>If people have a good “user experience” when they interact with you, then they will want to interact with you more in the future. I really liked this particul

>If people have a good “user experience” when they interact with you, then they will want to interact with you more in the future. I really liked this particular framing. Of course that’s because it concisely states what I’m already struggling to accomplish in a conversation, and the types of people I end up seeking or avoiding. It’s obviously not going to stop a willful asshole from doing what they do, they know their user experience is bad, and they enjoy it that way. Another useful thing I eventually discovered that sticks with me is “Not all conversion is information exchange”. A lot of the times when people talk, rather than wanting “facts or fixes”, what they are instead seeking to accomplish is to share, regulate or calibrate their emotions with other people. Smalltalk isn’t about the content (which will be forgotten), it’s about social bonding and a way of saying to someone “you matter enough to be with”. What they will remember is how they felt around you. For those like myself with some degree of alexithymia, it can be surprising just how much of an important factor emotions can play in the daily experience of other people.