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When I signed up for Facebook, that was my dream. That I would post stuff like "who wants to get ice cream tomorrow night?" and, just like that, people would ta
by graue 14y ago
When I signed up for Facebook, that was my dream. That I would post stuff like "who wants to get ice cream tomorrow night?" and, just like that, people would take me up on it.
Never happened.
On the contrary, people I met would "friend" me, but still keep me out of their real-world cliques. Example: A guy invited everyone to a party at his house. Everyone else who responded knew where he lived. I sent a message asking. He ignored me.
I had an experience like the GP's. Facebook was an opiate, making me think I was keeping up with friends, when it was really pointless chatter. After I quit, I emailed an overseas friend and we had a far more meaningful exchange than anything during the year we were connected on Facebook.
I guess it depends who you know. Most of my close, in-town friends use FB minimally or not at all. So they weren't the same people I was talking to on FB.
- makmanalp 14y agoWell, I think this says more about your understanding of friendship versus acquaintance rather than facebook itself. Just because you added someone on facebook doesn't mean that you are now good friends. It means they know you somehow. You'll get invited to people's parties when you're close to them. Facebook supports existing friendships. It doesn't create new ones (well, in general). In fact, if someone you know but don't certainly like adds you on facebook, it's socially awkward to not accept their friend request, because it is an outward social refusal to not do so. Essentially, you can "force" your way into friending someone. This weird social dynamic allows people's friend lists to grow way beyond proportion even if the feeling isn't mutual for everyone.
- graue 14y agoI think you're making the same point as me: "Facebook supports existing friendships. It doesn't create new ones." That's my experience too: Facebook did not turn my acquaintances into friends. But the person I replied to claimed otherwise — he posted an ice cream invite and 3 people he'd never met offline came.
- Swizec 14y agoI've made tons of acquaintances into friends. Facebook is a great facilitator for that. Hell, my current girlfriend-like person was initially just an acquaintance on Facebook. You need to put in an effort. Consistently including online people in your offline life, will eventually turn them into close friends. You talk to them online first, meaningfully, you invite them to offline friendly gatherings and eventually they just become one of your group of friends. I mean ... it's the same as offline stuff. All your friends were acquaintances at first.
- beambot 14y agoHonest question about the party: Why didn't you directly contact some of the "everyone" people who responded to ask for the address (or carpool)? I find PG's "Relentlessly Resourceful" essay equally-useful in a social context. It took me a long time to realize that (for me) social interactions were an active and often taxing process. (And emails / FB messages are pretty much the most passive form of communication anymore.)
- graue 14y agoDidn't know those people and wasn't that strongly motivated to go... it was just one of several possible things to do that night. "Relentlessly resourceful" is great, but part of that is to make sure you're solving the right problem. And in social terms, I've found that trying to become friends with flaky/non-responsive people is solving the wrong problem.