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> I don’t date based on politics That’s weird because at least in the US and UK people definitely do date based on this and it makes sense. If you are mildly

> I don’t date based on politics That’s weird because at least in the US and UK people definitely do date based on this and it makes sense. If you are mildly politically literate, then in those two countries, you know there’s really two realistic parties you can pick who are opposed from each other. Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better, and actively voting to make the country worse, regardless of your POV either way.

_yb2s 2y ago
It is weird… weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) You cannot solve real problems in the real world or actually make the future better with blind application of a simple ideology- real life is too nuanced and complex. You have to approach each individual problem with creativity, and an open mind. You also have to take an active leadership position to solve a real problem, not just watch TV and vote. If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.
- kingkongjaffa 2y ago
  > If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet. That seems super dismissive and disrespectful. Honestly HN is usually better than this. Being politically aligned is nothing like “wanting a pet” wtf. If anything it’s more equitable that you are aligned on your values whatever they might be. I have no idea how you can fail to recognise that a polarised two party system draws some pretty hard lines along your value system. Would you date a republican who supports removing abortion rights for women, would you date a tory who supports privatising vital public services for personal gain of the few? (Note I’ve used right wing policy's but you can pull left wing examples of this as well). > weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) This is such a strange thing to say, you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    You misunderstood everything I wrote. An intelligent person that is actually taking effective action according to their values doesn't see things in simple black and white political ideologies. Dating someone that sees the world so simply would be like dating a child or having a pet, not having an actual partner. Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Smart people that share my values don't have values that reduce to a simple political ideology or party. There is no nice way to say this- because you are saying you see the world this way, and I am saying anyone that sees the world that was is either naive or stupid. I don't mean to insult you or your views, but that's how I see it. I don't blame you if you find it insulting and are upset at me. For example, my fiancee and I work in totally different fields but both care a lot about climate change, and have developed solutions to mitigate its impacts. Both of us have received substantial financial and political support and work daily with people from "both sides" to make this work possible. A lot of conservatives care deeply about things like reducing foreign oil dependence, protecting farms and fisheries, and preventing climate related property damage- and are willing to spend big money on solving those problems. > you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN It's the simple truth, I'm someone that doesn't really try to "fit in" so I'm seen as weird by people that do, and I get along better with other people like that.
    - lotsofpulp 2y ago
      >Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Voting is an action. If my partner (or anyone else) tells me they are going to vote for the person headlining a goal of taking away my daughter's ability to get healthcare, then they move into the category of people who want to harm my children.
      - _yb2s 2y ago
        You are misunderstanding me in the same way the above poster is. Both you and them seem so obsessed with the idea of blind us vs them partisan politics, you can’t even comprehend that there are people that don’t think that way. It’s not that I would date someone with “opposing” partisan affiliation, but that I won’t date anyone that sees the world through a lens of politics instead of real issues they can solve with creativity and an open mind. If my/our kid was going to lose healthcare and all they did was vote for the latest liar that says the same old idea will solve that problem- they are either ignorant, or don’t actually care. The whole thing is largely a game people play to avoid guilt of not actually doing anything about the things they claim to care about… and is deeply encouraged in media and on social media to the point that people don’t even notice how absurd it is. Almost every older “boomer” that I know has their brain so infected with this they do nothing but watch TV and rant about politics… and of course take zero action besides voting- which shows the only care about the us vs them conflict and don’t actually care about any issues enough to do something real about them. I miss these people, sometimes it feels like they died because there is nothing left to their previous personalities. They take no actions, no risks, and have no ideas of their own anymore.
surgical_fire 2y ago
> Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics. My wife is a lot more conservative than me. But I don't care about politics that much, neither does her. We both like traveling, we both like football, we both support the same football team, we both enjoy cooking and have similar tastes for food, so on and so forth. All of those I rank higher than being with someone that happens to think like me in politics or economics.
- kingkongjaffa 2y ago
  > Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics. Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests. You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you. But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions.
  - surgical_fire 2y ago
    > Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests. I am not haughty nor arrogant enough to presume I know what is best for other people. Above all I value democracy. People can - and should - vote for whatever they want. That extends to the right of being oblivious to politics. > You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you That's not what I said. I said that my opinions on politics and economics don't sit front and center on my personal relationships. I pay attention to politics to understand where the wind blows. I have investments to manage, a mortgage to pay, and a daughter to raise. Understanding how to operate according to political and economic decisions by those in power is important. It just doesn't matter much for my personal relationships. > But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions. Freedom is not unlimited. Nor it should be. Democracy is above all a compromise that ensures nobody will be really happy.
    - _yb2s 2y ago
      I'm not sure what to do about this- how to relate to people whose single minded obsession with politics has tinted every aspect of their lives and thoughts, and they think people that don't see it that way are complicit with their "evil enemies." It's becoming more and more common, and awful. I see this a lot- my family can't even have holiday get togethers anymore, because people that used to get along great have now "joined opposite sides" and can't talk or think about anything else anymore. They'll start lecturing each other loudly, and literally can't think or listen to other people anymore. They do this even if everyone present agrees with them! What is actually happening is the opposite of what they seem think- it's not the other people that are checked out of real life and not taking a stand on things that are actually important-- it is them. Obsessively and angrily watching news doesn't solve problems, nor does blind application of any ideology. Ranting at people with your ears and mind shut down doesn't convince anyone of anything. A simple minded obsession like that can't exist in a healthy person that is actually engaged with the things they care about, and have personal control over. They're not good parents, family members, employees, or community members anymore - the kind of people engaged with making the world better through direct actions - but angry closed minded zealots. I'd like to help these people become human again, and stop obsessing over politics in a way that dehumanizes anyone that doesn't perfectly agree with them. My thought is that it is an emotional problem, and not about the politics at all. They seem to be projecting their own personal anxieties and fears into a political framework, as a distraction from understanding and dealing with them. Or conversely, politics has found a way to weaponize personal emotional problems as a way to engage supporters.

_yb2s 2y ago

It is weird… weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) You cannot solve real problems in the real world or actually make the future better with blind application of a simple ideology- real life is too nuanced and complex. You have to approach each individual problem with creativity, and an open mind. You also have to take an active leadership position to solve a real problem, not just watch TV and vote. If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.

kingkongjaffa 2y ago
> If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet. That seems super dismissive and disrespectful. Honestly HN is usually better than this. Being politically aligned is nothing like “wanting a pet” wtf. If anything it’s more equitable that you are aligned on your values whatever they might be. I have no idea how you can fail to recognise that a polarised two party system draws some pretty hard lines along your value system. Would you date a republican who supports removing abortion rights for women, would you date a tory who supports privatising vital public services for personal gain of the few? (Note I’ve used right wing policy's but you can pull left wing examples of this as well). > weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) This is such a strange thing to say, you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  You misunderstood everything I wrote. An intelligent person that is actually taking effective action according to their values doesn't see things in simple black and white political ideologies. Dating someone that sees the world so simply would be like dating a child or having a pet, not having an actual partner. Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Smart people that share my values don't have values that reduce to a simple political ideology or party. There is no nice way to say this- because you are saying you see the world this way, and I am saying anyone that sees the world that was is either naive or stupid. I don't mean to insult you or your views, but that's how I see it. I don't blame you if you find it insulting and are upset at me. For example, my fiancee and I work in totally different fields but both care a lot about climate change, and have developed solutions to mitigate its impacts. Both of us have received substantial financial and political support and work daily with people from "both sides" to make this work possible. A lot of conservatives care deeply about things like reducing foreign oil dependence, protecting farms and fisheries, and preventing climate related property damage- and are willing to spend big money on solving those problems. > you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN It's the simple truth, I'm someone that doesn't really try to "fit in" so I'm seen as weird by people that do, and I get along better with other people like that.
  - lotsofpulp 2y ago
    >Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Voting is an action. If my partner (or anyone else) tells me they are going to vote for the person headlining a goal of taking away my daughter's ability to get healthcare, then they move into the category of people who want to harm my children.
    - _yb2s 2y ago
      You are misunderstanding me in the same way the above poster is. Both you and them seem so obsessed with the idea of blind us vs them partisan politics, you can’t even comprehend that there are people that don’t think that way. It’s not that I would date someone with “opposing” partisan affiliation, but that I won’t date anyone that sees the world through a lens of politics instead of real issues they can solve with creativity and an open mind. If my/our kid was going to lose healthcare and all they did was vote for the latest liar that says the same old idea will solve that problem- they are either ignorant, or don’t actually care. The whole thing is largely a game people play to avoid guilt of not actually doing anything about the things they claim to care about… and is deeply encouraged in media and on social media to the point that people don’t even notice how absurd it is. Almost every older “boomer” that I know has their brain so infected with this they do nothing but watch TV and rant about politics… and of course take zero action besides voting- which shows the only care about the us vs them conflict and don’t actually care about any issues enough to do something real about them. I miss these people, sometimes it feels like they died because there is nothing left to their previous personalities. They take no actions, no risks, and have no ideas of their own anymore.

surgical_fire 2y ago

> Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics. My wife is a lot more conservative than me. But I don't care about politics that much, neither does her. We both like traveling, we both like football, we both support the same football team, we both enjoy cooking and have similar tastes for food, so on and so forth. All of those I rank higher than being with someone that happens to think like me in politics or economics.

kingkongjaffa 2y ago
> Most people in real life don't really give a fuck about politics. Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests. You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you. But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions.
- surgical_fire 2y ago
  > Which is a shame because if they did they wouldn't vote against their own interests. I am not haughty nor arrogant enough to presume I know what is best for other people. Above all I value democracy. People can - and should - vote for whatever they want. That extends to the right of being oblivious to politics. > You’re basically saying you’re fine either way so it doesn’t matter to you That's not what I said. I said that my opinions on politics and economics don't sit front and center on my personal relationships. I pay attention to politics to understand where the wind blows. I have investments to manage, a mortgage to pay, and a daughter to raise. Understanding how to operate according to political and economic decisions by those in power is important. It just doesn't matter much for my personal relationships. > But it does matter for a bunch of real people who’s freedoms are compromised by policy decisions. Freedom is not unlimited. Nor it should be. Democracy is above all a compromise that ensures nobody will be really happy.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    I'm not sure what to do about this- how to relate to people whose single minded obsession with politics has tinted every aspect of their lives and thoughts, and they think people that don't see it that way are complicit with their "evil enemies." It's becoming more and more common, and awful. I see this a lot- my family can't even have holiday get togethers anymore, because people that used to get along great have now "joined opposite sides" and can't talk or think about anything else anymore. They'll start lecturing each other loudly, and literally can't think or listen to other people anymore. They do this even if everyone present agrees with them! What is actually happening is the opposite of what they seem think- it's not the other people that are checked out of real life and not taking a stand on things that are actually important-- it is them. Obsessively and angrily watching news doesn't solve problems, nor does blind application of any ideology. Ranting at people with your ears and mind shut down doesn't convince anyone of anything. A simple minded obsession like that can't exist in a healthy person that is actually engaged with the things they care about, and have personal control over. They're not good parents, family members, employees, or community members anymore - the kind of people engaged with making the world better through direct actions - but angry closed minded zealots. I'd like to help these people become human again, and stop obsessing over politics in a way that dehumanizes anyone that doesn't perfectly agree with them. My thought is that it is an emotional problem, and not about the politics at all. They seem to be projecting their own personal anxieties and fears into a political framework, as a distraction from understanding and dealing with them. Or conversely, politics has found a way to weaponize personal emotional problems as a way to engage supporters.