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If only it was just that type of situation. There are the ‘I must be a stay at home mom/dad because I can’t handle the stress’ type situations. There are the

by lazide 2y ago

If only it was just that type of situation. There are the ‘I must be a stay at home mom/dad because I can’t handle the stress’ type situations. There are the ‘I need to buy x we can’t afford to be happy’ type situations. There are the ‘we have kids now and he/she can’t leave, so I can do whatever I want’ type situations. I had someone actively sabotage my job (in a very difficult to detect way) because they were worried I’d leave them if I was too ‘independent’, or got promoted. And I’ve seen many other people have spouses do that to them too. Everything from dramatically increasing stress levels at home, to sabotaging sleep, or creating health issues until the spouse stopped ‘getting away’. All the way up to creating false accusations and trying to destroy them unless they got ‘under control’.

djtango 2y ago
Wow that's horrifying - sorry to hear that you were in that situation and thank you for being willing to open up about this. It doesn't have to be just partners - a friend recently told me about her husband's younger sister who would regularly spend beyond her means then rely on her brother / parents to bail her out of her debts. That's also one of those impossible relationships where you feel obligated to help but the relationship has a real cost.
- lazide 2y ago
  Yup. A friend of mine had his wife do something similar (first time) during an economic slowdown after he got laid off - she all the sudden started spending waaay beyond even their pre-layoff means ($60k something on credit cards) while hiding the bills and stuff she was buying. Luckily he figured out something was wrong before they went bankrupt on top of everything, but yikes. And at that point, divorce won’t solve his joint liability for the balance. At least the younger sister can only guilt the family into trying to cover her butt financially, instead of - well whatever that was.

by lazide 2y ago

djtango 2y ago

Wow that's horrifying - sorry to hear that you were in that situation and thank you for being willing to open up about this. It doesn't have to be just partners - a friend recently told me about her husband's younger sister who would regularly spend beyond her means then rely on her brother / parents to bail her out of her debts. That's also one of those impossible relationships where you feel obligated to help but the relationship has a real cost.

lazide 2y ago
Yup. A friend of mine had his wife do something similar (first time) during an economic slowdown after he got laid off - she all the sudden started spending waaay beyond even their pre-layoff means ($60k something on credit cards) while hiding the bills and stuff she was buying. Luckily he figured out something was wrong before they went bankrupt on top of everything, but yikes. And at that point, divorce won’t solve his joint liability for the balance. At least the younger sister can only guilt the family into trying to cover her butt financially, instead of - well whatever that was.