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simply, when a boy is dependent on his mother's approval for a sense of self it's all the justification he needs, and there is almost no increasingly-terrible s
by motohagiography 2y ago
simply, when a boy is dependent on his mother's approval for a sense of self it's all the justification he needs, and there is almost no increasingly-terrible situation in which a mother will not love her son. the worse his life, the more he depends on her, the less abandoned she is. it's the definition of a co-dependent cycle. Maybe he replaces her or shares that role with other women, but he ends up in the same cycle of dependency and collapse. Fathers teach boys to set boundaries for themselves, which has the effect of weaning them off psychological dependency on their mothers approval and innoculates them to some of her edges and those of other women. This is why only can men make other men, as without masculine boundaries, their emotional locus of control is external.
We blame the absent fathers, and that's at least half the problem, but only half. The other half is that mothers don't raise men alone, and so you get punks and criminals, boys with "nice guy" predatory survival strategies, neurotics, and other maladapted and unserious men. It's arguably why "bastard," is such a longlived epithet. The only reliable escape is to master something and find mentoring in pursuit of the competence that develops the necessary self-confidence and esteem for setting personal boundaries.
> He should be held to high standards. Otherwise, he will sink to the level of his environment.
A male peer group can raise these standards, but it's mean reversion, and if you're in a neighbourhood of boys raised alone by their mothers, that's going to be a low bar. The entire culture war is between people who resent their dads for being absent or weak, and those who don't. There are paths out, but as a wise woman once said, "no one is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them."
- mstipetic 2y ago[flagged]
- positr0n 2y ago> The entire culture war is between people who resent their dads for being absent or weak, and those who don't. Are you saying that having an absent father or not determines your views on trans people, abortion, saying Merry Christmas vs happy holidays, DEI, etc?
- mindslight 2y agoYeah there are some interesting ideas in there and I respect the ideals of open debate and exploration of these topics, but this is by far the weakest part of the comment. I'm also finding it difficult to infer which tribe that is supposed to apply to - similar accusations are often lobbed at the blue tribe for supposedly wanting the state to act like a father, but I think performative masculinity in general speaks much more to a lack of strong male role models. So maybe it's better to assume the problem across the board, and perhaps only modulated by political tribe - the first comment on the original blog post speaks to the phenomenon even extending to other cultures.
- PessimalDecimal 2y agoI've never read about this topic but the comment above interested me in trying to find any references related to the claim it's making. So far, [1] is the most interesting one. While it doesn't precisely line up with what is claimed above, it does say that a more "paternalistic" parenting style is causal for the child's later political beliefs. [1] https://www.cmu.edu/news/stories/archives/2022/june/when-parenting-style-predicts-political-leanings https://www.cmu.edu/news/stories/archives/2022/june/when-par...
- piuantiderp 2y agoIt very well could
- lelanthran 2y ago> Are you saying that having an absent father or not determines your views on trans people, abortion, saying Merry Christmas vs happy holidays, DEI, etc? What on earth does any of that have to do with the GP post? I'm also quite curious - you think all of those things listed above are generally seen as positive (or negative) by the same group of people? That's a bundle of different issues that most people either won't support all of, or won't oppose all of.
- bloopernova 2y ago> and there is almost no increasingly-terrible situation in which a mother will not love her son. Could someone please rephrase this? I'm having trouble understanding it.
- leetrout 2y agoMom will still love her son even as he does worse things.
- sneed_chucker 2y agoYou see mass murderers and serial rapists whose mothers still love them.
- qingcharles 2y agoIn jail the first phone call everyone made was to their mom. The toughest skinhead, face-tatted nazi mofos begging to get on the phone and sobbing as they talk to their mom. That opened my eyes.
- darig 2y ago[dead]
- giraffe_lady 2y agoIs there any problem caused or experienced by men that you don't blame women for?
- SoftTalker 2y agoWho is blaming women?
- motohagiography 2y agonone of them, actually. it's on young men to set boundaries for themselves. other men either teach them that, or not. since they are human, there are limits to what mothers can do for their sons, being a father is one of them. kids are poorer without them.
- antisthenes 2y agoThere was nothing blaming women in that post. Get some reading comprehension please.
- mock-possum 2y agoThis comes off as incredibly preachy about gender roles.
- mrguyorama 2y agoIt is frankly just Freudian horseshit.
- calf 2y agoIt reads like Jordan Peterson nonsense.