I can't share personal experiences since I've always hated the idea of dating apps/sites with a passion. Social media in general but that's a different story. B

I can't share personal experiences since I've always hated the idea of dating apps/sites with a passion. Social media in general but that's a different story. But a lot of people around me have and I have discussed it with many of them. There are a few not-so-obvious shortcomings in dating apps: From a business perspective, they make a ton of sense. And I'm sure the people behind them have made thousands of experiments while developing them but I feel like(just like anyone I've spoken to), they never managed to simulate what would happen at scale and most importantly they can't fully simulate human behavior. At large, us men are very used to hearing "no" from a very early age. Which has one of two effects: those that excel in some areas are more likely to keep trying even when they fail. Those who seem to be on the back foot in most areas become the outcasts but strangely it looks as if that yields some results for them in the dating apps. But there is a group in the middle that are the real losers in this(and likely the vast majority). For women it's kind of different: they are the more likely ones to say "no" to a man, even if they feel some attraction - "there's always another one". Which is not to say that I don't know instances where this philosophy has massively backfired but what can you do. The truth is, dating apps are very appealing to those with low self-esteem and bad social skills: at a glance they provide some form of protection, which is unfortunately not true. Dating apps, just like real dating is a numbers game and all they do is digitalize social anxiety and insecurities. If anything, they probably make it worse: people can hide to a degree things that they are insecure about: height, high pitched voice or whatever. But sooner or later that has to materialize and the blow often is much bigger than having to go through it out of the gate. Here's a real life example with a former colleague of mine: finding a partner was his sole purpose in life. Really nice guy, very educated, great sense of humor but, as I said in the previous paragraph, kinda short and a really squeaky voice. The good news is that he made it and is now married and has a son. Great. But he spent ungodly amount of time on dating apps and spent thousands of bucks on them-like literally in the 5-digit realm. Kudos for being this persistent - I honestly don't think I know anyone that has gone through as much effort as he has - the process spanned over a period of 5 years. The truth is he was actively being exploited by dating apps and while he was aware of it, he saw it as his only chance. Personally I did not understand his urge and not because I had a partner or a family - I still don't in my dead-center mid 30's: my philosophy on that topic is literally "meh, whatever". But seeing this guy struggle so much, it honestly was heart breaking. On the other end of the scale, I know women that scroll through tinder endlessly, nope-ing out of everyone they see and the second they tap yes on someone they are are even vaguely interested in, it's an instant match. It kind of looks like playing age of empires with the ac cobra cheat always on: it is fun the first three or four times but it gets boring fast. But remember when I said that women are not used to hearing "no"? Well I was having a coffee with her a while back and she said that at some point she really wanted to ask me out. I laughed and asked her why she didn't: "You are a very strange breed: most men will say yes instantly because it's an easy shortcut. You are not most and you wouldn't even bat an eyelash while telling me to take a hike in my face. That thought was absolutely terrifying". Those wouldn't have been my words of choice but she definitely had the right idea. But the fact that a woman that has a magnitude of good qualities and is way more attractive than I am is terrified of getting rejected speaks volumes. In reality men have to go through a lot of effort to get any results at all with dating apps. Women... Well they simply need to be on them.