5 ms·

These were the crucial bits for me: > "Sundays are for listing everything that went wrong during the week on the blackboard we painted on the wall of my study,

These were the crucial bits for me: > "Sundays are for listing everything that went wrong during the week on the blackboard we painted on the wall of my study, so we can figure out what needs to change." and > "I liked to think about our life as a piece of software. We had our routines and our principles, this was the code. We ran the code by living it. The list on the blackboard was the bug log, a record of the ways our routines broke down in contact with reality. We kept going through the code until our life did what we wanted it to do, more or less." Love the idea of bug log/dev cycle as a metaphor to use for improving relationships.

skummetmaelk 2y ago
Works as long as you don't think too deeply about why exactly you're doing that.
- sulandor 2y ago
  as is with most thing
keybored 2y ago
There’s nothing more boring than someone who explains everything according to their passion-hobby or work. - Programmer: my life is a program - Marathoner: you know, life is like a great long race...
- nonrandomstring 2y ago
  You know, writing a recursive descent parser is very much like making love to a beautiful woman... [0] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Toni https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Toni
- 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
  Not introspecting at all might be more boring. Besides, I enjoy a good metaphor like a pitbull enjoys mauling
  - keybored 2y ago
    > Not introspecting at all might be more boring. Because that’s the relevant takeaway.
- isk517 2y ago
  As both a programmer and a marathoner my life is a program in which I'm constantly either in or preparing for a great long race. I wish this was a joke.
  - keybored 2y ago
    I wish that too.
tetris11 2y ago
My ex and I used to do this. Every month we'd plan out the next few months from dates/appointments, incorporating things we had to do, and things we wanted to do. And every month, we'd sift through the previous month, bump ahead tasks that were missed, discuss tasks that had been bumped repeatedly, and - most importantly - reflect on the last month's achievements together. As an aside, we would also every year make a printed photo album, sifting through all the photos we'd made that year. It was sometimes tough and gruelling work, but it really brought us together, and my eyes are wet just thinking of how we really grew together.
- MezzoDelCammin 2y ago
  not to pry into Your privacy too much, but reading this kinda makes me wonder how come You're now exes. Without it the comment reads lie a piece of evidence for this iterative approach working out fairly well.
  - tetris11 2y ago
    I wonder too sometimes, there was a strong love between us. I thought that would be enough, but somehow it wasn't for me. Reading the article really helped highlight some failings: >The type of person I’m assuming we’re looking for here is 1) someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you’ve talked for 20,000 hours, 2) you feel comfortable with them talking through the hardest and most painful decisions you will face in your life, and 3) the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you out, helps you become. With my Ex, we were great at (2), but (1) and (3) were lacking and we'd resort to friends and colleagues to get that feedback.

skummetmaelk 2y ago

Works as long as you don't think too deeply about why exactly you're doing that.

sulandor 2y ago
as is with most thing

keybored 2y ago

There’s nothing more boring than someone who explains everything according to their passion-hobby or work. - Programmer: my life is a program - Marathoner: you know, life is like a great long race...

nonrandomstring 2y ago
You know, writing a recursive descent parser is very much like making love to a beautiful woman... [0] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Toni https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Toni
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
Not introspecting at all might be more boring. Besides, I enjoy a good metaphor like a pitbull enjoys mauling
- keybored 2y ago
  > Not introspecting at all might be more boring. Because that’s the relevant takeaway.
isk517 2y ago
As both a programmer and a marathoner my life is a program in which I'm constantly either in or preparing for a great long race. I wish this was a joke.
- keybored 2y ago
  I wish that too.

tetris11 2y ago

My ex and I used to do this. Every month we'd plan out the next few months from dates/appointments, incorporating things we had to do, and things we wanted to do. And every month, we'd sift through the previous month, bump ahead tasks that were missed, discuss tasks that had been bumped repeatedly, and - most importantly - reflect on the last month's achievements together. As an aside, we would also every year make a printed photo album, sifting through all the photos we'd made that year. It was sometimes tough and gruelling work, but it really brought us together, and my eyes are wet just thinking of how we really grew together.

MezzoDelCammin 2y ago
not to pry into Your privacy too much, but reading this kinda makes me wonder how come You're now exes. Without it the comment reads lie a piece of evidence for this iterative approach working out fairly well.
- tetris11 2y ago
  I wonder too sometimes, there was a strong love between us. I thought that would be enough, but somehow it wasn't for me. Reading the article really helped highlight some failings: >The type of person I’m assuming we’re looking for here is 1) someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you’ve talked for 20,000 hours, 2) you feel comfortable with them talking through the hardest and most painful decisions you will face in your life, and 3) the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you out, helps you become. With my Ex, we were great at (2), but (1) and (3) were lacking and we'd resort to friends and colleagues to get that feedback.