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What kind of Christianity? Nicene or Restorationist? Which denomination, Ryan? Adventism, Anabaptism, Anglicanism, Baptists, Lutheranism, Methodism, Moravianis

What kind of Christianity? Nicene or Restorationist? Which denomination, Ryan? Adventism, Anabaptism, Anglicanism, Baptists, Lutheranism, Methodism, Moravianism, Quakerism, Pentecostalism, Plymouth Brethren, Reformed Christianity, Waldensianism? Which subbranch of which denomination? It's that fucking Simpsons quote, "Bart, we're here to bring you back to the one true faith, Western Branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism". That's why the government doesn't sponsor religion. Because there'd be a fucking civil war between the sects of Christianity trying to get their creed as the state one and the persecuted ones wouldn't back down. Nevertheless, if I was forced to teach the kids the Bible I'd personally go straight for Nestorianism. Indoctrinate those kids and take that Nicene Creed down a peg.

thesuperbigfrog 2y ago
Comedian Emo Philips tells of walking across a bridge and seeing a man standing on the edge, ready to jump off. He ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Well, there’s so much to live for.” “Like what?” “Well, are you religious?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?” “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” “Baptist.” “Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” “Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God or Reformed Baptist Church of God?” “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?” His new friend replied, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915.” To which Philips replied, “Die, heretic!,” and he pushed him off. Source: https://www.crosswalk.com/headlines/contributors/dr-james-emery-white/the-best-religious-joke-ever.html https://www.crosswalk.com/headlines/contributors/dr-james-em...
- jmpman 2y ago
  Emo Philips tours with Weird Al, and did this joke at the last Weird Al concert. Thrilled to hear it live.
jollofricepeas 2y ago
To be fair. They said teach the Bible NOT Christianity. We should most definitely teach the Bible in its historical context starting with: - the genocide of indigenous peoples particularly the California Genocide from 1846-1873 - slavery and corporate interests (160?-1865) - manifest destiny - lynching in a Christian country (1860-1950) - the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki - civil rights movement (1950-1968) - the Catholic Church sex abuse scandals - Christian Zionism, corporate interests and apartheid in the Middle East
- krapp 2y ago
  If you really want to be fair, they said "teach from the Bible," not teach about the Bible.
- noworriesnate 2y ago
  This is a good list, but why start there? We should start with the genocides in the Bible itself. There are so many, it's hard to pick just one, but I think my favorite is where David, a man after God's own heart, killed all the males in Edom. Who said that feminism has no place in the church? /s
  - jollofricepeas 2y ago
    Good point. Seems like a good place to start to answer… “How did genocide and murder in the Bible influence government and church sanctioned violence in the so called New World?”
- TeaBrain 2y ago
  Some of what you listed might be appropriate if the class were a Christianity focused social studies class. By teaching the bible, they would be meaning the teaching of the text of the bible. I'd assume this would be more like a literature class where only the overall text and passages are evaluated, not the influence of the text on other people. That said, this is very arguably a violation of the establishment clause.
  - 2y ago
pylua 2y ago
I believe this line of thought was one of the drivers of the original separation of church and state premise.
noworriesnate 2y ago
The solution to this is obvious. We need to ask each denomination supply gladiators\W\W\W\W\Wmissionaries who will debate the finer points of doctrine with warhammers. Once everyone agrees there's a winner then the winner gets to decide what is taught in schools. To register disagreement, more gladiators\W\W\W\W\Wmartyrs have to step up. It'll provide a safe outlet for that overpowering martyrdom complex, it'll be entertaining, and it'll never get resolved. Vote for me in 2024.
err4nt 2y ago
Bible !== christianity, or any of those things you listed. It's the best-preserved-most-ancient library of texts that have been continually read daily by at least someone ever since they were produced, and have had a huge impact on western thought and civilization, conceptions of morality, justice, duty, separation between authority and religion within society, etc. And it does all of that while being shared between many religions.
- yawpitch 2y ago
  > And it does all of that while being shared between many religions. And also while being a collection of mythology, hearsay, internally inconsistent if not mutually contradictory moral codes, and objectively bad poetry!

thesuperbigfrog 2y ago

Comedian Emo Philips tells of walking across a bridge and seeing a man standing on the edge, ready to jump off. He ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Well, there’s so much to live for.” “Like what?” “Well, are you religious?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?” “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” “Baptist.” “Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” “Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God or Reformed Baptist Church of God?” “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?” His new friend replied, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915.” To which Philips replied, “Die, heretic!,” and he pushed him off. Source: https://www.crosswalk.com/headlines/contributors/dr-james-emery-white/the-best-religious-joke-ever.html https://www.crosswalk.com/headlines/contributors/dr-james-em...

jmpman 2y ago
Emo Philips tours with Weird Al, and did this joke at the last Weird Al concert. Thrilled to hear it live.

jollofricepeas 2y ago

To be fair. They said teach the Bible NOT Christianity. We should most definitely teach the Bible in its historical context starting with: - the genocide of indigenous peoples particularly the California Genocide from 1846-1873 - slavery and corporate interests (160?-1865) - manifest destiny - lynching in a Christian country (1860-1950) - the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki - civil rights movement (1950-1968) - the Catholic Church sex abuse scandals - Christian Zionism, corporate interests and apartheid in the Middle East

krapp 2y ago
If you really want to be fair, they said "teach from the Bible," not teach about the Bible.
noworriesnate 2y ago
This is a good list, but why start there? We should start with the genocides in the Bible itself. There are so many, it's hard to pick just one, but I think my favorite is where David, a man after God's own heart, killed all the males in Edom. Who said that feminism has no place in the church? /s
- jollofricepeas 2y ago
  Good point. Seems like a good place to start to answer… “How did genocide and murder in the Bible influence government and church sanctioned violence in the so called New World?”
TeaBrain 2y ago
Some of what you listed might be appropriate if the class were a Christianity focused social studies class. By teaching the bible, they would be meaning the teaching of the text of the bible. I'd assume this would be more like a literature class where only the overall text and passages are evaluated, not the influence of the text on other people. That said, this is very arguably a violation of the establishment clause.
- 2y ago

pylua 2y ago

I believe this line of thought was one of the drivers of the original separation of church and state premise.

noworriesnate 2y ago

The solution to this is obvious. We need to ask each denomination supply gladiators\W\W\W\W\Wmissionaries who will debate the finer points of doctrine with warhammers. Once everyone agrees there's a winner then the winner gets to decide what is taught in schools. To register disagreement, more gladiators\W\W\W\W\Wmartyrs have to step up. It'll provide a safe outlet for that overpowering martyrdom complex, it'll be entertaining, and it'll never get resolved. Vote for me in 2024.

err4nt 2y ago

Bible !== christianity, or any of those things you listed. It's the best-preserved-most-ancient library of texts that have been continually read daily by at least someone ever since they were produced, and have had a huge impact on western thought and civilization, conceptions of morality, justice, duty, separation between authority and religion within society, etc. And it does all of that while being shared between many religions.

yawpitch 2y ago
> And it does all of that while being shared between many religions. And also while being a collection of mythology, hearsay, internally inconsistent if not mutually contradictory moral codes, and objectively bad poetry!