I will pay you $5,000 today (metaphorically speaking) if you can give me a today solution on IRC that gives me every feature I care about with slack and works a

I will pay you $5,000 today (metaphorically speaking) if you can give me a today solution on IRC that gives me every feature I care about with slack and works as well as slack for people who have never used IRC. Caution: That means interoperating with Okta/SAML, and seamless client-side history with administrator-set retention periods (deleted on server and all clients), and the ability to move something from a DM to a private channel to a public channel and vice versa and the hundreds of features that Slack has built because they've had millions and millions of dollars that open source doesn't have. Businesses have different needs than IRC (or Matrix) provides. It'd be amazing if someone could build a foundation that allowed common open source competition over slack but we can see all the problems with business-focused OSS these days.