4 ms·

I dread 1:1s with my manager. I simply do not have that much to say that I do not already say in group meetings or other channels. I find myself racking my brai

I dread 1:1s with my manager. I simply do not have that much to say that I do not already say in group meetings or other channels. I find myself racking my brain to come up with agenda items to fill the time and save face. Sometimes private conversations are necessary, but as a once in a while sort of thing, not on a biweekly cadence.

ToucanLoucan 2y ago
> I dread 1:1s with my manager. I simply do not have that much to say that I do not already say in group meetings or other channels. I find myself racking my brain to come up with agenda items to fill the time and save face. .... why? My 1-on-1's very rarely go beyond 10 minutes or so specifically because there usually isn't much to discuss, and even then we mostly just jump over some answers to simple questions, then end up bullshitting about whatever else is going on with life at the moment.
- bigyikes 2y ago
  Ah interesting, how do they usually conclude for you? My 1:1s never end early and it feels like we keep on bullshitting for longer than either of us want or need.
  - ToucanLoucan 2y ago
    > Ah interesting, how do they usually conclude for you? I let them know I don't have anything else, ask an open-ended anything on your mind type question, then we call it and get back to work.
rrr_oh_man 2y ago
This is a perspective I have honestly never heard before. Would you care to elaborate? I‘d really love to understand your POV better. Maybe I have a blind spot somewhere. Background: I’ve always done them weekly (as biweekly seems to be worse than monthly — which in turn is arguably much worse than weekly). And they seemed to work quite well.. Basically 10-30min of chit-chat and catchup for relationship building.
- bigyikes 2y ago
  I’m intensely introverted, so that likely colors my perspective. I am curious what “relationship building” looks like to you in a business context. I somewhat enjoyed 1:1s with a previous manager of mine. I did feel we built a good relationship, even if we didn’t have important business to discuss all the time. Eventually the manager left the company and now I’m left wondering what the point of all of it was… It was never a real relationship, it was a business transaction all along. And if it’s a business transaction, then I just don’t care. I’d rather spend the time doing something that advances myself or the business. I just don’t get much value from meeting with my manager. The 30 minutes spent doesn’t feel like it has good ROI. Am I too cynical?
  - stack_framer 2y ago
    > Am I too cynical? Not at all. I feel exactly the same way. I'm also introverted, and to me "relationship building" in a corporate context often feels really contrived. I want to bring as much value as possible to my employer, and I don't feel like I generate value by having 1:1s for the sake of having 1:1s. I jump through the hoop though, because I want a promotion and I'm concerned that I won't get one if I don't fit the norm.
    - tmottabr 2y ago
      1:1 should be the moment for you to discuss with your boss what you should be doing to maximize the value you bring to the company.. those things often are not as black and white as they seen.. it is also the moment you share your career goals with your manager and for you two to discuss the goals you should achieve to be eligible for a promotion.. unfortunately more often then not promotions are the carrot that companies dangle in front of us to make us work harder with no intention on ever giving us the reward at the end..
  - darthrupert 2y ago
    Building those relationships does help the business, even if they are temporary. Some (perhaps most) people need the social aspect to function.
anthony_d 2y ago
I can definitely relate to that but I also appreciate having a set time on the calendar where I know my manager is available. Where I work a manager’s calendar is always full, literally meetings back to back from 8a to 5p. I’ve always scheduled 1 on 1’s with my team and I know it’s appreciated by some and I suspect dreaded by others. Are you not comfortable messaging your manager in advance to say you don’t have anything? I’m being selfish here… how do I make people comfortable saying they don’t need to meet?
- bigyikes 2y ago
  Yeah maybe I should just say I don’t need to meet. Doing so feels like a faux pa or a failing of my duties somehow. Maybe it’s just in my head.
  - whatevaa 2y ago
    We have weekly 1:1 and I just say that I have nothing to say oftenly. Depends on you manager, but there is nothing wrong with that. A week is not a long period of time.
nikolay 2y ago
I am in the same boat and often discuss work that shouldn't be done in a one-on-one meeting. Minimal babysitting is needed in an organization of mature people. Sometimes, sensitive topics need to be discussed, and an ad-hoc one-on-one could be arranged, but anything else is wasteful.
paulddraper 2y ago
A. hopefully your meetings (1:1) included are no longer than necessary. B. discuss your work, your projects, progress, possible threats
- mewpmewp2 2y ago
  B. that's already done during stand ups.
  - paulddraper 2y ago
    But with a different timescale and audience.

ToucanLoucan 2y ago

> I dread 1:1s with my manager. I simply do not have that much to say that I do not already say in group meetings or other channels. I find myself racking my brain to come up with agenda items to fill the time and save face. .... why? My 1-on-1's very rarely go beyond 10 minutes or so specifically because there usually isn't much to discuss, and even then we mostly just jump over some answers to simple questions, then end up bullshitting about whatever else is going on with life at the moment.

bigyikes 2y ago
Ah interesting, how do they usually conclude for you? My 1:1s never end early and it feels like we keep on bullshitting for longer than either of us want or need.
- ToucanLoucan 2y ago
  > Ah interesting, how do they usually conclude for you? I let them know I don't have anything else, ask an open-ended anything on your mind type question, then we call it and get back to work.

rrr_oh_man 2y ago

This is a perspective I have honestly never heard before. Would you care to elaborate? I‘d really love to understand your POV better. Maybe I have a blind spot somewhere. Background: I’ve always done them weekly (as biweekly seems to be worse than monthly — which in turn is arguably much worse than weekly). And they seemed to work quite well.. Basically 10-30min of chit-chat and catchup for relationship building.

bigyikes 2y ago
I’m intensely introverted, so that likely colors my perspective. I am curious what “relationship building” looks like to you in a business context. I somewhat enjoyed 1:1s with a previous manager of mine. I did feel we built a good relationship, even if we didn’t have important business to discuss all the time. Eventually the manager left the company and now I’m left wondering what the point of all of it was… It was never a real relationship, it was a business transaction all along. And if it’s a business transaction, then I just don’t care. I’d rather spend the time doing something that advances myself or the business. I just don’t get much value from meeting with my manager. The 30 minutes spent doesn’t feel like it has good ROI. Am I too cynical?
- stack_framer 2y ago
  > Am I too cynical? Not at all. I feel exactly the same way. I'm also introverted, and to me "relationship building" in a corporate context often feels really contrived. I want to bring as much value as possible to my employer, and I don't feel like I generate value by having 1:1s for the sake of having 1:1s. I jump through the hoop though, because I want a promotion and I'm concerned that I won't get one if I don't fit the norm.
  - tmottabr 2y ago
    1:1 should be the moment for you to discuss with your boss what you should be doing to maximize the value you bring to the company.. those things often are not as black and white as they seen.. it is also the moment you share your career goals with your manager and for you two to discuss the goals you should achieve to be eligible for a promotion.. unfortunately more often then not promotions are the carrot that companies dangle in front of us to make us work harder with no intention on ever giving us the reward at the end..
- darthrupert 2y ago
  Building those relationships does help the business, even if they are temporary. Some (perhaps most) people need the social aspect to function.

anthony_d 2y ago

I can definitely relate to that but I also appreciate having a set time on the calendar where I know my manager is available. Where I work a manager’s calendar is always full, literally meetings back to back from 8a to 5p. I’ve always scheduled 1 on 1’s with my team and I know it’s appreciated by some and I suspect dreaded by others. Are you not comfortable messaging your manager in advance to say you don’t have anything? I’m being selfish here… how do I make people comfortable saying they don’t need to meet?

bigyikes 2y ago
Yeah maybe I should just say I don’t need to meet. Doing so feels like a faux pa or a failing of my duties somehow. Maybe it’s just in my head.
- whatevaa 2y ago
  We have weekly 1:1 and I just say that I have nothing to say oftenly. Depends on you manager, but there is nothing wrong with that. A week is not a long period of time.

nikolay 2y ago

I am in the same boat and often discuss work that shouldn't be done in a one-on-one meeting. Minimal babysitting is needed in an organization of mature people. Sometimes, sensitive topics need to be discussed, and an ad-hoc one-on-one could be arranged, but anything else is wasteful.

paulddraper 2y ago

A. hopefully your meetings (1:1) included are no longer than necessary. B. discuss your work, your projects, progress, possible threats

mewpmewp2 2y ago
B. that's already done during stand ups.
- paulddraper 2y ago
  But with a different timescale and audience.