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I don't get very angry generally, but this is something that I consider a mild fault. There are some things and situations where the appropriate thing is to be

I don't get very angry generally, but this is something that I consider a mild fault. There are some things and situations where the appropriate thing is to be angry (injustice, harming innocents, etc). Of course, many people let their anger push them to behave badly, but the anger itself can be appropriate and can even help you take actions that need to be taken. From the Christian tradition, Psalms 4:4 is sometimes translated "In your anger, do not sin". Anger by itself is not necessarily sin, but what people do with their anger often is.

mrweasel 2y ago
Anger doesn't really come natural to me, so I get very confused when others fail to control their anger. I do get frustrated, which seems different to me. That is something I can now easily deal with, after learning about children and emotion. Most of the time it's down to "broken cookie syndrome", i.e. children breaking down in tears do to a cookie breaking in half. It's rarely about the cookie, it's something else and the cookie is just the straw that broke the camels back. Always thinking "broken cookie" when frustrations bubble up makes it a lot easier to not lash out at people around you and instead address the underlying issues.
bowsamic 2y ago
I totally agree. My therapist taught me that sometimes we need to be angry, or at least seem angry, when someone does something wrong, an injustice as you point out. I’m not sure why people have come to the conclusion that certain emotions must be entirely avoided
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- naasking 2y ago
  > I’m not sure why people have come to the conclusion that certain emotions must be entirely avoided I don't think "avoided" is the right term for these teachings, but the emotion itself is generally not fruitful, particularly since it urges you to dwell on it. Injustice should be addressed because it's unjust, not because you're angry at the injustice. What does the anger add to the equation? Maybe motivation? Maybe it's important to explore why the injustice by itself is not sufficiently motivating.
  - josephg 2y ago
    > What does the anger add to the equation? Maybe motivation? Anger draws attention toward what’s important - for both ourselves and others. It says “hey! Something isn’t right here, and letting it slide wouldn’t feel right!”. It is a constant voice reminding you what you love and what you would sacrifice for that love. There’s a lot of talk in certain communities about boundary setting. But I see boundaries as a natural part of the domain of anger. Boundaries are only hard to set if you either don’t hear your own anger internally, or don’t let that anger be expressed into the world.
    - naasking 2y ago
      It sounds like you're saying people need anger when they haven't spent time reflecting on what's important in life. If you already know what's important because you've done that reflection, of what use is the anger?
      - josephg 2y ago
        Is that a real thing, that people discover that they know everything there is to know about themselves and their desires, and they’re just “done”? I’m turning 40 soon, and I feel like I have more unanswered questions about myself with each passing year. It feels like life is constantly passing me new situations to navigate. My anger is often the first part of me to notice when I’m missing something important. Even if you know what matters to you, anger can still be a wonderful tool to communicate your desires and intentions to others. If a homeless person starts creeping on to my partner in the street, I’d almost certainly reach for anger when I tell them that they need to cut that out. It’s a powerful, direct way to speak straight from my lizard brain to theirs. Seems ridiculous to take that tool out of your toolbox.
  - mrbgty 2y ago
    As with most things in life, there's an appropriate balance somewhere. People tend to say anger = bad because we have mostly experienced inappropriate anger on one extreme and have found that it isn't healthy for you.
- josephg 2y ago
  I agree. It feels very immature to me. Dogs seem to experience anger like we do, so anger must come from a common ancestor. That makes it older than humanity itself. I think it’s obvious evolution would have ditched it a long time ago if it wasn’t serving us in some deep and complex ways. And that feels right - whenever I feel angry, something I care about is being ignored. My anger clearly wants to protect and care for me and the people I love. Why would I banish it? Childish anger has an untamed destructive element. But the answer is to let anger grow and mature with the rest of your psyche. Not banish it and pretend it doesn’t exist. If you banish your anger, how could it possibly mature?
  - programjames 2y ago
    I think the purpose of anger is to weed out anti-social behaviors. If an animal is constantly bothering those in its pack, anger is a mechanism to punish them so their bothersome genes or memes don't propagate.

mrweasel 2y ago

Anger doesn't really come natural to me, so I get very confused when others fail to control their anger. I do get frustrated, which seems different to me. That is something I can now easily deal with, after learning about children and emotion. Most of the time it's down to "broken cookie syndrome", i.e. children breaking down in tears do to a cookie breaking in half. It's rarely about the cookie, it's something else and the cookie is just the straw that broke the camels back. Always thinking "broken cookie" when frustrations bubble up makes it a lot easier to not lash out at people around you and instead address the underlying issues.

bowsamic 2y ago

I totally agree. My therapist taught me that sometimes we need to be angry, or at least seem angry, when someone does something wrong, an injustice as you point out. I’m not sure why people have come to the conclusion that certain emotions must be entirely avoided

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
naasking 2y ago
> I’m not sure why people have come to the conclusion that certain emotions must be entirely avoided I don't think "avoided" is the right term for these teachings, but the emotion itself is generally not fruitful, particularly since it urges you to dwell on it. Injustice should be addressed because it's unjust, not because you're angry at the injustice. What does the anger add to the equation? Maybe motivation? Maybe it's important to explore why the injustice by itself is not sufficiently motivating.
- josephg 2y ago
  > What does the anger add to the equation? Maybe motivation? Anger draws attention toward what’s important - for both ourselves and others. It says “hey! Something isn’t right here, and letting it slide wouldn’t feel right!”. It is a constant voice reminding you what you love and what you would sacrifice for that love. There’s a lot of talk in certain communities about boundary setting. But I see boundaries as a natural part of the domain of anger. Boundaries are only hard to set if you either don’t hear your own anger internally, or don’t let that anger be expressed into the world.
  - naasking 2y ago
    It sounds like you're saying people need anger when they haven't spent time reflecting on what's important in life. If you already know what's important because you've done that reflection, of what use is the anger?
    - josephg 2y ago
      Is that a real thing, that people discover that they know everything there is to know about themselves and their desires, and they’re just “done”? I’m turning 40 soon, and I feel like I have more unanswered questions about myself with each passing year. It feels like life is constantly passing me new situations to navigate. My anger is often the first part of me to notice when I’m missing something important. Even if you know what matters to you, anger can still be a wonderful tool to communicate your desires and intentions to others. If a homeless person starts creeping on to my partner in the street, I’d almost certainly reach for anger when I tell them that they need to cut that out. It’s a powerful, direct way to speak straight from my lizard brain to theirs. Seems ridiculous to take that tool out of your toolbox.
- mrbgty 2y ago
  As with most things in life, there's an appropriate balance somewhere. People tend to say anger = bad because we have mostly experienced inappropriate anger on one extreme and have found that it isn't healthy for you.
josephg 2y ago
I agree. It feels very immature to me. Dogs seem to experience anger like we do, so anger must come from a common ancestor. That makes it older than humanity itself. I think it’s obvious evolution would have ditched it a long time ago if it wasn’t serving us in some deep and complex ways. And that feels right - whenever I feel angry, something I care about is being ignored. My anger clearly wants to protect and care for me and the people I love. Why would I banish it? Childish anger has an untamed destructive element. But the answer is to let anger grow and mature with the rest of your psyche. Not banish it and pretend it doesn’t exist. If you banish your anger, how could it possibly mature?
- programjames 2y ago
  I think the purpose of anger is to weed out anti-social behaviors. If an animal is constantly bothering those in its pack, anger is a mechanism to punish them so their bothersome genes or memes don't propagate.