3 ms·

Right. "If I can do anything..." I'm not saying that's BAD to say, but it's pretty pro forma.

• dredmorbius 2y ago
  Clarifying my earlier point: offering to help in a way which only requires a yes/no answer is going to be cognitively easier for the recipient. They can of course provide a more elaborate response or make an alternate request, if they choose to do so and are capable of formulating such a response. But make the initial ask easy to answer. Another trap people fall into is in offering gifts or help for their own gratification. Baking a cake for someone who doesn't like eating cake (or has reasons not to eat cake) is not in fact doing them a benefit. And if the baker's response on learning of this is to rebuke them for rejecting your "gift" ... well, that just clarifies that their motivation was self-serving rather than other-serving in the first place. (Such responses, along with all sorts of other basically idiotic behaviour, is of course far too frequent. I'm hoping some reading this might recognise the patterns.)
  • AlbertCory 2y ago
    Someone mentioned offering a pot roast. I'd feel churlish for saying "I hate pot roast!" although I do. /s
    • dredmorbius 2y ago
      In the midst of a past crisis, one thing that struck me most was how dinner simply showed up on the back door, in a pan, with heating instructions. The neighbours had taken it on themselves to arrange for who was going to cook, what, and when. We had absolutely nothing to think about in the process. It was one of those really simple, but immensely touching, gestures. There's a bit more context to it than that, but this was really the heart of it.