5 ms·

Agreed on your larger point, but I think one of the reasons the "syndrome" has had such staying power in our culture is that it's describing a very real thing p

Agreed on your larger point, but I think one of the reasons the "syndrome" has had such staying power in our culture is that it's describing a very real thing people see in the world (abusive relationships, bad working conditions, etc.)

spwa4 2y ago
... but one wonders how often abusive relationships are simply better than available alternatives.
- megous 2y ago
  eg.?
  - Scaevolus 2y ago
    Being homeless is the immediate alternative to many abusive situations.
    - jajko 2y ago
      Thats the more severe possibility, and I don't claim its not realistic. But from what I've seen so far, its more the fear of unknown and uncertainty. Fear of unknown can be very powerful, horror movies build mainly on this. Also cumulative hurt of staying, while being higher overall, is much less than single huge immediate dose of hurt received by running away, at least they project it this way. Put kids into the mix, and we have what we have.
      - rendx 2y ago
        If you were treated like shit when raised, you will believe being treated like shit later in life is something you need to accept. Or, the other way round: If you were raised to develop healthy boundaries, you will not end up in an abuse relationship later on in life.
    - HideousKojima 2y ago
      Sure, but there are also plenty of abusive situations where a friend or family member would be more than willing to take the abused person in (and the abused person knows this) and they still don't leave.
- GuB-42 2y ago
  Which seems to be the basis for the Stockholm syndrome to happen. The abusive relationship has to appear better than the available alternatives. There may be a few instances where it is true, but in many cases, it isn't.
- snapcaster 2y ago
  They often appear better to the victim (due to sunk costs, stockholm or whatever you want to call it, etc.). I don't think it's very common that they are better
kstenerud 2y ago
Except it's not. Abusive relationships begin based on trust, and then go bad as the abuser sets into their patterns. They're hard to break because they started off so (seemingly) well, and the victim starts second-guessing that maybe it was they who triggered this bad behavior (thus, they stay to try to fix it). It's also harder to break off something that you've invested so much into already. That's not at all the same thing as someone who starts off with a violent or threatening act.
- doe_eyes 2y ago
  Above all, people often stay in abusive relationships because of what they think is a rational analysis of the trade-offs. There are concerns about financial stability, uprooting your children's lives, losing friends, etc. In reality, the calculation tends to underestimate the risk of staying and overestimate the risk of leaving. But this is not unique to the victims of domestic abuse. It's the same reason people stick to bad jobs, depressing but non-abusive relationships, etc.

spwa4 2y ago

... but one wonders how often abusive relationships are simply better than available alternatives.

megous 2y ago
eg.?
- Scaevolus 2y ago
  Being homeless is the immediate alternative to many abusive situations.
  - jajko 2y ago
    Thats the more severe possibility, and I don't claim its not realistic. But from what I've seen so far, its more the fear of unknown and uncertainty. Fear of unknown can be very powerful, horror movies build mainly on this. Also cumulative hurt of staying, while being higher overall, is much less than single huge immediate dose of hurt received by running away, at least they project it this way. Put kids into the mix, and we have what we have.
    - rendx 2y ago
      If you were treated like shit when raised, you will believe being treated like shit later in life is something you need to accept. Or, the other way round: If you were raised to develop healthy boundaries, you will not end up in an abuse relationship later on in life.
  - HideousKojima 2y ago
    Sure, but there are also plenty of abusive situations where a friend or family member would be more than willing to take the abused person in (and the abused person knows this) and they still don't leave.
GuB-42 2y ago
Which seems to be the basis for the Stockholm syndrome to happen. The abusive relationship has to appear better than the available alternatives. There may be a few instances where it is true, but in many cases, it isn't.
snapcaster 2y ago
They often appear better to the victim (due to sunk costs, stockholm or whatever you want to call it, etc.). I don't think it's very common that they are better

kstenerud 2y ago

Except it's not. Abusive relationships begin based on trust, and then go bad as the abuser sets into their patterns. They're hard to break because they started off so (seemingly) well, and the victim starts second-guessing that maybe it was they who triggered this bad behavior (thus, they stay to try to fix it). It's also harder to break off something that you've invested so much into already. That's not at all the same thing as someone who starts off with a violent or threatening act.

doe_eyes 2y ago
Above all, people often stay in abusive relationships because of what they think is a rational analysis of the trade-offs. There are concerns about financial stability, uprooting your children's lives, losing friends, etc. In reality, the calculation tends to underestimate the risk of staying and overestimate the risk of leaving. But this is not unique to the victims of domestic abuse. It's the same reason people stick to bad jobs, depressing but non-abusive relationships, etc.