3 ms·

First paragraph: clause comma clause comma clause comma clause period. 8 commas to one period. I mean I just can't read this. I'm far from a literary person, b

• HKH2 2y ago
  It's the length of the sentence that makes it cumbersome.
• esafak 2y ago
  The writer's just generous with his subclauses and commas. Here's the opening sentence of Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
• A_D_E_P_T 2y ago
  It's not really that bad. Perhaps a bit old-fashioned; the author might be a fan of 19th century literature. That paragraph would be improved with a dash instead of a comma after "currents" -- but, besides that, there's nothing much wrong with it.