There are some point where you should redefine what it mean to be an adversary. To be practically forced into a position that lead to this level of harm, by act

There are some point where you should redefine what it mean to be an adversary. To be practically forced into a position that lead to this level of harm, by actors that you don't want to perceive, is something that you may want to analyze. The purpose of a system is what it actually do, not what it claims to do but fails every time at that. Turning everything to vulnerable as fragile with some big strategic and global plan ahead makes you into a disposable asset, a sacrificial victim in some higher level chess game. And you can agree with that with your decisions.