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I would also expect child support and alimony demands peak from 35-49 or so. It's got to be stressful knowing if you can't come up with the cash not only will

I would also expect child support and alimony demands peak from 35-49 or so. It's got to be stressful knowing if you can't come up with the cash not only will you starve but you'll be tossed in a cage and your professional license, dl, and passport revoked

PhasmaFelis 2y ago
People are expected to care for their own children, yes.
- szundi 2y ago
  Point was probably about the higher ratio of these people
- beaglesss 2y ago
  Child support actually is a transfer payment to the custodial parent with no check any of it goes to the child, 'child support' is a misnomer like 'patriot act'. Taking care of the child is a separate consideration, it can be spent on the kids, shoes, or a case of jack daniels.
  - dymk 2y ago
    Then you can take your ex to court and get custody. It’s not like this situation wasn’t considered.
    - toomuchtodo 2y ago
      I’m paying $400/hour for someone’s divorce attorney currently, $5k retainer and will cost at least $10k-$15k in total. Due to it being a no fault state, they’ll be required to pay their ex $2500-$3000/month (not tax deductible, after tax) for at least five years (even though the ex can work and is highly educated; this is a state mandated support formula based on duration of the marriage [~10 years] and each of their incomes). Thankfully no children. This comment ignores the cost and effort required, both to reach an initial settlement and to challenge or modify ongoing custody and financial arrangements until children reach age of maturity. Every time you’re engaging your attorney, the clock is running, and that usually isn’t the only cost.
    - IncreasePosts 2y ago
      You aren't going to get custody of your child support payment is $10k/mo and your ex only spends $1k/mo on the child.
    - sirspacey 2y ago
      It is not considered. Custody and child support are two separate matters and judges are not allowed to consider child support (its payment or its use) as a part of their decision on custody, per federal law. The custody system does not work at all how you’d intuitively guess. Courts do not put the children with “the best parent.” I’ve so many friends who are in anguish because their children are abused by the custodial parent and the courts refuse to take any action. 90%+ of all custody appeal requests are denied without being heard. Assuming our custody system is reasonable, fair, or expeditious is a luxury only had by those who have never been at its mercy.
- toomuchtodo 2y ago
  Cheaper not to have them and risk the outsized long term financial obligation. ~43% of first marriages fail, ~60% of second marriages, ~73% third marriages. Roughly half of all children will see the parents’ marriage fail or them separate (per the CDC).
  - bryanlarsen 2y ago
    Those numbers are a lot lower for people whose first marriage is in their 30s and/or those who are financially stable. (Each of those ~halves the risk of divorce).
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
    - willcipriano 2y ago
      > financially stable > halves the risk of divorce For men, becoming unemployed more than doubles your chance of divorce. This effect is not seen for women.
      - toomuchtodo 2y ago
        Citations: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x | https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323934884_Why_does_unemployment_lead_to_divorce_Male-breadwinner_norms_and_divorce_risk_in_30_countries https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323934884_Why_does_... | https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.32674.12489 https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.32674.12489 https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-28/don-t-blame-divorce-on-money-ask-did-the-husband-have-a-job https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-28/don-t-bla... | https://archive.today/5f7hF https://archive.today/5f7hF https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/aug16asrfeature.pdf https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/au...
  - PhasmaFelis 2y ago
    You can also make sure, before you get married and/or have kids, that neither one of you is an unreasonable jerk. Then you can work out custodial arrangements and financial obligations like reasonable people, as most divorced people I know seem to do.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]

PhasmaFelis 2y ago

People are expected to care for their own children, yes.

szundi 2y ago
Point was probably about the higher ratio of these people
beaglesss 2y ago
Child support actually is a transfer payment to the custodial parent with no check any of it goes to the child, 'child support' is a misnomer like 'patriot act'. Taking care of the child is a separate consideration, it can be spent on the kids, shoes, or a case of jack daniels.
- dymk 2y ago
  Then you can take your ex to court and get custody. It’s not like this situation wasn’t considered.
  - toomuchtodo 2y ago
    I’m paying $400/hour for someone’s divorce attorney currently, $5k retainer and will cost at least $10k-$15k in total. Due to it being a no fault state, they’ll be required to pay their ex $2500-$3000/month (not tax deductible, after tax) for at least five years (even though the ex can work and is highly educated; this is a state mandated support formula based on duration of the marriage [~10 years] and each of their incomes). Thankfully no children. This comment ignores the cost and effort required, both to reach an initial settlement and to challenge or modify ongoing custody and financial arrangements until children reach age of maturity. Every time you’re engaging your attorney, the clock is running, and that usually isn’t the only cost.
  - IncreasePosts 2y ago
    You aren't going to get custody of your child support payment is $10k/mo and your ex only spends $1k/mo on the child.
  - sirspacey 2y ago
    It is not considered. Custody and child support are two separate matters and judges are not allowed to consider child support (its payment or its use) as a part of their decision on custody, per federal law. The custody system does not work at all how you’d intuitively guess. Courts do not put the children with “the best parent.” I’ve so many friends who are in anguish because their children are abused by the custodial parent and the courts refuse to take any action. 90%+ of all custody appeal requests are denied without being heard. Assuming our custody system is reasonable, fair, or expeditious is a luxury only had by those who have never been at its mercy.
toomuchtodo 2y ago
Cheaper not to have them and risk the outsized long term financial obligation. ~43% of first marriages fail, ~60% of second marriages, ~73% third marriages. Roughly half of all children will see the parents’ marriage fail or them separate (per the CDC).
- bryanlarsen 2y ago
  Those numbers are a lot lower for people whose first marriage is in their 30s and/or those who are financially stable. (Each of those ~halves the risk of divorce).
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
  - willcipriano 2y ago
    > financially stable > halves the risk of divorce For men, becoming unemployed more than doubles your chance of divorce. This effect is not seen for women.
    - toomuchtodo 2y ago
      Citations: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x | https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323934884_Why_does_unemployment_lead_to_divorce_Male-breadwinner_norms_and_divorce_risk_in_30_countries https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323934884_Why_does_... | https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.32674.12489 https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.32674.12489 https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-28/don-t-blame-divorce-on-money-ask-did-the-husband-have-a-job https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-28/don-t-bla... | https://archive.today/5f7hF https://archive.today/5f7hF https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/aug16asrfeature.pdf https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/au...
- PhasmaFelis 2y ago
  You can also make sure, before you get married and/or have kids, that neither one of you is an unreasonable jerk. Then you can work out custodial arrangements and financial obligations like reasonable people, as most divorced people I know seem to do.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]