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What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? We just want to know each other, seeing each other naked would just speed things up, wouldn't it? Answe

What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? We just want to know each other, seeing each other naked would just speed things up, wouldn't it? Answering private questions means this stranger now has knowledge I would consider "privileged" about myself, which they can use as they see fit. Mean comments? Oversharing with friends? Gossipping? There's a reason we keep some conversations only between trusted parties, and getting to know which parties we trust takes time. You can't speed that up by skipping steps.

cauch 2y ago
> What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? I would say there is intrinsically no much risk. Naturists cross paths with perfect strangers while totally naked, and it is not a big deal for them. Some population lives (or lived in the past) naked, again, without real risk. But, yes, I would not do that myself. But I would not say that I would not do it because it is "risky" or that they are "not worthy of seeing my body", but rather because it makes me uncomfortable. And if my interlocutor is into meeting people naked, I will just say that it's not my thing rather than being antagonistic. It seems to me to be a cultural thing, and therefore the way I do things is not intrinsically better than the way they do things, so I have no ground to pretend they do a "bad" thing or being aggressive towards them. Also, if you care about protecting yourself from hurtful comment, do you wear a mask on your face when you meet people. Because physical appearances provide way more means to be hurtful than knowing that you enjoyed football at recess in 3rd grade. (and, sure, wearing a mask is not convenient, but my point is that we greatly under estimate the risk of information that we are used to share and greatly over estimate the risk of information that we are not used to share) > Answering private questions means this stranger now has knowledge I would consider "privileged" about myself, which they can use as they see fit. Mean comments? Oversharing with friends? Gossipping? While I can understand it for _some_ questions and _some_ circumstances, a lot of the questions in the examples in the article are very not exposing you to that risk. And if you can think of particular cases where they are, similar cases exist for plenty of other questions that you probably don't consider as personal. If you are saying that "how did your parents meet" is risky because it may occasionally be linked to something touchy, so is "what did you do yesterday" ("I went to a funeral of a close friend"), "what do you do for a living" ("I've lost my job and I'm struggling"), "what is your favorite movie" ("It's the one that my parents watched when they met"), ... You will notice that for all these normal questions, you can avoid the touchy subject in the answer. But that's identical if some of the questions in the article are touching touchy things. It seems to me that these questions are no more personal than the "usual" ones, and it is just that: 1) we are used to the "usual" ones. In a parallel universe, someone would say "you ask me what is my favorite movie, that's strange and personal, can you not ask me what is my favorite gift I've been given, like in a normal first conversation", 2) we know that some personal information should be shared with care, but we end up considering all information we consider personal are dangerous to share. Except they are not.
Renaud 2y ago
Having conversations naked is actually a great way to level the playing field: nobody hides anything, everyone is just as vulnerable. One of the great principles of Naturism.
xorcist 2y ago
Traditionally, in Finland you have to go into the sauna before you sign a deal with someone. In Japan you have to get really drunk with a business partner before they trust you. Completely overblown stereotypes, of course, but the grain of truth in both stories are accelerating trust.

cauch 2y ago

> What is the risk of just having the conversation naked? I would say there is intrinsically no much risk. Naturists cross paths with perfect strangers while totally naked, and it is not a big deal for them. Some population lives (or lived in the past) naked, again, without real risk. But, yes, I would not do that myself. But I would not say that I would not do it because it is "risky" or that they are "not worthy of seeing my body", but rather because it makes me uncomfortable. And if my interlocutor is into meeting people naked, I will just say that it's not my thing rather than being antagonistic. It seems to me to be a cultural thing, and therefore the way I do things is not intrinsically better than the way they do things, so I have no ground to pretend they do a "bad" thing or being aggressive towards them. Also, if you care about protecting yourself from hurtful comment, do you wear a mask on your face when you meet people. Because physical appearances provide way more means to be hurtful than knowing that you enjoyed football at recess in 3rd grade. (and, sure, wearing a mask is not convenient, but my point is that we greatly under estimate the risk of information that we are used to share and greatly over estimate the risk of information that we are not used to share) > Answering private questions means this stranger now has knowledge I would consider "privileged" about myself, which they can use as they see fit. Mean comments? Oversharing with friends? Gossipping? While I can understand it for _some_ questions and _some_ circumstances, a lot of the questions in the examples in the article are very not exposing you to that risk. And if you can think of particular cases where they are, similar cases exist for plenty of other questions that you probably don't consider as personal. If you are saying that "how did your parents meet" is risky because it may occasionally be linked to something touchy, so is "what did you do yesterday" ("I went to a funeral of a close friend"), "what do you do for a living" ("I've lost my job and I'm struggling"), "what is your favorite movie" ("It's the one that my parents watched when they met"), ... You will notice that for all these normal questions, you can avoid the touchy subject in the answer. But that's identical if some of the questions in the article are touching touchy things. It seems to me that these questions are no more personal than the "usual" ones, and it is just that: 1) we are used to the "usual" ones. In a parallel universe, someone would say "you ask me what is my favorite movie, that's strange and personal, can you not ask me what is my favorite gift I've been given, like in a normal first conversation", 2) we know that some personal information should be shared with care, but we end up considering all information we consider personal are dangerous to share. Except they are not.

Renaud 2y ago

Having conversations naked is actually a great way to level the playing field: nobody hides anything, everyone is just as vulnerable. One of the great principles of Naturism.

xorcist 2y ago

Traditionally, in Finland you have to go into the sauna before you sign a deal with someone. In Japan you have to get really drunk with a business partner before they trust you. Completely overblown stereotypes, of course, but the grain of truth in both stories are accelerating trust.