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Not sure I should answer a post with a "how exactly" in it, to be honest, because it's rude. But: I don't, but that negative emotion shouldn't necessarily be g

by ecjhdnc2025 2y ago

Not sure I should answer a post with a "how exactly" in it, to be honest, because it's rude. But: I don't, but that negative emotion shouldn't necessarily be guilt. First off, we don't know the obligation can't be fulfilled in this case. No reason to feel guilty if it can be. Things change. Second, if there is genuinely nothing you can do to fulfil a moral obligation because of systemic issues, there is no value in guilt; it's literally not your fault. There might be negative emotions but it's better to consider them sadness or helplessness, and push away guilt. Negative emotions happen. But taking on guilt for things you did not do and cannot fix for reasons outside your control is significantly emotionally damaging.

dasil003 2y ago
Apologies for the rude tone. I was mis-reading your comment as saying it's possible to fully avoid negative emotions around this type of situation, but going back I see that wasn't what you said. Yes, I agree with everything you've written here. The only nuance I'd add is that feeling guilt (or sadness, or helplessness) is not necessarily bad—emotions are valuable signals that can be mined for insight. I think the problem comes when we start to dwell on negative emotions and then internalize them as somehow representative of the state of the universe. Don't try to suppress or change the emotion, feel it, acknowledge it, then take a breath and decide on a course of action that you think will lead to the best outcome.
- ecjhdnc2025 2y ago
  Actually it is me who should apologise; I'm in an awful mood today and on other days would not have been so pompous, I hope :-) And yes -- I think to some extent my determination to push myself not to accept guilt for things that aren't my fault comes from realising that guilt for imagined misdeeds is the most potent fuel for OCD, which has wrecked the pattern of my life; it is a thief of joy. When I explained one of my OCD obsessions/compulsions to a friend, they said "I can understand why that affected you but you understand it is literally absurd to have guilt from that?", and it was one of the most empowering things I've ever heard. Guilt is a burden that good people willingly shoulder and bad people willingly shirk (if they are capable of it at all). Internalising that there are more productive negative emotions to feel than unearned, secondhand guilt is a life's work for me.

dasil003 2y ago

Apologies for the rude tone. I was mis-reading your comment as saying it's possible to fully avoid negative emotions around this type of situation, but going back I see that wasn't what you said. Yes, I agree with everything you've written here. The only nuance I'd add is that feeling guilt (or sadness, or helplessness) is not necessarily bad—emotions are valuable signals that can be mined for insight. I think the problem comes when we start to dwell on negative emotions and then internalize them as somehow representative of the state of the universe. Don't try to suppress or change the emotion, feel it, acknowledge it, then take a breath and decide on a course of action that you think will lead to the best outcome.

ecjhdnc2025 2y ago
Actually it is me who should apologise; I'm in an awful mood today and on other days would not have been so pompous, I hope :-) And yes -- I think to some extent my determination to push myself not to accept guilt for things that aren't my fault comes from realising that guilt for imagined misdeeds is the most potent fuel for OCD, which has wrecked the pattern of my life; it is a thief of joy. When I explained one of my OCD obsessions/compulsions to a friend, they said "I can understand why that affected you but you understand it is literally absurd to have guilt from that?", and it was one of the most empowering things I've ever heard. Guilt is a burden that good people willingly shoulder and bad people willingly shirk (if they are capable of it at all). Internalising that there are more productive negative emotions to feel than unearned, secondhand guilt is a life's work for me.