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This hits really close to home and was comforting to read. My situation: mid 30's, got out of a domestic relationship mid-covid. By the time the pandemic ended

This hits really close to home and was comforting to read. My situation: mid 30's, got out of a domestic relationship mid-covid. By the time the pandemic ended, every single friend in my group had moved out of state for lower cost of living. My close family also moved far away or had passed away, and I found myself in a weird situation of living alone, working remotely, and spending 99.999% of my time alone. I like being alone - probably more than most people. I would not describe myself as "lonely" but the lack of a friend/support group is a clear deficiency in my life and not one I feel easily able to rectify. All the usual meeting spots pre-covid where I'd meet people don't seem to really be the same anymore or I feel too old to really hang out at some of them (some trendier bars). I am not religious so church doesn't really feel like an option but I am starting to consider it. Another issue is that in your mid 30's almost everyone has settled down and started having kids and only really prefer socializing with other people who have settled down and have kids, leaving you in an awkward place.

pseudoramble 2y ago
> Another issue is that in your mid 30's almost everyone has settled down and started having kids and only really prefer socializing with other people who have settled down and have kids, leaving you in an awkward place. To add a bit of a different perspective to this, as a parent myself, most of our friend groups are actually child-less and have no plans to have children. I've found it works quite well. They are cool with or genuinely excited to hang out with the kids, and this affords them a way without the full obligation of parenthood. The friend relationship evolves when you have kids, but with the right kinds of people and interest, it evolves in a great way I feel. Of course I'm just part of one family, which is a small sample size. So perhaps you're onto the real trend. But I do feel it important to say that there's room in this world for folks with or without kids. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive!
swozey 2y ago
> or I feel too old to really hang out at some of them (some trendier bars). Do you live in a major city? I just turned 40 and I live downtown in one of the busiest neighborhoods for nightlife. I have a huge group of 25-50+yo friends, male and female, who all eventually meet up at mostly one specific bar but we do bounce around and go do other things around town. I moved to this city without knowing anyone and after 2 years I'e got friends all over the place, some are literally next door or across the street from me. I say this as unless you're talking about younger trendy bars, like more EDM cocktail places, that's probably a bit younger crowd but the bars (dive neighborhood bars) I hang out at are almost all people in their late 20s or 30s. I don't but a bunch of my friends have teenage kids and I still see them just about every day. The youngins (21ish) mostly come out to my bars late Fri and Saturday nights, like 10pm+. If you hear Babyshark on a karaeoke machine you should just avoid it because it's zoomer night and you're going to hear these songs over and over: Abba - Gimme Gimme, Babyshark, and that ra ra Rasputin remix. If a song goes viral on TikTok it's getting played 10x that night. I RARELY see my friend group out that late because those nights can be hellish with all the sloppy drunks but sometimes it's entertaining. Anyway, you're definitely not too old. 30s the new 21 or something. I hate encouraging drinking but I finally just came to the conclusion that I really enjoy going out and socializing and beer just happens to be there so stay fit and try to moderate and watch my liver. I have horrible cabin fever from WFH for 4 years straight so I go do something almost every single day after work lately. And I am MUCH happier than when I wasn't doing that 2 years ago. Hope you find your way soon.
- JohnMakin 2y ago
  > Do you live in a major city? A larger suburb of a major city, but I guess you could say that, yea. I live in the heart of a downtown area I used to frequent in my 20's but the scene has changed a lot since covid. Far younger and quieter than it used to be. Also, I am a little bit on the spectrum so it can be difficult going to places like this alone.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
- nunez 2y ago
  > Anyway, you're definitely not too old. 30s the new 21 or something. I hate encouraging drinking but I finally just came to the conclusion that I really enjoy going out and socializing and beer just happens to be there so stay fit and try to moderate and watch my liver. Good NA beer and mocktails are much easier to find in bars now than it was even five years ago. I don't drink nearly as much as I did in the past because of this.
ryanmcbride 2y ago
Take a look at your city's community classes and see if there's anything you're interested in! A few years ago I took one of the pottery classes that my city offers and it's great for getting out of the house and socializing while also working with my hands so that I feel less like I live on the internet. Doesn't have to be pottery, lots of cities also have classes on cooking, painting, dancing, all kinds of stuff. It's a lot of fun and was pretty much the first time I felt like I was part of a community in my city.
Balgair 2y ago
> I am not religious so church doesn't really feel like an option but I am starting to consider it. Try UU out then: https://www.uua.org/find https://www.uua.org/find You can read more about UU here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism TLDR: Not some wackadoodle hippie thing (think more like Emerson), goes back to Calvinism, some presidents were Unitarian, lots of churches around the US, very very open minded people, be prepared for greybeards
- JohnMakin 2y ago
  I've heard of similar stuff to this, thank you so much, it turns out there's one of these within a mile of me. Will check it out. I'm very materialist in my beliefs, so some stuff might rub me the wrong way, but it could be worth checking out.
- onewheeltom 2y ago
  I went from being a loner 20 year old to finding a wife (married 36 years this month) and making many friends by going to a UU church and getting involved with others my age there. Bonus : No religious dogma!
Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
Heads up, if you like playing with my kids, I enjoy having you around even if you don't have kids! That's how most of my pre-kids friends preserved their relationship with me, and I really appreciate it.
- JohnMakin 2y ago
  It feels unnatural as a single unmarried, slightly on the spectrum male in his 30’s to be interacting with other people’s children that I haven’t had a long relationship with the parents. I think most parents would agree. I am great with kids though, but mostly in the terms of people my age I can meet, they are in their 30’s with kids.
  - Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
    In my mind it was a situation where you start chatting with the parent and then it's the kid to involve you in some way, but your reasons are not wrong, makes sense.
- ASalazarMX 2y ago
  But yikes, some of us decided not to have kids because we don't like kids a lot. Having that as a requirement is a self-fulfilling comfort bubble though, I can see the reasoning.
  - Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
    I mean, you are free to do whatever you want, I was giving a suggestion in case people were not aware. It's usually challenging to keep being friends with a person who doesn't want to be with your kids once you have them. It's similar to the situation when you don't like someone's partner, there isn't much you can do.
cassianoleal 2y ago
TL;DR: Join your local climbing/bouldering gym. I never get tired of saying this. I moved across the ocean at the age of 33, about 10 years ago. I have 3 main groups of friends. Some of them I see very frequently, others less so - but still keep in touch frequently with some of the people in them. Almost everyone in these groups met through climbing and bouldering. That is still the main (not only!) forum where I meet one of the groups. Another group is balanced between climbing, meeting up at the park, board game sessions / house reunions, etc. Climbing, despite being mostly an individual endeavour, is a highly social sport. Most people are nice and will be willing to help out and exchange beta (tips on how to achieve a certain move), or just generally chatting. Soon enough you'll start exchanging phone numbers and creating or being invited to whatsapp groups or similar. It helps you keep fit and active, helps with socialising, and will probably eventually lead to trips to places you never thought visiting, if that's your thing.

pseudoramble 2y ago

> Another issue is that in your mid 30's almost everyone has settled down and started having kids and only really prefer socializing with other people who have settled down and have kids, leaving you in an awkward place. To add a bit of a different perspective to this, as a parent myself, most of our friend groups are actually child-less and have no plans to have children. I've found it works quite well. They are cool with or genuinely excited to hang out with the kids, and this affords them a way without the full obligation of parenthood. The friend relationship evolves when you have kids, but with the right kinds of people and interest, it evolves in a great way I feel. Of course I'm just part of one family, which is a small sample size. So perhaps you're onto the real trend. But I do feel it important to say that there's room in this world for folks with or without kids. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive!

swozey 2y ago

> or I feel too old to really hang out at some of them (some trendier bars). Do you live in a major city? I just turned 40 and I live downtown in one of the busiest neighborhoods for nightlife. I have a huge group of 25-50+yo friends, male and female, who all eventually meet up at mostly one specific bar but we do bounce around and go do other things around town. I moved to this city without knowing anyone and after 2 years I'e got friends all over the place, some are literally next door or across the street from me. I say this as unless you're talking about younger trendy bars, like more EDM cocktail places, that's probably a bit younger crowd but the bars (dive neighborhood bars) I hang out at are almost all people in their late 20s or 30s. I don't but a bunch of my friends have teenage kids and I still see them just about every day. The youngins (21ish) mostly come out to my bars late Fri and Saturday nights, like 10pm+. If you hear Babyshark on a karaeoke machine you should just avoid it because it's zoomer night and you're going to hear these songs over and over: Abba - Gimme Gimme, Babyshark, and that ra ra Rasputin remix. If a song goes viral on TikTok it's getting played 10x that night. I RARELY see my friend group out that late because those nights can be hellish with all the sloppy drunks but sometimes it's entertaining. Anyway, you're definitely not too old. 30s the new 21 or something. I hate encouraging drinking but I finally just came to the conclusion that I really enjoy going out and socializing and beer just happens to be there so stay fit and try to moderate and watch my liver. I have horrible cabin fever from WFH for 4 years straight so I go do something almost every single day after work lately. And I am MUCH happier than when I wasn't doing that 2 years ago. Hope you find your way soon.

JohnMakin 2y ago
> Do you live in a major city? A larger suburb of a major city, but I guess you could say that, yea. I live in the heart of a downtown area I used to frequent in my 20's but the scene has changed a lot since covid. Far younger and quieter than it used to be. Also, I am a little bit on the spectrum so it can be difficult going to places like this alone.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
nunez 2y ago
> Anyway, you're definitely not too old. 30s the new 21 or something. I hate encouraging drinking but I finally just came to the conclusion that I really enjoy going out and socializing and beer just happens to be there so stay fit and try to moderate and watch my liver. Good NA beer and mocktails are much easier to find in bars now than it was even five years ago. I don't drink nearly as much as I did in the past because of this.

ryanmcbride 2y ago

Take a look at your city's community classes and see if there's anything you're interested in! A few years ago I took one of the pottery classes that my city offers and it's great for getting out of the house and socializing while also working with my hands so that I feel less like I live on the internet. Doesn't have to be pottery, lots of cities also have classes on cooking, painting, dancing, all kinds of stuff. It's a lot of fun and was pretty much the first time I felt like I was part of a community in my city.

Balgair 2y ago

> I am not religious so church doesn't really feel like an option but I am starting to consider it. Try UU out then: https://www.uua.org/find https://www.uua.org/find You can read more about UU here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism TLDR: Not some wackadoodle hippie thing (think more like Emerson), goes back to Calvinism, some presidents were Unitarian, lots of churches around the US, very very open minded people, be prepared for greybeards

JohnMakin 2y ago
I've heard of similar stuff to this, thank you so much, it turns out there's one of these within a mile of me. Will check it out. I'm very materialist in my beliefs, so some stuff might rub me the wrong way, but it could be worth checking out.
onewheeltom 2y ago
I went from being a loner 20 year old to finding a wife (married 36 years this month) and making many friends by going to a UU church and getting involved with others my age there. Bonus : No religious dogma!

Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago

Heads up, if you like playing with my kids, I enjoy having you around even if you don't have kids! That's how most of my pre-kids friends preserved their relationship with me, and I really appreciate it.

JohnMakin 2y ago
It feels unnatural as a single unmarried, slightly on the spectrum male in his 30’s to be interacting with other people’s children that I haven’t had a long relationship with the parents. I think most parents would agree. I am great with kids though, but mostly in the terms of people my age I can meet, they are in their 30’s with kids.
- Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
  In my mind it was a situation where you start chatting with the parent and then it's the kid to involve you in some way, but your reasons are not wrong, makes sense.
ASalazarMX 2y ago
But yikes, some of us decided not to have kids because we don't like kids a lot. Having that as a requirement is a self-fulfilling comfort bubble though, I can see the reasoning.
- Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
  I mean, you are free to do whatever you want, I was giving a suggestion in case people were not aware. It's usually challenging to keep being friends with a person who doesn't want to be with your kids once you have them. It's similar to the situation when you don't like someone's partner, there isn't much you can do.

cassianoleal 2y ago

TL;DR: Join your local climbing/bouldering gym. I never get tired of saying this. I moved across the ocean at the age of 33, about 10 years ago. I have 3 main groups of friends. Some of them I see very frequently, others less so - but still keep in touch frequently with some of the people in them. Almost everyone in these groups met through climbing and bouldering. That is still the main (not only!) forum where I meet one of the groups. Another group is balanced between climbing, meeting up at the park, board game sessions / house reunions, etc. Climbing, despite being mostly an individual endeavour, is a highly social sport. Most people are nice and will be willing to help out and exchange beta (tips on how to achieve a certain move), or just generally chatting. Soon enough you'll start exchanging phone numbers and creating or being invited to whatsapp groups or similar. It helps you keep fit and active, helps with socialising, and will probably eventually lead to trips to places you never thought visiting, if that's your thing.