4 ms·

> You see other breathing humans ...who will cheerfully explain to you that you're unhappy, your hobbies are empty, your choices as wrong, and how much happier

by bulatb 2y ago

> You see other breathing humans ...who will cheerfully explain to you that you're unhappy, your hobbies are empty, your choices as wrong, and how much happier you'd be if you'd just value what they value and like what they like and stop being you and start being them.

ethbr1 2y ago
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XvfImv9NseY&t=12s https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XvfImv9NseY&t=12s Cash in your ticket or get some joy out of the game.
- bulatb 2y ago
  Sorry for the snark. That was unproductive. My point is that if Alice has what she wants, Bob will not convince her that she doesn't by explaining that she ought to want what Bob wants, which she doesn't have or want. Especially if what Bob wants, and Alice doesn't, is for Alice to be social with Bob. "You don't live the way I want to" is an observation, not an argument for anyone to change their values or their life.
  - ethbr1 2y ago
    As a pretty serious introvert who may or may not have had depression during undergrad, my experience has been that the time I most need other people and social situations is exactly when I least feel like I want that. Which has made me suspicious of introversion as a local maximum that nonetheless leaves one depressed. Humans don't seem to be built to self-regulate, 24x7, forever. At some point we go off the rails, and other humans (and/or nature) are a good way to kick things back to normal. (And yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not a secret extrovert. It can be exhausting being around strangers when I'm down, but sometimes you need to jump off the waterfall and put on that smile that becomes real)
    - vladvasiliu 2y ago
      > my experience has been that the time I most need other people and social situations is exactly when I least feel like I want that. I'm conflicted. I think I get what you're saying, but it doesn't seem to be an argument against bulatb's point, in that both can be true. It's conceivable for me to want to feel like you don't want social interactions and pursue non-directly-social endeavors (think building something, learning an instrument, whatever) without actually being in need of social interaction. I think the point isn't that you should self-regulate 24x7, forever, but to do the social thing on your own terms, not on other people's schedule. Maybe it's a question of quantity. If you only ever do things alone at home and never go out in society, then perhaps there is an issue. It reminds me of alcoholism: wanting to have a drink and saying you're not an alcoholic doesn't mean you're one. It's a question of degree.
consteval 2y ago
This is my own personal experience and I'd like to preface this by saying that I hate the fact this is the case, but this was true for me. I was an introvert, or thought I was, for a long time. A homebody. But going out, and just being around other people, has legitimately improved my quality of life by an order of magnitude. It's very strange but I'm just... happier. It's like working out. You just do it, and then everything is better. I don't get anxious anymore. I like myself a lot more. I actually look forward to tomorrow, which used to never happen.

by bulatb 2y ago

ethbr1 2y ago

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XvfImv9NseY&t=12s https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XvfImv9NseY&t=12s Cash in your ticket or get some joy out of the game.

bulatb 2y ago
Sorry for the snark. That was unproductive. My point is that if Alice has what she wants, Bob will not convince her that she doesn't by explaining that she ought to want what Bob wants, which she doesn't have or want. Especially if what Bob wants, and Alice doesn't, is for Alice to be social with Bob. "You don't live the way I want to" is an observation, not an argument for anyone to change their values or their life.
- ethbr1 2y ago
  As a pretty serious introvert who may or may not have had depression during undergrad, my experience has been that the time I most need other people and social situations is exactly when I least feel like I want that. Which has made me suspicious of introversion as a local maximum that nonetheless leaves one depressed. Humans don't seem to be built to self-regulate, 24x7, forever. At some point we go off the rails, and other humans (and/or nature) are a good way to kick things back to normal. (And yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not a secret extrovert. It can be exhausting being around strangers when I'm down, but sometimes you need to jump off the waterfall and put on that smile that becomes real)
  - vladvasiliu 2y ago
    > my experience has been that the time I most need other people and social situations is exactly when I least feel like I want that. I'm conflicted. I think I get what you're saying, but it doesn't seem to be an argument against bulatb's point, in that both can be true. It's conceivable for me to want to feel like you don't want social interactions and pursue non-directly-social endeavors (think building something, learning an instrument, whatever) without actually being in need of social interaction. I think the point isn't that you should self-regulate 24x7, forever, but to do the social thing on your own terms, not on other people's schedule. Maybe it's a question of quantity. If you only ever do things alone at home and never go out in society, then perhaps there is an issue. It reminds me of alcoholism: wanting to have a drink and saying you're not an alcoholic doesn't mean you're one. It's a question of degree.

consteval 2y ago

This is my own personal experience and I'd like to preface this by saying that I hate the fact this is the case, but this was true for me. I was an introvert, or thought I was, for a long time. A homebody. But going out, and just being around other people, has legitimately improved my quality of life by an order of magnitude. It's very strange but I'm just... happier. It's like working out. You just do it, and then everything is better. I don't get anxious anymore. I like myself a lot more. I actually look forward to tomorrow, which used to never happen.