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He's not going to recognize the pattern on his own, no matter how obvious it is to you. You will do him a disservice if you don't pull him aside one day and say

He's not going to recognize the pattern on his own, no matter how obvious it is to you. You will do him a disservice if you don't pull him aside one day and say, hey I noticed you have a blind spot, and I need to point it out to you because it's going to be a limiter for your career unless you learn to deal with it.

michaelrpeskin 2y ago
Yeah, you're right. This is the non-technical part of being a leader that I really struggle with. I'm much more comfortable "leading by example" and modelling behaviors and much less comfortable with how to frame a discussion like this. Much of my company and field is full of nerds that are a bit outcast (including me). I hate the overuse of the term "bullying", but I'd say that most of the people I work with daily weren't the most loved kids in school. So I don't want to add "boss thinks I'm doing a bad job" anxiety on someone by telling them that they're not matching my expectations. And If I put myself back to being 3 years or so out of college, I was probably behaving the same way, and maybe time to figure it out is what he needs. My grad advisor was a real not nice guy, and even after all these years I still don't really like him. But he was what _I_ needed and my reaction to his pressure was to become a much better problem solver. I know I shouldn't act like him, but I haven't had many great role models in how to talk to someone about their performance. I want to him to get the message that "he's smart and I know he'll figure it out" and not the message that "he's a bad employee and that he needs to start worrying about being let go in this bad job market"
- darkerside 2y ago
  You're not alone. Hard conversations are a difficult skill, and not one most people learn or even think about as a skill. Check out radical candor. https://www.radicalcandor.com/blog/what-is-radical-candor/ https://www.radicalcandor.com/blog/what-is-radical-candor/ It gets a bad rap, but for me, it was a really useful way to think about giving people the messages they need to hear. Good luck! It's not easy, but it's key to leveling up as a professional, and I would argue, as a human being.

michaelrpeskin 2y ago

Yeah, you're right. This is the non-technical part of being a leader that I really struggle with. I'm much more comfortable "leading by example" and modelling behaviors and much less comfortable with how to frame a discussion like this. Much of my company and field is full of nerds that are a bit outcast (including me). I hate the overuse of the term "bullying", but I'd say that most of the people I work with daily weren't the most loved kids in school. So I don't want to add "boss thinks I'm doing a bad job" anxiety on someone by telling them that they're not matching my expectations. And If I put myself back to being 3 years or so out of college, I was probably behaving the same way, and maybe time to figure it out is what he needs. My grad advisor was a real not nice guy, and even after all these years I still don't really like him. But he was what _I_ needed and my reaction to his pressure was to become a much better problem solver. I know I shouldn't act like him, but I haven't had many great role models in how to talk to someone about their performance. I want to him to get the message that "he's smart and I know he'll figure it out" and not the message that "he's a bad employee and that he needs to start worrying about being let go in this bad job market"

darkerside 2y ago
You're not alone. Hard conversations are a difficult skill, and not one most people learn or even think about as a skill. Check out radical candor. https://www.radicalcandor.com/blog/what-is-radical-candor/ https://www.radicalcandor.com/blog/what-is-radical-candor/ It gets a bad rap, but for me, it was a really useful way to think about giving people the messages they need to hear. Good luck! It's not easy, but it's key to leveling up as a professional, and I would argue, as a human being.