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I'm not so sure. I come from southern Europe where doing something like that is easy, because people mean it. But living abroad I can probably count with one ha

I'm not so sure. I come from southern Europe where doing something like that is easy, because people mean it. But living abroad I can probably count with one hand the times that someone made good on that. Sometimes I followed up with someone, just to get excuses and vague answers. I had to learn the hard and awkward way that most people are just trying to be polite and don't really want to "stay in touch". Doing it seriously takes real work.

SoftTalker 2y ago
"most people are just trying to be polite" Yes, that's exactly right. That's what the above is. You have to maintain polite contact with people in order to stay on the radar. It's why people used to send each other Christmas cards even though they had not spoken all year. Just touching base, letting you know you're still on my list. None of the above imagined conversation is to be taken literally. It's just a polite ping/ack. It doesn't create any further obligation.
zug_zug 2y ago
For me it's interesting -- I'm somebody who has in the past made the niceties when somebody reached about but ultimately not reciprocated much. And it wasn't because I didn't care, it was because never in my life had somebody reaching out from the past resulted in genuinely satisfying interactions. So in a certain fatalistic way, I had decided it wouldn't amount to anything which was then possibly self-fulfilling. I used to believe that whenever coworkers ask how to stay in touch after I leave a job it was just a lie we all tell ourselves to make the transition easier. But I'm finding that many of my coworkers say they do stay in touch with old colleagues. Perhaps part of the lesson is that some of us who don't reciprocate with you do care, but have no mental model (or lack the social grace) to navigate a more tricky relationship (e.g. what if work is now much better now that this person left, and what if the people and things you had in common no longer apply).

SoftTalker 2y ago

"most people are just trying to be polite" Yes, that's exactly right. That's what the above is. You have to maintain polite contact with people in order to stay on the radar. It's why people used to send each other Christmas cards even though they had not spoken all year. Just touching base, letting you know you're still on my list. None of the above imagined conversation is to be taken literally. It's just a polite ping/ack. It doesn't create any further obligation.

zug_zug 2y ago

For me it's interesting -- I'm somebody who has in the past made the niceties when somebody reached about but ultimately not reciprocated much. And it wasn't because I didn't care, it was because never in my life had somebody reaching out from the past resulted in genuinely satisfying interactions. So in a certain fatalistic way, I had decided it wouldn't amount to anything which was then possibly self-fulfilling. I used to believe that whenever coworkers ask how to stay in touch after I leave a job it was just a lie we all tell ourselves to make the transition easier. But I'm finding that many of my coworkers say they do stay in touch with old colleagues. Perhaps part of the lesson is that some of us who don't reciprocate with you do care, but have no mental model (or lack the social grace) to navigate a more tricky relationship (e.g. what if work is now much better now that this person left, and what if the people and things you had in common no longer apply).