Nb PHP is already really fast. Some major things built on it are slow, mostly due to things like poor data access patterns or architecture, but its culture sinc

Nb PHP is already really fast. Some major things built on it are slow, mostly due to things like poor data access patterns or architecture, but its culture since the beginning has basically been “get out of PHP and into C as fast as possible” and it shows (this is basically the trick to any scripting language “being fast”, PHP just embraced it hard from the very beginning). If you’re on PHP and need more speed in the language itself, basically every other scripting language (yes, including Node) is off the table immediately. Lateral move at best. (All that to say, yeah, I entirely expected that the headline would lead to an article about making PHP slower)