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It was scary to me how fast even my doctor wanted to medicate my grief to put it behind me. I was seeing her six weeks after my sister and nephew had died, only
by smeej 2y ago
It was scary to me how fast even my doctor wanted to medicate my grief to put it behind me. I was seeing her six weeks after my sister and nephew had died, only two weeks after I had returned from their hometown 1500 miles away where I had spent a month trying to help my parents not absolutely collapse. I was having trouble working full-time, and a friend had told me a diagnosis of "adjustment disorder non-specified" was basically code for "situational grief" and should be able to get me some FMLA flexibility for a couple months until I could handle full-time reliably again.
I told the doc I thought the grief I was feeling only six weeks after a sudden and devastating loss was entirely appropriate, and that suppressing it seemed like it would make things worse, not better, but I'd let her know if things changed.
When it had been a year and I was still struggling to function (granted that year had been full of other awful things), I finally did ask for help with an antidepressant, which did provide the boost I needed to start exercising agency in my life again, so it's not like it was altogether the wrong suggestion. It was just much, much too early.
I found that the real friends in that situation were the ones who didn't need me to be someone else or somewhere else (emotionally) to love me.
- JohnBooty 2y agoIt's a tough call. I agree with so much of what you're saying. That grief is devastating and appropriate - you can't love somebody with your whole heart without also grieving them with your whole heart. What I've never been able to figure out for myself is if antidepressants and their ilk are "suppressing" the grief. Or are they more like a cast that helps a broken bone to heal? I just honestly don't know. Like you I've decided to largely avoid them and fight through on my own. I never know if I'm making the best choice. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad things sound like they're heading in a better direction.
- smeej 2y agoThis felt like it was so soon nobody had even had time to set the bone yet. I think I would have appreciated it more if she had just put more context around it, like, "This is a really big thing you're going through. It's going to take a lot out of you, and it's going to take a lot of time. There's a lot I can't do, as your doctor, like bring them back. Some things just take time. But also sometimes antidepressants can help, whether at this stage of the journey or later on, and if that's an option you'd like to consider at some point, know I'll be available for that conversation." Maybe she was just inexperienced with grief. I don't know. It was just way too soon.
- JohnBooty 2y agoMan, yeah. I wish they would acknowledge it like that.