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> We create meaning around the stress and soften transitions with rituals and rites of passage. I graduated into the height of the pandemic, so I never had a g

> We create meaning around the stress and soften transitions with rituals and rites of passage. I graduated into the height of the pandemic, so I never had a graduation ceremony. Instead, they played a shitty video presentation over Zoom and my parents cracked open a beer and watched it on TV. By the time I got invited back for a ceremony, I had already moved hundreds of miles away from my university. Obviously, I turned down the offer. I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line.

helsinki 2y ago
You won’t.
hemloc_io 2y ago
As someone who also graduated during the pandemic an moved across the country. Maybe man, but honestly it just isn't the same as actually getting to say goodbye to your friends. Out of all of the things that went poorly that year, ppl missing their graduations is definitely pretty low on that list, but on a personal level it just really sucked having your entire social circle just disappear out of your life basically randomly.
dustincoates 2y ago
> Obviously, I turned down the offer. I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. I could not tell you a single thing about my graduation ceremony.
- icedchai 2y ago
  Same. It's been over 2 decades. I was practically a different person.
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
I don't regret skipping college graduation and I barely remember high school graduation I do regret that I didn't join any clubs in college until my last semester, and that I didn't make the kind of friendships I wanted
- ghaff 2y ago
  One of the clubs I belonged to (film committee) is pretty much the only college group I stay in touch with.
- eru 2y ago
  I didn't join many clubs when I was in university (in Germany). But for my first job I lived in Cambridge, and just attended clubs at the local university over there, and they mostly just let me in. I have particularly fond memories of the Diplomacy club: https://www.cambridgesu.co.uk/organisation/7831/ https://www.cambridgesu.co.uk/organisation/7831/
- bee_rider 2y ago
  ^ listen to this person. The ceremonies at the beginning and the end—not a big deal. The part that matters is what you do there. I think the celebrations are more for the parents, really. We live our lives in the bulk, the area, the day-to-day. We experience others’ lives at boundary transitions, the perimeter, the ending ceremonies.
  - j_bum 2y ago
    > I think the celebrations are more for the parents, really. This is important, and not to be brushed off. During my PhD, my program had what’s called a “white coat ceremony”. This is typically a medical school ceremony, but my grad program does it after the second year of study to recognize the transition from being a graduate “student” to a graduate “research assistant”. I was a very isolated and focused student, spending the majority of my waking time in lab from day one of school. By the end of year two, I already viewed myself as being fully immersed in research. So, the ceremony felt trivial to me, and I didn’t plan to attend. However, at the last minute, my advisor told me he wanted me to attend despite my protest. Due to the last minute change, I didn’t invite my parents to the ceremony, as they lived several hours away and I didn’t want them to feel obligated to travel on short notice. As the ceremony started, I immediately realized that it was just as much for the parents as it was for the students. So many parents were there, with clear pride at their children’s growth and success (even though most had no clue what their kids were even studying). I immediately and deeply regretted not telling my parents about the ceremony. I realized I had made a unilateral decision for them, and that my behavior was very self-oriented and inconsiderate of their desire to see me succeed. They were disappointed when I told them about it, and I apologized for not inviting them and acknowledged that it was a selfish thing. They’re chill people and didn’t make a fuss over it, but it was a closed door that could never be reopened. Two years later when I defended my dissertation, that was the moment I wanted my parents to be present, and of course they were. We had a blast celebrating afterwards, so all’s well that ends well. I strongly believe “maturation” happens in discrete moments, and the start of that white coat ceremony was one of those moments for me. I grew up a lot that day.
senkora 2y ago
Ironically, several of my friends and I got COVID at our delayed graduation ceremony. And they did multiple years of graduations at once, which made it exceptionally long. By the midway point even the professors onstage in their regalia were all scrolling on their phones. I think you made the right choice!
kayodelycaon 2y ago
Having been bored to death at a relatives ceremony, I skipped mine and went straight to celebrating with friends at a sushi bar. Grandma was a bit miffed. Rituals are what you make of them. :)
pradn 2y ago
These ceremonies are meaningful if you invest meaning into them. For my college graduation, the dean did something small to make the ceremony more meaningful. He asked us all to stand up, look back to our family, and applaud them for supporting us all these years. For me, looking back at my parents and thanking them for all they've done for me was a beautiful moment. And it was a full-circle moment for our family, the culmination of a long journey of immigrating to the US, moving around in search of stability. We had moved to be able to buy a house and to get us good, affordable educations. Both of those dreams were fulfilled at that time. I don't recall much else from that ceremony. Not the speakers, but a few of the interactions afterward with my fellow students and their families.
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  > He asked us all to stand up, look back to our family, and applaud them for supporting us all these years. God I have such a difficult relationship with my parents. Yes, their methods worked, but damn, I'll need years of therapy.
  - hnthrow10282910 2y ago
    Same here. Lots of stress and work for a career that causes me stress only to retire and die.
- ryukoposting 2y ago
  Fair. I hope my kids invest some meaning in it (assuming I have kids someday). Or maybe I don't care if they assign meaning to graduation? I always cared about school, but I saw it as a means to an end. I knew what I wanted to do from a pretty young age, the path to get there was pretty clear, and I went down that path and now here I am, happy that I made it. So, for me, the ceremony really was just a formality because I knew the real reward would be all the exciting stuff I get to do with my education. But, now I'm considering having a family in the next few years, and someday I might want to show them photos from my graduation. I can't do that, though.
_heimdall 2y ago
If it makes you feel better, my college graduation was the only one where my school decided to have an outdoor ceremony...in May in the deep south. Needless to say, wearing a black gown over dress cloths is not great when its 95F and humid out. For our families of all ages, sitting in the football stadium for hours in the middle of the day was even worse. Multiple people were taken to the hospital for heat stroke. Graduation was a decent excuse for my uncles and brother to come into town for a visit, but I would have happily celebrated graduation at a Mexican restaurant with air conditioning and a margarita without the big ceremony.
vampiresdoexist 2y ago
You won’t. It’s a small day in the grand scheme of things. I hope you make time for family and friends tho!
hirvi74 2y ago
I skipped mine. Graduating college was not something that I was necessarily proud of. I wouldn't dare try to take that feeling away from someone else though. For me? College was just an obstacle -- a chore -- that was just a step in a much longer journey.
justsomehnguy 2y ago
> I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. How many people regret not buying a high school ring?
dakiol 2y ago
I didn’t assist my bachelor degree and master degree graduation. Same for high school. But over here (southern and western europe), graduations are not like in the american movies. Never regretted not assisting.
albrewer 2y ago
> I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. As a data point, I skipped mine to sleep in; no regrets 11 years later

helsinki 2y ago

You won’t.

hemloc_io 2y ago

As someone who also graduated during the pandemic an moved across the country. Maybe man, but honestly it just isn't the same as actually getting to say goodbye to your friends. Out of all of the things that went poorly that year, ppl missing their graduations is definitely pretty low on that list, but on a personal level it just really sucked having your entire social circle just disappear out of your life basically randomly.

dustincoates 2y ago

> Obviously, I turned down the offer. I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. I could not tell you a single thing about my graduation ceremony.

icedchai 2y ago
Same. It's been over 2 decades. I was practically a different person.

01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago

I don't regret skipping college graduation and I barely remember high school graduation I do regret that I didn't join any clubs in college until my last semester, and that I didn't make the kind of friendships I wanted

ghaff 2y ago
One of the clubs I belonged to (film committee) is pretty much the only college group I stay in touch with.
eru 2y ago
I didn't join many clubs when I was in university (in Germany). But for my first job I lived in Cambridge, and just attended clubs at the local university over there, and they mostly just let me in. I have particularly fond memories of the Diplomacy club: https://www.cambridgesu.co.uk/organisation/7831/ https://www.cambridgesu.co.uk/organisation/7831/
bee_rider 2y ago
^ listen to this person. The ceremonies at the beginning and the end—not a big deal. The part that matters is what you do there. I think the celebrations are more for the parents, really. We live our lives in the bulk, the area, the day-to-day. We experience others’ lives at boundary transitions, the perimeter, the ending ceremonies.
- j_bum 2y ago
  > I think the celebrations are more for the parents, really. This is important, and not to be brushed off. During my PhD, my program had what’s called a “white coat ceremony”. This is typically a medical school ceremony, but my grad program does it after the second year of study to recognize the transition from being a graduate “student” to a graduate “research assistant”. I was a very isolated and focused student, spending the majority of my waking time in lab from day one of school. By the end of year two, I already viewed myself as being fully immersed in research. So, the ceremony felt trivial to me, and I didn’t plan to attend. However, at the last minute, my advisor told me he wanted me to attend despite my protest. Due to the last minute change, I didn’t invite my parents to the ceremony, as they lived several hours away and I didn’t want them to feel obligated to travel on short notice. As the ceremony started, I immediately realized that it was just as much for the parents as it was for the students. So many parents were there, with clear pride at their children’s growth and success (even though most had no clue what their kids were even studying). I immediately and deeply regretted not telling my parents about the ceremony. I realized I had made a unilateral decision for them, and that my behavior was very self-oriented and inconsiderate of their desire to see me succeed. They were disappointed when I told them about it, and I apologized for not inviting them and acknowledged that it was a selfish thing. They’re chill people and didn’t make a fuss over it, but it was a closed door that could never be reopened. Two years later when I defended my dissertation, that was the moment I wanted my parents to be present, and of course they were. We had a blast celebrating afterwards, so all’s well that ends well. I strongly believe “maturation” happens in discrete moments, and the start of that white coat ceremony was one of those moments for me. I grew up a lot that day.

senkora 2y ago

Ironically, several of my friends and I got COVID at our delayed graduation ceremony. And they did multiple years of graduations at once, which made it exceptionally long. By the midway point even the professors onstage in their regalia were all scrolling on their phones. I think you made the right choice!

kayodelycaon 2y ago

Having been bored to death at a relatives ceremony, I skipped mine and went straight to celebrating with friends at a sushi bar. Grandma was a bit miffed. Rituals are what you make of them. :)

pradn 2y ago

These ceremonies are meaningful if you invest meaning into them. For my college graduation, the dean did something small to make the ceremony more meaningful. He asked us all to stand up, look back to our family, and applaud them for supporting us all these years. For me, looking back at my parents and thanking them for all they've done for me was a beautiful moment. And it was a full-circle moment for our family, the culmination of a long journey of immigrating to the US, moving around in search of stability. We had moved to be able to buy a house and to get us good, affordable educations. Both of those dreams were fulfilled at that time. I don't recall much else from that ceremony. Not the speakers, but a few of the interactions afterward with my fellow students and their families.

anal_reactor 2y ago
> He asked us all to stand up, look back to our family, and applaud them for supporting us all these years. God I have such a difficult relationship with my parents. Yes, their methods worked, but damn, I'll need years of therapy.
- hnthrow10282910 2y ago
  Same here. Lots of stress and work for a career that causes me stress only to retire and die.
ryukoposting 2y ago
Fair. I hope my kids invest some meaning in it (assuming I have kids someday). Or maybe I don't care if they assign meaning to graduation? I always cared about school, but I saw it as a means to an end. I knew what I wanted to do from a pretty young age, the path to get there was pretty clear, and I went down that path and now here I am, happy that I made it. So, for me, the ceremony really was just a formality because I knew the real reward would be all the exciting stuff I get to do with my education. But, now I'm considering having a family in the next few years, and someday I might want to show them photos from my graduation. I can't do that, though.

_heimdall 2y ago

If it makes you feel better, my college graduation was the only one where my school decided to have an outdoor ceremony...in May in the deep south. Needless to say, wearing a black gown over dress cloths is not great when its 95F and humid out. For our families of all ages, sitting in the football stadium for hours in the middle of the day was even worse. Multiple people were taken to the hospital for heat stroke. Graduation was a decent excuse for my uncles and brother to come into town for a visit, but I would have happily celebrated graduation at a Mexican restaurant with air conditioning and a margarita without the big ceremony.

vampiresdoexist 2y ago

You won’t. It’s a small day in the grand scheme of things. I hope you make time for family and friends tho!

hirvi74 2y ago

I skipped mine. Graduating college was not something that I was necessarily proud of. I wouldn't dare try to take that feeling away from someone else though. For me? College was just an obstacle -- a chore -- that was just a step in a much longer journey.

justsomehnguy 2y ago

> I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. How many people regret not buying a high school ring?

dakiol 2y ago

I didn’t assist my bachelor degree and master degree graduation. Same for high school. But over here (southern and western europe), graduations are not like in the american movies. Never regretted not assisting.

albrewer 2y ago

> I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line. As a data point, I skipped mine to sleep in; no regrets 11 years later