6 ms·

I'm frequently surprised by what is considered by other parents as too scary for their children to watch or read, when it seems to me the whole point of scary s

I'm frequently surprised by what is considered by other parents as too scary for their children to watch or read, when it seems to me the whole point of scary stories is to provide a safe place for children to feel scared and learn what it takes overcome fear. That's not to say that anything goes, just that I think parents need to be willing to let their children be appropriately afraid and comfort them and teach them courage. Avoiding any scary themes or dangerous ideas, instead of providing safe ways to engage with these things, I think leads to children growing into adults who will have a much harder time recognising and dealing with the real dangers of life.

ip26 2y ago
Nobody anchors with age. One parent will advocate for allowing children to watch Scarface, without mentioning their child is 17. Another parent will explain The Neverending Story is far too scary, without mentioning their child just turned 4 yesterday. Much like parents who trumpet how children should be free to roam and explore without meddling from adults, but never clarify whether they are talking about middle schoolers or toddlers.
- pnutjam 2y ago
  I control movies, but books are much more open. If a child can read it; they should be allowed. The process of ingesting a novel is so different from a video. You're experiences and maturity put limits on how you perceive things you read. Books open your mind to new ideas and that should be encouraged even if the ideas are more mature.
- ben_w 2y ago
  You've just reminded me that I learned about Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was 8 or 9 from a girl in my class describing the ending. I've never seen it and have no intention ever to do so.
  - cess11 2y ago
    I'm not going to try and convince you to watch it, but would like to remark that it is not at all as visceral and graphic as it is commonly made out to be. It's more about disturbing atmosphere than gore. Personally I find it interesting in part because it's pretty much based on (early seventies) news reports about crime and serial killers, trying to capture that kind of storytelling. The horror comes more from socially prevalent suspicions about working class, rural and mentally disabled people than on the nose depictions of violence. A supposedly frightening revolt of the subaltern, of sorts. I find much of what I see in the news much, much nastier than anything this movie has to offer.
- bunderbunder 2y ago
  Nobody anchors to temperament, either. I don't think twice about letting my 7 year old watch shows that I steer my 9 year old away from. The 7 year old, a thrill seeker, enjoys things that would give my 9 year old nightmares for a week.
  - kridsdale3 2y ago
    Maybe the nightmares are a method for the child to process the perceived trauma and come out on the other side as more resilient. What actual harm is happening?
lynx23 2y ago
I can relate to this, however, I come from a very different angle. I was born visually impaired, and went blind at the age of 7. If I were to name the single most important thing that was holding me back, then it was the protectiveness of my father and my mother*. Counterintuitive, but if anything is really bad, then if you prevent your kid from making its own experiences.
Arisaka1 2y ago
Is it odd that that's how I used to see video games, as a safe environment to learn grit, how to reason about systems and choosing better actions, where "better" is defined as "actions that lead you to beat the game" or "achieve a better score"?
- pavlov 2y ago
  > 'how to reason about systems and choosing better actions, where "better" is defined as "actions that lead you to beat the game" or "achieve a better score"' This is a double-edged sword because in the real world, actually interesting systems don't have this kind of closed feedback loop. Training your mind for this can lead to an inside-the-box mindset where you need to find the score which would provide the external validation of your actions. For a lot of people, money provides that reassuring score, and then money becomes the primary value in one's life replacing any deeper intrinsic motivation.
  - ben_w 2y ago
    Indeed; "Money is a way to keep track of the score" was explicitly stated in some of the entrepreneurial presentations I went to at the end of my degree, the first time I tried self employment.
- chinchilla2020 2y ago
  I did too. No longer. Video games tend to have a pre-built path. The real world has minimal feedback loops and millions of bad choices.
cpursley 2y ago
[flagged]
epolanski 2y ago
In Italy is now illegal to send your kids to school alone before they turn 14, it's now legally child abandonment. Even if the school is few hundreds meters from your house. I went to school alone since my second day of elementary school, in Japan kids cross Tokyo streets at the same age. I have given math lessons for two decades and during that timespan kids have changed a lot due to how much parents changed. It went quickly from "if he doesn't listen you slap him hard" to "how dares the teacher give him a bad grade". I have brought that topic with some people my age on a programming board and all fellow devs surprisingly told me they agreed, that it is child abandonment and streets are dangerous. I feel like such over protection makes for young adults that are absolutely unprepared for the harshness of real life.
- graemep 2y ago
  That is insane! I had taken my kids out of school by that age, but they would go to places alone much younger than that - depending on where we lived, the time of day etc.
  - _zoltan_ 2y ago
    if you don't mind me asking, why take them out? did you homeschool them?
    - epolanski 2y ago
      Will never understand homeschooling, social (and even survival) skills are the most important to learn when young imho.
      - polymatter 2y ago
        And they can be learnt outside of school just as well. I'll never understand how readily people are to accept schooling.
        bluGill 2y ago
pflenker 2y ago
> when it seems to me the whole point of scary stories is to provide a safe place for children to feel scared and learn what it takes overcome fear. That’s not the point of the original scary fairy tales. The point was to keep kids from danger by scaring them so much that they don’t expose themselves to said danger. The downside of this style of child raising , of course, is that kids are unable to realistically assess the danger and sometimes don’t shed their fears when they get older.
- taberiand 2y ago
  I suppose so, but I think from a modern parenting perspective scary stories should be used to teach resilience to fear.
- cywick 2y ago
  Yes, exactly. There is too much romanticizing of scary fairy tales as useful educational tools. It's important to remember that the pedagogical model behind these stories was the same that lead people to believe that harsh corporal punishment was a crucial component of successfully raising a child.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
hot_gril 2y ago
I agree for reading. The example of Cinderella's sisters chopping her feet isn't too much for a child to read about, but nobody wants to watch that in an animated film. There's also a point where books become unsuitable for children. "All Quiet on the Western Front" with its gruesome WWI details probably wouldn't have been a good idea before 5th grade, and it was a good thing we were older reading "Cupid and Psyche" in Latin where the main character gets r---d within the first 3 pages.

ip26 2y ago

Nobody anchors with age. One parent will advocate for allowing children to watch Scarface, without mentioning their child is 17. Another parent will explain The Neverending Story is far too scary, without mentioning their child just turned 4 yesterday. Much like parents who trumpet how children should be free to roam and explore without meddling from adults, but never clarify whether they are talking about middle schoolers or toddlers.

pnutjam 2y ago
I control movies, but books are much more open. If a child can read it; they should be allowed. The process of ingesting a novel is so different from a video. You're experiences and maturity put limits on how you perceive things you read. Books open your mind to new ideas and that should be encouraged even if the ideas are more mature.
ben_w 2y ago
You've just reminded me that I learned about Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was 8 or 9 from a girl in my class describing the ending. I've never seen it and have no intention ever to do so.
- cess11 2y ago
  I'm not going to try and convince you to watch it, but would like to remark that it is not at all as visceral and graphic as it is commonly made out to be. It's more about disturbing atmosphere than gore. Personally I find it interesting in part because it's pretty much based on (early seventies) news reports about crime and serial killers, trying to capture that kind of storytelling. The horror comes more from socially prevalent suspicions about working class, rural and mentally disabled people than on the nose depictions of violence. A supposedly frightening revolt of the subaltern, of sorts. I find much of what I see in the news much, much nastier than anything this movie has to offer.
bunderbunder 2y ago
Nobody anchors to temperament, either. I don't think twice about letting my 7 year old watch shows that I steer my 9 year old away from. The 7 year old, a thrill seeker, enjoys things that would give my 9 year old nightmares for a week.
- kridsdale3 2y ago
  Maybe the nightmares are a method for the child to process the perceived trauma and come out on the other side as more resilient. What actual harm is happening?

lynx23 2y ago

I can relate to this, however, I come from a very different angle. I was born visually impaired, and went blind at the age of 7. If I were to name the single most important thing that was holding me back, then it was the protectiveness of my father and my mother*. Counterintuitive, but if anything is really bad, then if you prevent your kid from making its own experiences.

Arisaka1 2y ago

Is it odd that that's how I used to see video games, as a safe environment to learn grit, how to reason about systems and choosing better actions, where "better" is defined as "actions that lead you to beat the game" or "achieve a better score"?

pavlov 2y ago
> 'how to reason about systems and choosing better actions, where "better" is defined as "actions that lead you to beat the game" or "achieve a better score"' This is a double-edged sword because in the real world, actually interesting systems don't have this kind of closed feedback loop. Training your mind for this can lead to an inside-the-box mindset where you need to find the score which would provide the external validation of your actions. For a lot of people, money provides that reassuring score, and then money becomes the primary value in one's life replacing any deeper intrinsic motivation.
- ben_w 2y ago
  Indeed; "Money is a way to keep track of the score" was explicitly stated in some of the entrepreneurial presentations I went to at the end of my degree, the first time I tried self employment.
chinchilla2020 2y ago
I did too. No longer. Video games tend to have a pre-built path. The real world has minimal feedback loops and millions of bad choices.

cpursley 2y ago

[flagged]

epolanski 2y ago

In Italy is now illegal to send your kids to school alone before they turn 14, it's now legally child abandonment. Even if the school is few hundreds meters from your house. I went to school alone since my second day of elementary school, in Japan kids cross Tokyo streets at the same age. I have given math lessons for two decades and during that timespan kids have changed a lot due to how much parents changed. It went quickly from "if he doesn't listen you slap him hard" to "how dares the teacher give him a bad grade". I have brought that topic with some people my age on a programming board and all fellow devs surprisingly told me they agreed, that it is child abandonment and streets are dangerous. I feel like such over protection makes for young adults that are absolutely unprepared for the harshness of real life.

graemep 2y ago
That is insane! I had taken my kids out of school by that age, but they would go to places alone much younger than that - depending on where we lived, the time of day etc.
- _zoltan_ 2y ago
  if you don't mind me asking, why take them out? did you homeschool them?
  - epolanski 2y ago
    Will never understand homeschooling, social (and even survival) skills are the most important to learn when young imho.
    - polymatter 2y ago
      And they can be learnt outside of school just as well. I'll never understand how readily people are to accept schooling.
      - bluGill 2y ago

pflenker 2y ago

> when it seems to me the whole point of scary stories is to provide a safe place for children to feel scared and learn what it takes overcome fear. That’s not the point of the original scary fairy tales. The point was to keep kids from danger by scaring them so much that they don’t expose themselves to said danger. The downside of this style of child raising , of course, is that kids are unable to realistically assess the danger and sometimes don’t shed their fears when they get older.

taberiand 2y ago
I suppose so, but I think from a modern parenting perspective scary stories should be used to teach resilience to fear.
cywick 2y ago
Yes, exactly. There is too much romanticizing of scary fairy tales as useful educational tools. It's important to remember that the pedagogical model behind these stories was the same that lead people to believe that harsh corporal punishment was a crucial component of successfully raising a child.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

hot_gril 2y ago

I agree for reading. The example of Cinderella's sisters chopping her feet isn't too much for a child to read about, but nobody wants to watch that in an animated film. There's also a point where books become unsuitable for children. "All Quiet on the Western Front" with its gruesome WWI details probably wouldn't have been a good idea before 5th grade, and it was a good thing we were older reading "Cupid and Psyche" in Latin where the main character gets r---d within the first 3 pages.