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You might have missed the context of my response. GP said they get three meals a day at the office, and live 30 mins away. I assert that this is incompatible

You might have missed the context of my response. GP said they get three meals a day at the office, and live 30 mins away. I assert that this is incompatible with family, and with a social life centered around people who are not coworkers. I've lived that life! No judgement. Single, new city, growing company. It was great. But it was then, for me. It could not be now. My point is that, as a perq of RTO, those things could be compelling for a subset of employees only.

paulcole 2y ago
> GP said they get three meals a day at the office, and live 30 mins away. > I assert that this is incompatible with family If you're saying that you can't have a family and live 30 minutes away from the office then I understood you. And it's just not true lol.
- quesera 2y ago
  You might have missed the context of my response. I assert that you cannot eat three meals a day at the office which is 30 mins away from home, and still be a part of your family, yes lol.
  - paulcole 2y ago
    OK yeah I think that is wrong also.
    - jjav 2y ago
      > OK yeah I think that is wrong also. How are you eating breakfast and dinner with your kids if you eat three meals a day at the office?
      - paulcole 2y ago
        Yeah you’re right it’s completely impossible. No parent misses breakfast with their kids most days. Nobody’s ever sat with their kids and not eaten. Nobody’s ever had a little snack while somebody else ate a full meal.
- HDThoreaun 2y ago
  You can not eat every meal at work and also be a part of a functioning family.
  - paulcole 2y ago
    Weekends exist. You can eat a snack while your kids eat their meal. Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. Yes, if you’re taking this as a challenge to avoid your kids and eat literally every meal at work, yes having what most would consider a “normal” family life will be challenging. But the idea that it can’t be done is nuts. I didn’t say it was easy. But the idea that a 30-minute commute to a cushy tech job office that provides 3 meals a day is somehow incompatible with family life is a bananas take IMO.
    - HDThoreaun 2y ago
      > Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. These families are dysfunctional ime
    - quesera 2y ago
      > You can eat a snack while your kids eat their meal No, you can't, if you are not present at meal times. Kids don't eat when Dad gets home. Kids eat at normal times, and if Dad is eating three meals at the office, Kids eat without Dad. For several early years, they then go to bed shortly after eating, and so they do not see Dad at all that day. s/Dad/Mom/g or whatever, of course. > Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. Absent parents are not parenting. Providing maybe, and that's important, but not parenting. If the other parent is doing all the parenting work, it is almost certainly not happily so. And if the parenting work is done by hired help because both "parents" are working during all weekday hours of child wakefulness, then these people have made compromises that are not compatible with parenting. Some families have no other choices and that is unfortunate. But for those of us who do, if we choose to become parents at all, we should try to do a good job of it. > But the idea that a 30-minute commute to a cushy tech job office that provides 3 meals a day is somehow incompatible with family life is a bananas take IMO The job providing meals is fine. The employee eating three meals a day at work for extended periods, is incompatible with maintaining active participation in a family life. Being present is a big part of it, and you can't phone it in. Anecdotally, I've only ever seen three types of people who tried to consistently mix 12+ hour office work days and parenthood: people in bad marriages who were hiding from their family, selfishly-deluded wantrepreneur overachievers, and addicts. All hetero men obviously. Sometimes more than one trait in a single person, and leading to divorce in most cases, which I'll argue is not necessarily a bad thing since at least one partner didn't want to be present in the family anyway.

paulcole 2y ago

> GP said they get three meals a day at the office, and live 30 mins away. > I assert that this is incompatible with family If you're saying that you can't have a family and live 30 minutes away from the office then I understood you. And it's just not true lol.

quesera 2y ago
You might have missed the context of my response. I assert that you cannot eat three meals a day at the office which is 30 mins away from home, and still be a part of your family, yes lol.
- paulcole 2y ago
  OK yeah I think that is wrong also.
  - jjav 2y ago
    > OK yeah I think that is wrong also. How are you eating breakfast and dinner with your kids if you eat three meals a day at the office?
    - paulcole 2y ago
      Yeah you’re right it’s completely impossible. No parent misses breakfast with their kids most days. Nobody’s ever sat with their kids and not eaten. Nobody’s ever had a little snack while somebody else ate a full meal.
HDThoreaun 2y ago
You can not eat every meal at work and also be a part of a functioning family.
- paulcole 2y ago
  Weekends exist. You can eat a snack while your kids eat their meal. Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. Yes, if you’re taking this as a challenge to avoid your kids and eat literally every meal at work, yes having what most would consider a “normal” family life will be challenging. But the idea that it can’t be done is nuts. I didn’t say it was easy. But the idea that a 30-minute commute to a cushy tech job office that provides 3 meals a day is somehow incompatible with family life is a bananas take IMO.
  - HDThoreaun 2y ago
    > Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. These families are dysfunctional ime
  - quesera 2y ago
    > You can eat a snack while your kids eat their meal No, you can't, if you are not present at meal times. Kids don't eat when Dad gets home. Kids eat at normal times, and if Dad is eating three meals at the office, Kids eat without Dad. For several early years, they then go to bed shortly after eating, and so they do not see Dad at all that day. s/Dad/Mom/g or whatever, of course. > Plenty of parents leave for work before breakfast and get home after dinner. Absent parents are not parenting. Providing maybe, and that's important, but not parenting. If the other parent is doing all the parenting work, it is almost certainly not happily so. And if the parenting work is done by hired help because both "parents" are working during all weekday hours of child wakefulness, then these people have made compromises that are not compatible with parenting. Some families have no other choices and that is unfortunate. But for those of us who do, if we choose to become parents at all, we should try to do a good job of it. > But the idea that a 30-minute commute to a cushy tech job office that provides 3 meals a day is somehow incompatible with family life is a bananas take IMO The job providing meals is fine. The employee eating three meals a day at work for extended periods, is incompatible with maintaining active participation in a family life. Being present is a big part of it, and you can't phone it in. Anecdotally, I've only ever seen three types of people who tried to consistently mix 12+ hour office work days and parenthood: people in bad marriages who were hiding from their family, selfishly-deluded wantrepreneur overachievers, and addicts. All hetero men obviously. Sometimes more than one trait in a single person, and leading to divorce in most cases, which I'll argue is not necessarily a bad thing since at least one partner didn't want to be present in the family anyway.