realist comedy, maybe like Hugh Laurie's The Gun Seller light edition. . . [1] "Margret jack-knifes from argument to argument, jigs direction randomly and erratically like a shoal of Argument Fish being followed by a Truth Shark." [2] "Those trousers make your backside look fat" [3] photo album in Berlin at a friend, "shots of Margret naked" [4] see the entry with "The television is showing Baywatch." [5] "when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary" [6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Things_My_Girlfriend_and_I_Have_Argued_About https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Things_My_Girlfriend_and_I_Hav...

vhiremath4 2y ago

This is such a great distinction (teasing vs. built resentment). I think there was definitely mounting resentment from both ends (and I’m not a saint/the victim here). There were also arguments we’d have where both of us didn’t take things seriously and it was just fun/added some spice. Thank you!

jraph 2y ago
In any case don't be too hard on yourself. Such relationships are not meant for bringing anxiety. It seems people need to be enough self-confident for a healthy relationship to work well. As sad as it can feel, when someone feels insecure, that's something that's, apparently, usually too difficult for a partner to fix, alone anyway.
- vhiremath4 2y ago
  Thank you so much for these words.