14 ms·

It’s sad that people are waiting so long to have kids to the point that their parents can’t participate anymore in being active grandparents.

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
DaoVeles 2y ago
Alas as many have said elsewhere, it is a side effect of the economics systems around us that have caused this to occur.
- pokstad 2y ago
  I bet that’s partially it. A lot of people don’t want to use their youth to raise kids, they want to use it to have fun. Nature however intended us to do differently.
- BostonFern 2y ago
  It’s certainly also a cultural phenomenon. Most young people in their teens and twenties in the West do not want to start a family at a young age, and not only for economic reasons. It’s a priority to enjoy a lifestyle that’s not compatible with raising children or a marital commitment.
  - tayo42 2y ago
    I thought this, but part of me wonders if life maybe would have been better having kids at 20.i met someone who was 30 with basically independent kids. And then in your 30s and 40s you actually have money to enjoy the world with. Your also still pretty fit in your 30s, maybe not the peak of your fitness but it's not like we're all going pro at sports.
    - wvenable 2y ago
      I had kids both in my early 20s and again in my 30s and being a younger parent was better. You have more of a social life, you have more energy, you aren't as worried about things. I had way less money and lots of things were a struggle but then those were all the best memories. Now money is less of a problem and time is more of a problem.
    - kelnos 2y ago
      I think it depends on the person. My 30s were my most fun decade, and I can't imagine doing much of what I did if I'd had kids then. I knew a few people who'd had kids in their early 20s (and one even earlier), but I barely ever saw them during that 30s time period. I'm in my early/mid 40s now; if I'd had kids in my early 20s I suppose they'd be college-age now, and I'd just be getting back to a more-or-less child-free social life. (Granted, that would depend on all my friends also having done the same thing.) But I don't have kids at all, and, frankly, I don't have the energy to do much of the stuff I did 10 years ago. If I'd spent the last ~20 years raising kids I imagine I'd have even less energy than I do now. But at the same time I can't imagine having a newborn now, or even in the past 5 years or so. That sounds beyond exhausting, and I'm not sure I'd be able to do it.
  - wvenable 2y ago
    I don't think culturally it's changed to much -- around the mid-to-late twenties is still when most people want to settle down, get married, and have kids. Of the people in this age range that I know, the more well-off they are the more likely they are currently married and having kids. Those that aren't well-off are not enjoying a lifestyle because they can't afford that either.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
extr 2y ago
You don’t have to wait that long for this to become an issue. If your parents started having kids at 25, and you start at 25 (late by historical standards but almost early by modern), they’re at least 50, probably even pushing 60 if it’s not the first of the first. Watching very young kids is hard on your back, lots of bending over and picking up. The raw strength required isn’t totally trivial. Even 50 year olds can have trouble with this. It gets better by the time they’re 2-3 and can walk, but of course other childcare options become more available at that point as well.
dottjt 2y ago
I think another side-effect of this is that parents no longer want their active grand parents to participate in looking after their children. All their ideas about how to bring up children are completely outdated by modern standards, so it's just constant fighting over how things should be done, so we don't even bother getting them involved.
kredd 2y ago
It might be sad for the social/economical future, but it’s really not sad for people who are not having kids in their 20s. They might regret it in the future, but as of now, their decisions are pretty solid and logical, if you think about the opportunity loss. Within my circles, especially my girl friends, are having one child around mid-30s as they don’t want to give up on their careers. Even worse to be completely depended on their partners as that gives them less choices in life. Cannot blame them, it’s easy for me to want a child, but imagining to go through 3 pregnancies (basically to increase the population) in their 20s is giving up on everything that everyone else gets to do at that age.
- rustcleaner 2y ago
  What opportunity? To be one of the 2% rockstars? To earn 2x median in a city with a CoL 2.5x? End up in mid-late middle age and realize you're going to die alone if you don't act (ladies: if you get here you are screwed on fertility; do not get here unless you 100% intend to)? What is the opportunity value of a spouse and five grown and integrated children when you're 62 and joints worn out? Likely not ending up in a nursing home unless you were an asshat disciplinarian. Government and pension could collapse and you would be relatively peachy. See? Lots of benefits and your children appreciate over time as investments, unlike most things you can blow your opportunity-money on! One day you will lose your biological faculties and then some day soon after you will die. Caveat emptor, and plan accordingly.
  - j7ake 2y ago
    For the same working opportunities as men get in their 20s and 30s.
  - kredd 2y ago
    Knowing my girl friends, if you said the same thing to them, they would probably laugh at you and continue enjoying their lives. Like it’s really not that bad out there. There are ups and downs, but we live in decent cities, have fun, find fulfilment in things other than children.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

DaoVeles 2y ago

Alas as many have said elsewhere, it is a side effect of the economics systems around us that have caused this to occur.

pokstad 2y ago
I bet that’s partially it. A lot of people don’t want to use their youth to raise kids, they want to use it to have fun. Nature however intended us to do differently.
BostonFern 2y ago
It’s certainly also a cultural phenomenon. Most young people in their teens and twenties in the West do not want to start a family at a young age, and not only for economic reasons. It’s a priority to enjoy a lifestyle that’s not compatible with raising children or a marital commitment.
- tayo42 2y ago
  I thought this, but part of me wonders if life maybe would have been better having kids at 20.i met someone who was 30 with basically independent kids. And then in your 30s and 40s you actually have money to enjoy the world with. Your also still pretty fit in your 30s, maybe not the peak of your fitness but it's not like we're all going pro at sports.
  - wvenable 2y ago
    I had kids both in my early 20s and again in my 30s and being a younger parent was better. You have more of a social life, you have more energy, you aren't as worried about things. I had way less money and lots of things were a struggle but then those were all the best memories. Now money is less of a problem and time is more of a problem.
  - kelnos 2y ago
    I think it depends on the person. My 30s were my most fun decade, and I can't imagine doing much of what I did if I'd had kids then. I knew a few people who'd had kids in their early 20s (and one even earlier), but I barely ever saw them during that 30s time period. I'm in my early/mid 40s now; if I'd had kids in my early 20s I suppose they'd be college-age now, and I'd just be getting back to a more-or-less child-free social life. (Granted, that would depend on all my friends also having done the same thing.) But I don't have kids at all, and, frankly, I don't have the energy to do much of the stuff I did 10 years ago. If I'd spent the last ~20 years raising kids I imagine I'd have even less energy than I do now. But at the same time I can't imagine having a newborn now, or even in the past 5 years or so. That sounds beyond exhausting, and I'm not sure I'd be able to do it.
- wvenable 2y ago
  I don't think culturally it's changed to much -- around the mid-to-late twenties is still when most people want to settle down, get married, and have kids. Of the people in this age range that I know, the more well-off they are the more likely they are currently married and having kids. Those that aren't well-off are not enjoying a lifestyle because they can't afford that either.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]

extr 2y ago

You don’t have to wait that long for this to become an issue. If your parents started having kids at 25, and you start at 25 (late by historical standards but almost early by modern), they’re at least 50, probably even pushing 60 if it’s not the first of the first. Watching very young kids is hard on your back, lots of bending over and picking up. The raw strength required isn’t totally trivial. Even 50 year olds can have trouble with this. It gets better by the time they’re 2-3 and can walk, but of course other childcare options become more available at that point as well.

dottjt 2y ago

I think another side-effect of this is that parents no longer want their active grand parents to participate in looking after their children. All their ideas about how to bring up children are completely outdated by modern standards, so it's just constant fighting over how things should be done, so we don't even bother getting them involved.

kredd 2y ago

It might be sad for the social/economical future, but it’s really not sad for people who are not having kids in their 20s. They might regret it in the future, but as of now, their decisions are pretty solid and logical, if you think about the opportunity loss. Within my circles, especially my girl friends, are having one child around mid-30s as they don’t want to give up on their careers. Even worse to be completely depended on their partners as that gives them less choices in life. Cannot blame them, it’s easy for me to want a child, but imagining to go through 3 pregnancies (basically to increase the population) in their 20s is giving up on everything that everyone else gets to do at that age.

rustcleaner 2y ago
What opportunity? To be one of the 2% rockstars? To earn 2x median in a city with a CoL 2.5x? End up in mid-late middle age and realize you're going to die alone if you don't act (ladies: if you get here you are screwed on fertility; do not get here unless you 100% intend to)? What is the opportunity value of a spouse and five grown and integrated children when you're 62 and joints worn out? Likely not ending up in a nursing home unless you were an asshat disciplinarian. Government and pension could collapse and you would be relatively peachy. See? Lots of benefits and your children appreciate over time as investments, unlike most things you can blow your opportunity-money on! One day you will lose your biological faculties and then some day soon after you will die. Caveat emptor, and plan accordingly.
- j7ake 2y ago
  For the same working opportunities as men get in their 20s and 30s.
- kredd 2y ago
  Knowing my girl friends, if you said the same thing to them, they would probably laugh at you and continue enjoying their lives. Like it’s really not that bad out there. There are ups and downs, but we live in decent cities, have fun, find fulfilment in things other than children.