I do but the answer is not obvious, and when I talk to my friends it's often surprising, too. There is some complex dynamics at play, with varying levels of exp

I do but the answer is not obvious, and when I talk to my friends it's often surprising, too. There is some complex dynamics at play, with varying levels of expectations on the part of both partners, often having quite different ideas as to why they decided to have kids (heck, this even changes in time post factum!), and what would make them have another one now.