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Dumb question, but what do you do when they go e.g. "oh wow, you remembered/good memory!" to something you wrote a reminder for that they didn't expect you to r

Dumb question, but what do you do when they go e.g. "oh wow, you remembered/good memory!" to something you wrote a reminder for that they didn't expect you to remember? Nod and pretend it was your memory? Just disregard the comment? Or tell them you wrote it down...? It feels a little bit awkward for people to think you remembered them only to realize you just wrote it down and forgot until your notes reminded you. Edit: Also, if they never realize what you're doing, then doesn't it become even more awkward when you suddenly forget something that you didn't happen to write down, especially when that thing seems easier to remember than what you normally appeared to? (e.g., "how did he remember the party I was going to a month ago but not the fact that my dad was in the hospital last week??")

theossuary 2y ago
This is a good example of when saying less is better. Having journaled or written things down doesn't mean you didn't remember. If they compliment your memory, accept it! You did remember. If you missed something later, for any reason, well then you just didn't remember, it happens to everyone. I personally keep notes on my friends and if they mention something, a like, a dislike, a desire or aspiration or goal, I write it down. In years of doing this, I've never had anyone think it was anything but very flattering if they found out, and I'd let them read theirs haha. Being friends means thinking about them, and putting in effort. If I found out a friend journaled each day and thought enough of our conversations to include them, well I'd be flattered too.
- SOLAR_FIELDS 2y ago
  My understanding is that the software Monica/Chandler is built around this concept
- throwup238 2y ago
  > In years of doing this, I've never had anyone think it was anything but very flattering if they found out, and I'd let them read theirs haha. You really need to know your audience when you do this. My associates were none too happy to find out that I was taking notes on their criminal conspiracies.
tonymet 2y ago
Responding a compliment is a skill in itself. Less is more. A simple : "thanks for saying that" , is adequate. I assure you nobody is keeping score. People are so self-concerned that they honestly won't remember what you said, only the feeling they had when you said it.
- dataflow 2y ago
  > only the feeling they had when you said it. The kind of situation I'm worried about is exactly what would affect this though. Like say your friend went on what was supposed to be a fun trip they'd planned for months, but then their dad died in the middle. And you didn't write it down and just forgot it. So they come back and instead of "how're you doing?" or "I'm sorry to hear about your dad" you instead go "did you have fun partying?" or "how was the celebration?" or whatever. They probably wouldn't feel so great hearing you remembering the wrong thing?
  - tonymet 2y ago
    it's good that you are so empathetic. even more of a reason to use this method. everyone will have gaffes that's natural. practice makes perfect. I still mix up names and make mistakes from time to time, usually because I overthink things and worry about getting them mixed up.

theossuary 2y ago

This is a good example of when saying less is better. Having journaled or written things down doesn't mean you didn't remember. If they compliment your memory, accept it! You did remember. If you missed something later, for any reason, well then you just didn't remember, it happens to everyone. I personally keep notes on my friends and if they mention something, a like, a dislike, a desire or aspiration or goal, I write it down. In years of doing this, I've never had anyone think it was anything but very flattering if they found out, and I'd let them read theirs haha. Being friends means thinking about them, and putting in effort. If I found out a friend journaled each day and thought enough of our conversations to include them, well I'd be flattered too.

SOLAR_FIELDS 2y ago
My understanding is that the software Monica/Chandler is built around this concept
throwup238 2y ago
> In years of doing this, I've never had anyone think it was anything but very flattering if they found out, and I'd let them read theirs haha. You really need to know your audience when you do this. My associates were none too happy to find out that I was taking notes on their criminal conspiracies.

tonymet 2y ago

Responding a compliment is a skill in itself. Less is more. A simple : "thanks for saying that" , is adequate. I assure you nobody is keeping score. People are so self-concerned that they honestly won't remember what you said, only the feeling they had when you said it.

dataflow 2y ago
> only the feeling they had when you said it. The kind of situation I'm worried about is exactly what would affect this though. Like say your friend went on what was supposed to be a fun trip they'd planned for months, but then their dad died in the middle. And you didn't write it down and just forgot it. So they come back and instead of "how're you doing?" or "I'm sorry to hear about your dad" you instead go "did you have fun partying?" or "how was the celebration?" or whatever. They probably wouldn't feel so great hearing you remembering the wrong thing?
- tonymet 2y ago
  it's good that you are so empathetic. even more of a reason to use this method. everyone will have gaffes that's natural. practice makes perfect. I still mix up names and make mistakes from time to time, usually because I overthink things and worry about getting them mixed up.