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I identify by the things I love and excel at. If being an artist is a big chunk of who you are, it can hurt your ego to meet q much better artist who is also go

by nicbou 2y ago

I identify by the things I love and excel at. If being an artist is a big chunk of who you are, it can hurt your ego to meet q much better artist who is also good at many other things. Imagine playing the bongos, and you meet some guy who plays it really well… and it’s Richard Feynman.

stavros 2y ago
The reason why I can't relate to this much is that I play the bongos not to be the best bongo player, but because I like playing the bongos. I know that, for some people, the motivator is "being admired at X", but that's not what drives me, I usually just like doing X. Sometimes, I get good at it. Other times (like with tennis), I keep sucking, but I still like the process.
EricMausler 2y ago
I cant help but chime in here because I used to feel this way and all the typical advice never felt right (ie that you shouldn't care how good you are at things) Very quickly I will list the 3 main points that have helped me the most 1) the things you care to try to excel at is a statement about things worth excelling at and actual skill is often a minor detail. It's okay to identify with where the effort goes and how much you give rather than the result of it. In this way it is like voting, and there is no best person at voting. You identify with the tribe, not your ability 2) when being competitive does actually matter, the best in the world cannot be everywhere at once, so there is actually a lot of meaning behind being the best locally at something. Or even just not the worst locally. Identity is irrelevant on this one, but it does require you care and are self aware about how good you actually are at things. 3) how you relate to others is also a big part of identity. being in the middle of the pack on most things makes you much more relatable than being best. For some person who is better than you at everything, are you able to deeply connect with them or do you get distracted by comparison thoughts, insecurity, or ideas to use them for something self-serving? If not you, still how often in their life do you think that happens for them with others?

by nicbou 2y ago

stavros 2y ago

The reason why I can't relate to this much is that I play the bongos not to be the best bongo player, but because I like playing the bongos. I know that, for some people, the motivator is "being admired at X", but that's not what drives me, I usually just like doing X. Sometimes, I get good at it. Other times (like with tennis), I keep sucking, but I still like the process.

EricMausler 2y ago

I cant help but chime in here because I used to feel this way and all the typical advice never felt right (ie that you shouldn't care how good you are at things) Very quickly I will list the 3 main points that have helped me the most 1) the things you care to try to excel at is a statement about things worth excelling at and actual skill is often a minor detail. It's okay to identify with where the effort goes and how much you give rather than the result of it. In this way it is like voting, and there is no best person at voting. You identify with the tribe, not your ability 2) when being competitive does actually matter, the best in the world cannot be everywhere at once, so there is actually a lot of meaning behind being the best locally at something. Or even just not the worst locally. Identity is irrelevant on this one, but it does require you care and are self aware about how good you actually are at things. 3) how you relate to others is also a big part of identity. being in the middle of the pack on most things makes you much more relatable than being best. For some person who is better than you at everything, are you able to deeply connect with them or do you get distracted by comparison thoughts, insecurity, or ideas to use them for something self-serving? If not you, still how often in their life do you think that happens for them with others?