5 ms·

I think the swiping model actually works better for compatibility in serious relationships than the question based ones, because the questions are not actually

by _yb2s 2y ago

I think the swiping model actually works better for compatibility in serious relationships than the question based ones, because the questions are not actually about anything important (lots of political questions- I don’t date based on politics)- but the simplicity of swiping lets you just interact with a lot of people until you find the right one. I met my fiancee on Tinder 3 years ago, wedding is next week! My advice is to read the bios and swipe based on more than just looks- interesting hobbies, fun, playful, and personal integrity are important also. The down to earth introverted and nerdy women I’m compatible with, like my fiancee tend to spend less time staging flashy photos to look attractive in a bio.

k__ 2y ago
OKC is good only if you answer the right questions. If I answer 500 questions and 400 are about basic decency, that doesn't give a good match. If I answer only 50 questions but they're all about relationship and intimacy that works much better.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  I tried that and still found the matches weren’t good compared to Tinder… I think I’m not even sure which questions really matter, and there’s just a lot less potential people on OKC.
kingkongjaffa 2y ago
> I don’t date based on politics That’s weird because at least in the US and UK people definitely do date based on this and it makes sense. If you are mildly politically literate, then in those two countries, you know there’s really two realistic parties you can pick who are opposed from each other. Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better, and actively voting to make the country worse, regardless of your POV either way.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  It is weird… weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) You cannot solve real problems in the real world or actually make the future better with blind application of a simple ideology- real life is too nuanced and complex. You have to approach each individual problem with creativity, and an open mind. You also have to take an active leadership position to solve a real problem, not just watch TV and vote. If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.
  - kingkongjaffa 2y ago
    > If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet. That seems super dismissive and disrespectful. Honestly HN is usually better than this. Being politically aligned is nothing like “wanting a pet” wtf. If anything it’s more equitable that you are aligned on your values whatever they might be. I have no idea how you can fail to recognise that a polarised two party system draws some pretty hard lines along your value system. Would you date a republican who supports removing abortion rights for women, would you date a tory who supports privatising vital public services for personal gain of the few? (Note I’ve used right wing policy's but you can pull left wing examples of this as well). > weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) This is such a strange thing to say, you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN.
    - _yb2s 2y ago
      You misunderstood everything I wrote. An intelligent person that is actually taking effective action according to their values doesn't see things in simple black and white political ideologies. Dating someone that sees the world so simply would be like dating a child or having a pet, not having an actual partner. Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Smart people that share my values don't have values that reduce to a simple political ideology or party. There is no nice way to say this- because you are saying you see the world this way, and I am saying anyone that sees the world that was is either naive or stupid. I don't mean to insult you or your views, but that's how I see it. I don't blame you if you find it insulting and are upset at me. For example, my fiancee and I work in totally different fields but both care a lot about climate change, and have developed solutions to mitigate its impacts. Both of us have received substantial financial and political support and work daily with people from "both sides" to make this work possible. A lot of conservatives care deeply about things like reducing foreign oil dependence, protecting farms and fisheries, and preventing climate related property damage- and are willing to spend big money on solving those problems. > you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN It's the simple truth, I'm someone that doesn't really try to "fit in" so I'm seen as weird by people that do, and I get along better with other people like that.

by _yb2s 2y ago

k__ 2y ago

OKC is good only if you answer the right questions. If I answer 500 questions and 400 are about basic decency, that doesn't give a good match. If I answer only 50 questions but they're all about relationship and intimacy that works much better.

_yb2s 2y ago
I tried that and still found the matches weren’t good compared to Tinder… I think I’m not even sure which questions really matter, and there’s just a lot less potential people on OKC.

kingkongjaffa 2y ago

> I don’t date based on politics That’s weird because at least in the US and UK people definitely do date based on this and it makes sense. If you are mildly politically literate, then in those two countries, you know there’s really two realistic parties you can pick who are opposed from each other. Given then it’s pretty strange to want to be with someone who is diametrically opposed to making your country better, and actively voting to make the country worse, regardless of your POV either way.

_yb2s 2y ago
It is weird… weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) You cannot solve real problems in the real world or actually make the future better with blind application of a simple ideology- real life is too nuanced and complex. You have to approach each individual problem with creativity, and an open mind. You also have to take an active leadership position to solve a real problem, not just watch TV and vote. If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet.
- kingkongjaffa 2y ago
  > If someone sees the world like you are suggesting, they are not intelligent enough to date. I want a partner, not a pet. That seems super dismissive and disrespectful. Honestly HN is usually better than this. Being politically aligned is nothing like “wanting a pet” wtf. If anything it’s more equitable that you are aligned on your values whatever they might be. I have no idea how you can fail to recognise that a polarised two party system draws some pretty hard lines along your value system. Would you date a republican who supports removing abortion rights for women, would you date a tory who supports privatising vital public services for personal gain of the few? (Note I’ve used right wing policy's but you can pull left wing examples of this as well). > weird is an important dating requirement for me ;-) This is such a strange thing to say, you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    You misunderstood everything I wrote. An intelligent person that is actually taking effective action according to their values doesn't see things in simple black and white political ideologies. Dating someone that sees the world so simply would be like dating a child or having a pet, not having an actual partner. Values and actions are important to me, political affiliations are not. Smart people that share my values don't have values that reduce to a simple political ideology or party. There is no nice way to say this- because you are saying you see the world this way, and I am saying anyone that sees the world that was is either naive or stupid. I don't mean to insult you or your views, but that's how I see it. I don't blame you if you find it insulting and are upset at me. For example, my fiancee and I work in totally different fields but both care a lot about climate change, and have developed solutions to mitigate its impacts. Both of us have received substantial financial and political support and work daily with people from "both sides" to make this work possible. A lot of conservatives care deeply about things like reducing foreign oil dependence, protecting farms and fisheries, and preventing climate related property damage- and are willing to spend big money on solving those problems. > you’re not quirky or more interesting for having written this, I have no idea why you would write that on HN It's the simple truth, I'm someone that doesn't really try to "fit in" so I'm seen as weird by people that do, and I get along better with other people like that.