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> Spend your remaining days at home if possible. This sounds appealing in the abstract but one thing to consider is the impact on other family members. My pare

> Spend your remaining days at home if possible. This sounds appealing in the abstract but one thing to consider is the impact on other family members. My parents had a neighbor who chose to remain at home. However that meant his wife also had to stay at home to look after him (yes there were nurses who came in a couple of times a day, but a lot of the burden was still on the wife.) This meant her own life basically shut down. She never went out, and spent at least a year fully housebound for his care. Once he died, she was able to go out, reconnect with friends, kickstart her life again. Couldn't help feeling the husband's choice here was a selfish one.

scottcorgan 2y ago
No place is rather be than with my spouse in a time like that!
- martinpw 2y ago
  I think that's easy to say in the abstract, but the reality can be quite different. Of course every case is different, but for example: * Spouse has dementia, does not recognize you, abuses you for being an intruder in the house, constantly shouts for help all times of day and night. * Feeding, cleaning (double incontinence). * Can't go out except for a few minutes when nurses are present. The above goes on for months and even years with no end in sight. No chance to go out for exercise, hikes in nature, meeting friends. Isolation. At home carers have significantly reduced life expectancy for good reason. Having hospice care where they can be well looked after is not a bad option, and is not a sign of weakness or failure for a partner.
  - LorenPechtel 2y ago
    Dementia is particularly evil. As far as I'm concerned I am my mind. If my mind is gone my body doesn't matter, please don't waste effort in caring for it.
    - namtab00 2y ago
      Thing is, it doesn't happen like flicking a switch, it's progressive and tricky to process as a caretaker. I'm seeing this right now with a close friend and her 83yo mother. It's seriously damaging to my friend, and no amount of my reasoning with her seems to help her process her mother's cognitive decay... ...and it leaves me defeated also, I don't have the tools to really be of true help.

scottcorgan 2y ago

No place is rather be than with my spouse in a time like that!

martinpw 2y ago
I think that's easy to say in the abstract, but the reality can be quite different. Of course every case is different, but for example: * Spouse has dementia, does not recognize you, abuses you for being an intruder in the house, constantly shouts for help all times of day and night. * Feeding, cleaning (double incontinence). * Can't go out except for a few minutes when nurses are present. The above goes on for months and even years with no end in sight. No chance to go out for exercise, hikes in nature, meeting friends. Isolation. At home carers have significantly reduced life expectancy for good reason. Having hospice care where they can be well looked after is not a bad option, and is not a sign of weakness or failure for a partner.
- LorenPechtel 2y ago
  Dementia is particularly evil. As far as I'm concerned I am my mind. If my mind is gone my body doesn't matter, please don't waste effort in caring for it.
  - namtab00 2y ago
    Thing is, it doesn't happen like flicking a switch, it's progressive and tricky to process as a caretaker. I'm seeing this right now with a close friend and her 83yo mother. It's seriously damaging to my friend, and no amount of my reasoning with her seems to help her process her mother's cognitive decay... ...and it leaves me defeated also, I don't have the tools to really be of true help.