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I lost my wife to cancer last year; she was 46. She was my best friend, lover, my son’s mom and one of the greatest people whom I’ve ever known. Q It is a surr

I lost my wife to cancer last year; she was 46. She was my best friend, lover, my son’s mom and one of the greatest people whom I’ve ever known. Q It is a surreal experience. For me it started as shock. I did not eat a meal for almost two months. Lots of people were around and I kept busy doing random things. Then people go away and the random tasks are done, and it’s quiet and strange. I chose to move forward, focusing on my son, fitness (I started running), we did a charity drive in her honor, and we focused on being more social. I have a boy to take care of and responsibilities to be met - but I think this transition is where many grieving people fall into trouble. I’ve lost my dad and my grandmother, both of whom I was very close to. But this hit different. This column, “No Love is Ever Wasted”, captured my feelings well in a unique way. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/10/style/modern-love-no-love-is-ever-wasted.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/10/style/modern-love-no-love...

testfoobar 2y ago
I am sorry for your loss.
ckmktua 2y ago
Condolences
magicalhippo 2y ago
Sorry to hear. I lost my dad over a decade ago which I was close too, and a couple of years later broke up with my SO which I'd been with for well over a decade at that point. While nowhere close to your experience, that weird emptyness sounded very familiar. Coming home from work, eating dinner alone and then just "ok, now what?". Suddenly the days seemed to have so many more hours to fill. And that feeling when you had some fun or nice experience and you just want to share and pick up the phone only to go "oh... right". I still get that with my dad, and it still hits hard.
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adamredwoods 2y ago
I'm sorry you had to live through that. I wish we could stop cancer. I sometimes feel we're so close, then other times so far away.
- Spooky23 2y ago
  Thank you. Her take on it was that she had hope and a chance with metastatic melanoma because she was standing on the shoulders of those before her. Basically, she had a 60/40 chance of 5 year survival. 10 years ago, it was zero. Now, there’s a variety of new treatments in trial that will make the chances for future patients much better… there’s a customized Moderna vaccine and other immunotherapies on the horizon. It’s cruel and it sucks but there was hope.

testfoobar 2y ago

I am sorry for your loss.

ckmktua 2y ago

Condolences

magicalhippo 2y ago

Sorry to hear. I lost my dad over a decade ago which I was close too, and a couple of years later broke up with my SO which I'd been with for well over a decade at that point. While nowhere close to your experience, that weird emptyness sounded very familiar. Coming home from work, eating dinner alone and then just "ok, now what?". Suddenly the days seemed to have so many more hours to fill. And that feeling when you had some fun or nice experience and you just want to share and pick up the phone only to go "oh... right". I still get that with my dad, and it still hits hard.

deleted 2y ago
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adamredwoods 2y ago

I'm sorry you had to live through that. I wish we could stop cancer. I sometimes feel we're so close, then other times so far away.

Spooky23 2y ago
Thank you. Her take on it was that she had hope and a chance with metastatic melanoma because she was standing on the shoulders of those before her. Basically, she had a 60/40 chance of 5 year survival. 10 years ago, it was zero. Now, there’s a variety of new treatments in trial that will make the chances for future patients much better… there’s a customized Moderna vaccine and other immunotherapies on the horizon. It’s cruel and it sucks but there was hope.