5 ms·

Women are the big winner of dating apps: thousands upon thousands of men at disposal without to have to put any effort into finding a partner. That rose their s

by gwervc 2y ago

Women are the big winner of dating apps: thousands upon thousands of men at disposal without to have to put any effort into finding a partner. That rose their standards like nothing before and caused (at least in my country) a culture shift against starting conversations IRL. On the other hand, it's harder than ever for random guys (like me) to pick the interest of Western women even IRL, to the point I'm not trying anymore. Despite women being clear winners and most men clear losers of dating apps, notice how the title of the article is only about women supposed suffering. In a way it's a good metaphor of the dating market: women always demanding more and men just have to suffer and shut the fuck up.

ramesh31 2y ago
>men just have to suffer and shut the fuck up. Welcome to being a man.
- jelliclesfarm 2y ago
  Maybe consider that women are picky and the mediocre fruits get unpicked.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
  - M95D 2y ago
    Maybe consider that mediocre women (yes, there is such a thing!) will have to lower their standards or grow old alone. Apps won't reveal to them this predicament they're in.
paulddraper 2y ago
Winners only in the short-term sense. Short-term validation, but have uncommitted relationships, which arguably harms women most.
8f2ab37a-ed6c 2y ago
A more charitable read is that women are the product that these apps are selling, and men are the paying customers who want access to this gated marketplace. It's reminiscent of how clubs will let women in for free, because without them the spendy men, willing to impress the ladies with bottomless overpriced champagne, will not bother coming inc, and the club ends up making no money.
- tdullien 2y ago
  This is the right way to look at it.
nvy 2y ago
The risk-reward calculation for women is dramatically different than for men. For men, risk: not get laid, deal with rejection. reward: get laid, possibly meet soul mate For women, risk: person you matched with rapes and murders you. reward: get laid, possibly meet soul mate And before anyone tries to rebut this with the tired argument of "sometimes women commit murder" yeah that's true but exceedingly rare. The overwhelming number of violent crimes are committed by men.
- silverquiet 2y ago
  Funny (not really) - you are obviously correct about the statistics, but the only person I know who was murdered by a partner was a man.
- dotancohen 2y ago
  Went is it considered socially acceptable to point out the differences between men and women when the men are portrayed in a more negative fashion, but not when the women are portrayed in a more negative fashion? I see this as well with attributing certain cultural behaviors to certain races - a one-way street. Why?
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
  - nvy 2y ago
    >but not when the women are portrayed in a more negative fashion? Could it be because for centuries we ran the world and told women they were inferior, didn't let them vote, didn't let them drive, didn't let them have financial autonomy, etc.? Could it be that, generally, men have things pretty good today and in many ways women still have not caught up? Could it be that you need to tread a pretty fine line if you want to make humor by poking fun at half the population who were systematically oppressed for the last I-don't-know-how-many years? One wonders.
    - dotancohen 2y ago
      [flagged]
godelski 2y ago
> Women are the big winner of dating apps I think this is wrong. Both genders are dying from dehydration; just one is dying of thirst in the desert and the other is in the ocean. The person in the desert might envy the person in the ocean but that doesn't change the fact that neither have drinkable water.
- justinko 2y ago
  Incredible analogy.
- Rinzler89 2y ago
  Unbelievable. This "dying in sand is just like dying in water" meme is a bad analogy and people should use their brains for a second before parroting it in the dating context. Just because it sounds like an ancient wisdom proverb doesn't mean it fits in this context. Having an oversupply of (even mediocre) potential partners is way better than a chronic shortage of potential partners. Would you also tell the chronically unemployed person that you being flooded with job offers all day you can't keep track of, means you're dying just like him, but in water instead of sand? No, you're not dying, you're just overwhelmed with supply, which is still better than having zero supply.
  - healsdata 2y ago
    Maybe you didn't realize this, but the "dying in the ocean" is analogy is because ocean water isn't drinkable. So while, on the surface, it seems great to be surrounded by water when you're thirsty, it doesn't help if that water isn't drinkable. That's the exact problem this article discusses for women -- being surrounded by "un-dateable" men. It's why moderation tools are mentioned repeatedly in the article.
    - Rinzler89 2y ago
      Yes, i know ocean water is undrinkable but the analogy is still incredibly stupid since you can't tell me with a straight face that absolutely all men on dating platforms are undatable(the undrinkable ocean water). It's more accurate that women on dating apps are far too picky and have far higher standards online (it's been well documented by percentile of sipes) and therefore in their eyes see most men as undatable even if that's not the case (someone might not have the most exciting or handsome profile but he could still be a fun date or a great dad and yet never get any dates). But women being too picky online is a completely different issue to not being any datable men out there, which can't be true, and the fact still stands that they have the oversupply which lets them be choosy, which is still better than men having an undersupply issue which is the life of men online dating. So the more accurate "water analogy" would be that online dating women are surrounded by loads of drinkable water but they refuse to drink it because most of it is average tap water which they see as undrinkable, as they all go online looking for the VOSS/Evian water which is indeed in short supply not just online but also IRL, except IRL they're more aware of it and mostly go online looking to find what they don't have IRL.
TeaDrunk 2y ago
Do you actually talk to women about dating apps? I have, and they basically have to walk around variously unhinged, landmine men who are still in the dating pool (the good ones are obviously snatched up quickly). I'm talking demeaning language, fetishization (especially if you're black or asian or latina), the "hey" followed by "you fat bitch" if you don't respond fast enough, etc. Also if you're a fat woman your dating chances suuuuuck.
Spooky23 2y ago
Not really. The illusion of choice is designed to keep you sticky and anxious. It’s pretty obvious - when you match, you’re off the app. Most of these systems have to approached in a calculated way. Walking away is always the best technique. Men get boosted briefly when they pay. You attempt to match 8-10, and wait no more than a week then cancel the sub. If no luck, wait 4-6 weeks and wash, rinse, repeat. Most dudes are dumb. They match everyone and have no plan. Women look at the first few, then compulsively swipe for snarky entertainment. It works out to be a compulsive behavior most of the time. I’ve had success 3/3 times with doing this, including my late wife of 20 years. Probably spent less than 5 hours working the app each time.
BurningFrog 2y ago
As someone old enough to know: Hot women had NO problems finding men before dating apps. They've won some convenience, sure. But I doubt it has improved their chances in what they, on average, value far more: Finding a lifelong partner to raise a family with.
healsdata 2y ago
Why even comment on an article if you're not going to read beyond the headline? The entire article is written from the perspective of the app companies and how they're trying to gain market share with women. The article says "Significant gender skew means it is harder for men to find matches..." Therefore, increasing the number of women who use the app would make it easier for men to find matches. From all sides, it's a shame that the behavior of some men have caused women to shy away or leave these apps. It creates a negative cycle that impacts sincere daters of all genders. Throwing stones at women for not wanting to be harassed, stalked, etc. isn't going to solve the problem.
- gwervc 2y ago
  > Why even comment on an article if you're not going to read beyond the headline? I skimmed the article: it's not interesting, basically whining about dick pics or something. > From all sides, it's a shale that the behavior of some len Yeah yeah, men bad, women amazing, we know the song.
leetcrew 2y ago
it's an article about young women... it's not like plenty of ink isn't spilled elsewhere on how awful the app experience is as a straight man. it is interesting to note that, despite being the "clear winners", dating apps have a hard time attracting and retaining straight female users.

by gwervc 2y ago

ramesh31 2y ago

>men just have to suffer and shut the fuck up. Welcome to being a man.

jelliclesfarm 2y ago
Maybe consider that women are picky and the mediocre fruits get unpicked.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- M95D 2y ago
  Maybe consider that mediocre women (yes, there is such a thing!) will have to lower their standards or grow old alone. Apps won't reveal to them this predicament they're in.

paulddraper 2y ago

Winners only in the short-term sense. Short-term validation, but have uncommitted relationships, which arguably harms women most.

8f2ab37a-ed6c 2y ago

A more charitable read is that women are the product that these apps are selling, and men are the paying customers who want access to this gated marketplace. It's reminiscent of how clubs will let women in for free, because without them the spendy men, willing to impress the ladies with bottomless overpriced champagne, will not bother coming inc, and the club ends up making no money.

tdullien 2y ago
This is the right way to look at it.

nvy 2y ago

The risk-reward calculation for women is dramatically different than for men. For men, risk: not get laid, deal with rejection. reward: get laid, possibly meet soul mate For women, risk: person you matched with rapes and murders you. reward: get laid, possibly meet soul mate And before anyone tries to rebut this with the tired argument of "sometimes women commit murder" yeah that's true but exceedingly rare. The overwhelming number of violent crimes are committed by men.

silverquiet 2y ago
Funny (not really) - you are obviously correct about the statistics, but the only person I know who was murdered by a partner was a man.
dotancohen 2y ago
Went is it considered socially acceptable to point out the differences between men and women when the men are portrayed in a more negative fashion, but not when the women are portrayed in a more negative fashion? I see this as well with attributing certain cultural behaviors to certain races - a one-way street. Why?
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- nvy 2y ago
  >but not when the women are portrayed in a more negative fashion? Could it be because for centuries we ran the world and told women they were inferior, didn't let them vote, didn't let them drive, didn't let them have financial autonomy, etc.? Could it be that, generally, men have things pretty good today and in many ways women still have not caught up? Could it be that you need to tread a pretty fine line if you want to make humor by poking fun at half the population who were systematically oppressed for the last I-don't-know-how-many years? One wonders.
  - dotancohen 2y ago
    [flagged]

godelski 2y ago

> Women are the big winner of dating apps I think this is wrong. Both genders are dying from dehydration; just one is dying of thirst in the desert and the other is in the ocean. The person in the desert might envy the person in the ocean but that doesn't change the fact that neither have drinkable water.

justinko 2y ago
Incredible analogy.
Rinzler89 2y ago
Unbelievable. This "dying in sand is just like dying in water" meme is a bad analogy and people should use their brains for a second before parroting it in the dating context. Just because it sounds like an ancient wisdom proverb doesn't mean it fits in this context. Having an oversupply of (even mediocre) potential partners is way better than a chronic shortage of potential partners. Would you also tell the chronically unemployed person that you being flooded with job offers all day you can't keep track of, means you're dying just like him, but in water instead of sand? No, you're not dying, you're just overwhelmed with supply, which is still better than having zero supply.
- healsdata 2y ago
  Maybe you didn't realize this, but the "dying in the ocean" is analogy is because ocean water isn't drinkable. So while, on the surface, it seems great to be surrounded by water when you're thirsty, it doesn't help if that water isn't drinkable. That's the exact problem this article discusses for women -- being surrounded by "un-dateable" men. It's why moderation tools are mentioned repeatedly in the article.
  - Rinzler89 2y ago
    Yes, i know ocean water is undrinkable but the analogy is still incredibly stupid since you can't tell me with a straight face that absolutely all men on dating platforms are undatable(the undrinkable ocean water). It's more accurate that women on dating apps are far too picky and have far higher standards online (it's been well documented by percentile of sipes) and therefore in their eyes see most men as undatable even if that's not the case (someone might not have the most exciting or handsome profile but he could still be a fun date or a great dad and yet never get any dates). But women being too picky online is a completely different issue to not being any datable men out there, which can't be true, and the fact still stands that they have the oversupply which lets them be choosy, which is still better than men having an undersupply issue which is the life of men online dating. So the more accurate "water analogy" would be that online dating women are surrounded by loads of drinkable water but they refuse to drink it because most of it is average tap water which they see as undrinkable, as they all go online looking for the VOSS/Evian water which is indeed in short supply not just online but also IRL, except IRL they're more aware of it and mostly go online looking to find what they don't have IRL.

TeaDrunk 2y ago

Do you actually talk to women about dating apps? I have, and they basically have to walk around variously unhinged, landmine men who are still in the dating pool (the good ones are obviously snatched up quickly). I'm talking demeaning language, fetishization (especially if you're black or asian or latina), the "hey" followed by "you fat bitch" if you don't respond fast enough, etc. Also if you're a fat woman your dating chances suuuuuck.

Spooky23 2y ago

Not really. The illusion of choice is designed to keep you sticky and anxious. It’s pretty obvious - when you match, you’re off the app. Most of these systems have to approached in a calculated way. Walking away is always the best technique. Men get boosted briefly when they pay. You attempt to match 8-10, and wait no more than a week then cancel the sub. If no luck, wait 4-6 weeks and wash, rinse, repeat. Most dudes are dumb. They match everyone and have no plan. Women look at the first few, then compulsively swipe for snarky entertainment. It works out to be a compulsive behavior most of the time. I’ve had success 3/3 times with doing this, including my late wife of 20 years. Probably spent less than 5 hours working the app each time.

BurningFrog 2y ago

As someone old enough to know: Hot women had NO problems finding men before dating apps. They've won some convenience, sure. But I doubt it has improved their chances in what they, on average, value far more: Finding a lifelong partner to raise a family with.

healsdata 2y ago

Why even comment on an article if you're not going to read beyond the headline? The entire article is written from the perspective of the app companies and how they're trying to gain market share with women. The article says "Significant gender skew means it is harder for men to find matches..." Therefore, increasing the number of women who use the app would make it easier for men to find matches. From all sides, it's a shame that the behavior of some men have caused women to shy away or leave these apps. It creates a negative cycle that impacts sincere daters of all genders. Throwing stones at women for not wanting to be harassed, stalked, etc. isn't going to solve the problem.

gwervc 2y ago
> Why even comment on an article if you're not going to read beyond the headline? I skimmed the article: it's not interesting, basically whining about dick pics or something. > From all sides, it's a shale that the behavior of some len Yeah yeah, men bad, women amazing, we know the song.

leetcrew 2y ago

it's an article about young women... it's not like plenty of ink isn't spilled elsewhere on how awful the app experience is as a straight man. it is interesting to note that, despite being the "clear winners", dating apps have a hard time attracting and retaining straight female users.