This is fair. But I think that instead of debunking this approach, it just limits its applicability. (1) Keep the "kvetching order" for the (relatively) short

This is fair. But I think that instead of debunking this approach, it just limits its applicability. (1) Keep the "kvetching order" for the (relatively) short time when the impact of the trauma is still very strong and hasn't been processed by the person in the center. (2) Do not allow two systems of kvetching rings clash. Yes, this includes both warfare, hopefully far from most people here, and, say, divorces. This is not a universal solution. Taken too literally, or too long-term, it will harm the person(s) in the center it's intended to protect. Yes, sometimes the only way out of pain is through, "no pain, no gain". But this is a good rule-of-thumb kind of solution that helps limit the pain inflicted to the people definitely more hurt than you, without any significant gain. Maybe a traumatized person, for their long-term benefit. needs to have a difficult conversation that would be extra painful due to the trauma. But there's no reason to inflict pain by small talk and trivial daily iissues.