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Interestingly, I've gone the opposite way in my old age. I realize now how very short life is and how it's absolutely not worth wasting what little free time I

Interestingly, I've gone the opposite way in my old age. I realize now how very short life is and how it's absolutely not worth wasting what little free time I have on activities that don't interest me. This goes even moreso in the workplace, where saying yes often leads you into taking on more responsibilities for no extra pay or recognition, unless you simultaneously try to wangle the added work into a schmoozing opportunity, which cuts even more into the time you could have been spending doing something you actually wanted to do if you'd said no.

zamfi 2y ago
I suspect people come from different baselines here, which for some means saying "yes" more often, and for others saying "no". But I think the parent's point is to "say yes" more broadly than just when the activity interests you; e.g., if the people are good, interesting people and there will be interesting conversation, the activity may just be an excuse to get together, and not its focus -- and it's too easy to evaluate just the activity alone in response to an invitation.
fire_lake 2y ago
This assumes you know what is worth doing in advance and I think we rarely do.
kredd 2y ago
Good point. Everything boils down to moderation though, right? My usual attitude is, if I have nothing to do — say yes. If I already have plans, invite my friends, but still do it even if they decline. It’s just my simple way of signalling that I like my friends, and I am happy to spend time with them. Workplace is a different game though, as it will always depend on company, politics and your ambitions.
JohnFen 2y ago
> it's absolutely not worth wasting what little free time I have on activities that don't interest me. Well, my perspective is that the point is spending valuable free time with my friends, which I value and is good for everybody. What we're spending that time _doing_ is a secondary consideration. > in the workplace, where saying yes often leads you into taking on more responsibilities for no extra pay or recognition Of course! By saying "I changed my default answer from 'no' to 'yes'", I don't mean I say yes to everything (and I wasn't talking primarily about in the workplace). I mean it in the form of a shift in mental stance. In the workplace, that means my default stance to something that involves additional work is "ok, how could I make that happen?". It may very well be that I can't. Or, more likely, it may be that I can if I deprioritize something else. The stance difference is that instead of just rejecting it automatically, I spend a moment weighing the factors and am able to present the tradeoffs involved so that we can make a better determination as to if it's a good idea or not.
anon291 2y ago
I mean, it depends where you start at. I always say yes, and that has led me to overscheduling, so I'm learning to say no; but my default is still yes. For me, it takes effort and discretion to say no. It sounds like for OP, it is the opposite.

zamfi 2y ago

I suspect people come from different baselines here, which for some means saying "yes" more often, and for others saying "no". But I think the parent's point is to "say yes" more broadly than just when the activity interests you; e.g., if the people are good, interesting people and there will be interesting conversation, the activity may just be an excuse to get together, and not its focus -- and it's too easy to evaluate just the activity alone in response to an invitation.

fire_lake 2y ago

This assumes you know what is worth doing in advance and I think we rarely do.

kredd 2y ago

Good point. Everything boils down to moderation though, right? My usual attitude is, if I have nothing to do — say yes. If I already have plans, invite my friends, but still do it even if they decline. It’s just my simple way of signalling that I like my friends, and I am happy to spend time with them. Workplace is a different game though, as it will always depend on company, politics and your ambitions.

JohnFen 2y ago

> it's absolutely not worth wasting what little free time I have on activities that don't interest me. Well, my perspective is that the point is spending valuable free time with my friends, which I value and is good for everybody. What we're spending that time _doing_ is a secondary consideration. > in the workplace, where saying yes often leads you into taking on more responsibilities for no extra pay or recognition Of course! By saying "I changed my default answer from 'no' to 'yes'", I don't mean I say yes to everything (and I wasn't talking primarily about in the workplace). I mean it in the form of a shift in mental stance. In the workplace, that means my default stance to something that involves additional work is "ok, how could I make that happen?". It may very well be that I can't. Or, more likely, it may be that I can if I deprioritize something else. The stance difference is that instead of just rejecting it automatically, I spend a moment weighing the factors and am able to present the tradeoffs involved so that we can make a better determination as to if it's a good idea or not.

anon291 2y ago

I mean, it depends where you start at. I always say yes, and that has led me to overscheduling, so I'm learning to say no; but my default is still yes. For me, it takes effort and discretion to say no. It sounds like for OP, it is the opposite.