4 ms·

From a guy's perspective, it feels like if you don't have hobbies (or the right hobbies) and you don't want to drink at a bar, you really don't have many option

From a guy's perspective, it feels like if you don't have hobbies (or the right hobbies) and you don't want to drink at a bar, you really don't have many options. For women I must imagine it must be quite similar, if you don't have hobbies that involve both men and women meeting in person, and you don't want to go to bars, in what context are you going to meet someone? Something something dating apps, something something third places. I also feel like for the more awkward/introverted guys (myself included), if I went to a bar (by myself) every Friday night and got a jack and coke and just sat there I would spend a whole lot of money talking to no one. Who knows, maybe I would, I've never done it because it's too expensive and I would feel too awkward. Let's say you go once a month. Thats 12 times a year, not too many times when you think about it. And if I went with friends, well, I feel like I would just talk with my friends!

sshine 2y ago
> if I went to a bar (by myself) every Friday night and got a jack and coke At 30 I had a fulltime job, an apartment, and I worked out regularly. And I was chronically single. So I quit my job, started doing CrossFit every day, and started going out (acro yoga, goth clubs, blind dates with friends of friends), getting new friends with attractive female friends, expanding my network through the people I dated, getting regular female training partners to normalise interaction with attractive women. I hooked up with a lot of people, sometimes dating too many people, annoyingly honest about polyamory, and eventually I entered a relationship with an emotionally intelligent, attractive woman who didn’t know I was really an insecure geek on ’roids (metaphorically speaking). Getting back a job in software and my personality gradually reverted until the relationship fell apart. Decided I should be brutally honest about who I am, met my wife (friend of a friend) 8 months later.

sshine 2y ago

> if I went to a bar (by myself) every Friday night and got a jack and coke At 30 I had a fulltime job, an apartment, and I worked out regularly. And I was chronically single. So I quit my job, started doing CrossFit every day, and started going out (acro yoga, goth clubs, blind dates with friends of friends), getting new friends with attractive female friends, expanding my network through the people I dated, getting regular female training partners to normalise interaction with attractive women. I hooked up with a lot of people, sometimes dating too many people, annoyingly honest about polyamory, and eventually I entered a relationship with an emotionally intelligent, attractive woman who didn’t know I was really an insecure geek on ’roids (metaphorically speaking). Getting back a job in software and my personality gradually reverted until the relationship fell apart. Decided I should be brutally honest about who I am, met my wife (friend of a friend) 8 months later.