4 ms·

And in the case of Bumble where the initiators are only women?

by datameta 2y ago

tennisflyi 2y ago
They changed it recently to reduce the burden - I’m not kidding
- datameta 2y ago
  Please explain, what do you mean by burden? To avoid me jumping to conclusions. You mean the heteronormative "burden" of the man shooting the first shot?
  - tennisflyi 2y ago
    Yes! https://finance.yahoo.com/news/bumble-relaunches-app-tool-relieve-121128209.html https://finance.yahoo.com/news/bumble-relaunches-app-tool-re...
  - Tade0 2y ago
    That's how they phrased it, but the underlying reason was that users weren't using the app as intended - those first moves quickly devolved into a token "hey".
    - datameta 2y ago
      I'm surprised that phenomenon wasn't called out virally just like men were dragged through internet streets in the mid 2010s with the rise of swiping-style app.
    - bdjsiqoocwk 2y ago
      Ahhh I just wrote the same thing, you beat me to it. Glad to see I'm not the only one with this reading.
    - ralferoo 2y ago
      It's a shame Bumble has changed. As a guy, I think even a token "hey" is good to know if they are at least interested in you. The ratios are skewed so badly that women get at least an order of magnitude more likes that men on average, so having the woman at least indicating that they are marginally interested lets you know it's worth spending the effort on making the next move. If you're an incredibly good looking guy, women will put some effort in, but for ordinary looking guys, the vast majority of women don't even bother to respond with an autoreply "sorry, not interested". They just ignore your message entirely, and there's only so many interesting and well-thought out first moves you can send based on something in someone's profile that you resonated with, only be be completely ignored, before you realise that it's all just an utter waste of time if you're not in that top 10% of guys. To me, it seems that Bumble doesn't really know what it's lost by changing that behaviour, as it's now become just another Tinder.
      - wakawaka28 2y ago
        >It's a shame Bumble has changed. As a guy, I think even a token "hey" is good to know if they are at least interested in you. It would be nice but women are literally flooded with options. You should know they're interested if they match with you and have a conversation with you. At least, you get the same information as a "hey" from that. Bumble is just trying to promote actual dates with their paying customers who don't get a "hey" and scarcely get a match in the first place, because women aren't very interested in dating normal guys.
        ddmf 2y ago
        Best description I heard of online dating is that women are dehydrated in the middle of the ocean and men are dehydrated in the desert.
      - ddmf 2y ago
        In my area a lot of women wouldn't respond either unless you had pushed the button that increases the match time, so it was match - wait for response - at 1 hour if you were really wanting to match extend match 24 hours, which then locks you in because you can only extend once per day, and then wait for response. Sort of understandable because the stereotype goes that most men will right swipe on all and then filter upon match whereas women will filter before swipe.
bdjsiqoocwk 2y ago
This never actually worked this way. Women are rarely ever the initiators, so what happened on Bumble is that women would say "hi" so that the man had the chance to actually initiate; if he didn't, nothing would happen. The real reason women are on bumble at all isn't because they like the gimmick. Instead they just hope that men there are better than the ones on tinder.
- wakawaka28 2y ago
  >The real reason women are on bumble at all isn't because they like the gimmick. Instead they just hope that men there are better than the ones on tinder. Nailed it... Maybe they are predisposed to think the guys are better because they would only feel like messaging exceptional guys anyway. But in general, they would really prefer guys to take all the risks.

And in the case of Bumble where the initiators are only women?

tennisflyi 2y ago

They changed it recently to reduce the burden - I’m not kidding

datameta 2y ago
Please explain, what do you mean by burden? To avoid me jumping to conclusions. You mean the heteronormative "burden" of the man shooting the first shot?
- tennisflyi 2y ago
  Yes! https://finance.yahoo.com/news/bumble-relaunches-app-tool-relieve-121128209.html https://finance.yahoo.com/news/bumble-relaunches-app-tool-re...
- Tade0 2y ago
  That's how they phrased it, but the underlying reason was that users weren't using the app as intended - those first moves quickly devolved into a token "hey".
  - datameta 2y ago
    I'm surprised that phenomenon wasn't called out virally just like men were dragged through internet streets in the mid 2010s with the rise of swiping-style app.
  - bdjsiqoocwk 2y ago
    Ahhh I just wrote the same thing, you beat me to it. Glad to see I'm not the only one with this reading.
  - ralferoo 2y ago
    It's a shame Bumble has changed. As a guy, I think even a token "hey" is good to know if they are at least interested in you. The ratios are skewed so badly that women get at least an order of magnitude more likes that men on average, so having the woman at least indicating that they are marginally interested lets you know it's worth spending the effort on making the next move. If you're an incredibly good looking guy, women will put some effort in, but for ordinary looking guys, the vast majority of women don't even bother to respond with an autoreply "sorry, not interested". They just ignore your message entirely, and there's only so many interesting and well-thought out first moves you can send based on something in someone's profile that you resonated with, only be be completely ignored, before you realise that it's all just an utter waste of time if you're not in that top 10% of guys. To me, it seems that Bumble doesn't really know what it's lost by changing that behaviour, as it's now become just another Tinder.
    - wakawaka28 2y ago
      >It's a shame Bumble has changed. As a guy, I think even a token "hey" is good to know if they are at least interested in you. It would be nice but women are literally flooded with options. You should know they're interested if they match with you and have a conversation with you. At least, you get the same information as a "hey" from that. Bumble is just trying to promote actual dates with their paying customers who don't get a "hey" and scarcely get a match in the first place, because women aren't very interested in dating normal guys.
      - ddmf 2y ago
        Best description I heard of online dating is that women are dehydrated in the middle of the ocean and men are dehydrated in the desert.
    - ddmf 2y ago
      In my area a lot of women wouldn't respond either unless you had pushed the button that increases the match time, so it was match - wait for response - at 1 hour if you were really wanting to match extend match 24 hours, which then locks you in because you can only extend once per day, and then wait for response. Sort of understandable because the stereotype goes that most men will right swipe on all and then filter upon match whereas women will filter before swipe.

bdjsiqoocwk 2y ago

This never actually worked this way. Women are rarely ever the initiators, so what happened on Bumble is that women would say "hi" so that the man had the chance to actually initiate; if he didn't, nothing would happen. The real reason women are on bumble at all isn't because they like the gimmick. Instead they just hope that men there are better than the ones on tinder.

wakawaka28 2y ago
>The real reason women are on bumble at all isn't because they like the gimmick. Instead they just hope that men there are better than the ones on tinder. Nailed it... Maybe they are predisposed to think the guys are better because they would only feel like messaging exceptional guys anyway. But in general, they would really prefer guys to take all the risks.