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> until I realized they did not want their problem fixed, they sought sympathy. That goes both ways, as many of the people I've run into who just want sympathy
by gedy 2y ago
> until I realized they did not want their problem fixed, they sought sympathy.
That goes both ways, as many of the people I've run into who just want sympathy, can bring a lot of stress on the listeners. E.g. I can't take hearing complaints about abusive partners, etc so that they feel a little better for the moment, then they march right back to them.
Growing up with a serious complainer caused me to instinctively try and fix issues, and to avoid if you don't want that type of help.
- lazide 2y agoYup. Sometimes all the listening is doing is enabling a very dangerous situation. If someone is the recipient of that kind of complaining as a kid from a parent, it would also explain some ‘don’t even try that towards me’ reactions.
- kelseyfrog 2y agoAbsolutely. No one can listen or provide sympathy indefinitely. Trying to is a short path to burnout. Almost everyone could benefit from being listened to, but I have to remember, it doesn't always have to be me
- pdimitar 2y agoQuite true. I am not advocating for "always listen" and even if that brands me as a monster I very often do NOT advocate for "always be kind" -- there are many people whose problems I have zero patience for. My bigger point was that if you consciously chose to sit or take a walk with that person and if you truly care then you should make sure they feel listened to and understood before giving advice -- if you give advice at all. This presupposes that you care about that person which I'll immediately agree is not a given for most people you'll ever meet.