I took this to mean that the arbitrary decisions apple make about what you can do no longer apply. For example, apple didn’t allow you to have a custom dialer,

I took this to mean that the arbitrary decisions apple make about what you can do no longer apply. For example, apple didn’t allow you to have a custom dialer, and have not approved fart soundboards due to there already being many. These are all specific well known and publicised restrictions that the author was turning into a parody. As you thought the author was being literal you clearly aren’t part of the target audience.