4 ms·

As a new parent of 4-month-old, I've been thinking about this topic a lot. (I know I have a few years to prepare). Where I'm torn is that I had access to techn

by nlh 2y ago

As a new parent of 4-month-old, I've been thinking about this topic a lot. (I know I have a few years to prepare). Where I'm torn is that I had access to technology early in life and in many ways it shaped who I am today for the better. I had a TI99 at age 4(ish), a C64 soon thereafter, and away I went. I'm a tech guy because of that, and being a tech guy has brought me a ton of opportunity in life. So I want my daughter to have early, positive, deep exposure to tech in the way I did (where she chooses to take that is up to her). But I don't want her to be a screen-addicted drool. The conclusion amongst friends we've come to is that screens are not inherently the problem -- even video games are not really the problem. The problem is Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. I cannot think of a single positive benefit they offer to kids (or most adults really, with some narrow exceptions). I'll keep her away from them as long as humanly possible, and when not possible, I'll teach her how to use them responsibly (like sugar -- you can't avoid it, but you can manage it.) I hope?

sircastor 2y ago
I don’t think it’s exclusively social (which surely is its own kind of poison). My kid mostly consumes video from our local Plex, or paints on the iPad, and it does something to his brain. Throws him off for the rest of the day. It’s gotten to the point where I am trying to keep him off it altogether because he seems to manage so much better. I also want my kid to be exposed to tech. And in a way that’s not purely consumptive. I wonder if there’s going to be something he can get in at the ground floor on that can provide the edge early computing did for me.
- nlh 2y ago
  Thanks for sharing the experiences. I'm fascinated to hear that painting on the iPad has the same (negative) affects as watching videos from Plex -- it's surprising to me. I'd hoped that a creative process like painting would hit different. But I guess not? > I wonder if there’s going to be something he can get in at the ground floor on that can provide the edge early computing did for me. It's a great point and I wonder the same. Something to keep an eye out for sure!
Aurornis 2y ago
> The conclusion amongst friends we've come to is that screens are not inherently the problem -- even video games are not really the problem. The problem is Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Blaming specific social media platforms (that I’m guessing you don’t use) is not as accurate as you’d expect. For example, the worst offender I’ve seen in slightly older kids is actually Reddit, which many tech-minded parents don’t include in their “bad social media sites” mental list because they think it’s not as bad as the others. Using your sugar analogy: The few people I knew growing up whose parents had severe sugar restrictions at home ended up having very poor eating habits when they were older. They would consume sugary foods and drinks at higher rates then normal when given the freedom because it was a forbidden treat and they felt the need to binge because they never knew when they’d be allowed to access it again. A similar thing seems to happen with kids who are overly restricted from TV, games, and other content: They never learn to regulate or moderate, only binge when the opportunity presents. In my opinion, setting structure, limits, and teaching moderation with consequences for breaking the rules seems to produce better results. The parents of today who impose harsh and extreme regulations on kids, even with good intentions, are discovering the hard way what everyone else learned about restrictive households in decades past. > I had a TI99 at age 4(ish), a C64 soon thereafter, and away I went. Tech toys at this level still exist. In fact, old Nintendo or C64 games are still fun for kids. Those old calculators are still available. You don’t have to try to substitute a smartphone with the whole internet and all the apps for a narrowly directed learning experience of your youth.
- nlh 2y ago
  Great points and great suggestions -- thank you!!
bravetraveler 2y ago
I'm not sure 'tech' is similar enough then and now. The main concern I have relates to professions made around optimizing engagement. Full-on studies leading to behavioral adjustment things. The most immediate example I have: "infinite scrolling" to keep you lost in the feed. The early internet was finite by comparison. There were some nuggets, but mostly trash. This encouraged creation or simply walking away when you've seen enough. This has flipped. There was a bit of effort to pump the IV, not a constant drip. Heck, remember link sites? Many people created their first internet contribution by simply listing things they thought were neat. The link sites had the unintended effect of making the pile to search through bigger, too. There was a certain nature to it that encouraged limitation where we do the exact opposite now. All that to say - I think your difficulties are warranted. Focusing on the service may be a mistake. Exposure comes, having guidance helps of course Trade the pastime for substances. I don't worry about mushrooms being abused nearly as much as even alcohol. Oddly, self-regulation. We live in a time of so much excess that people make a living by extracting attention/trying to convert it to money... for their employer. Not a lot. A tiny bit they never actually see.
Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago
I'm not sure how to face social media yet. For videogames, go with dedicated game consoles and single player games (or local multiplayer, no online). I refused to give my daughter a tablet, but I have a laptop with Linux for her. It will take longer for her to learn how to use it

by nlh 2y ago

sircastor 2y ago

I don’t think it’s exclusively social (which surely is its own kind of poison). My kid mostly consumes video from our local Plex, or paints on the iPad, and it does something to his brain. Throws him off for the rest of the day. It’s gotten to the point where I am trying to keep him off it altogether because he seems to manage so much better. I also want my kid to be exposed to tech. And in a way that’s not purely consumptive. I wonder if there’s going to be something he can get in at the ground floor on that can provide the edge early computing did for me.

nlh 2y ago
Thanks for sharing the experiences. I'm fascinated to hear that painting on the iPad has the same (negative) affects as watching videos from Plex -- it's surprising to me. I'd hoped that a creative process like painting would hit different. But I guess not? > I wonder if there’s going to be something he can get in at the ground floor on that can provide the edge early computing did for me. It's a great point and I wonder the same. Something to keep an eye out for sure!

Aurornis 2y ago

> The conclusion amongst friends we've come to is that screens are not inherently the problem -- even video games are not really the problem. The problem is Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Blaming specific social media platforms (that I’m guessing you don’t use) is not as accurate as you’d expect. For example, the worst offender I’ve seen in slightly older kids is actually Reddit, which many tech-minded parents don’t include in their “bad social media sites” mental list because they think it’s not as bad as the others. Using your sugar analogy: The few people I knew growing up whose parents had severe sugar restrictions at home ended up having very poor eating habits when they were older. They would consume sugary foods and drinks at higher rates then normal when given the freedom because it was a forbidden treat and they felt the need to binge because they never knew when they’d be allowed to access it again. A similar thing seems to happen with kids who are overly restricted from TV, games, and other content: They never learn to regulate or moderate, only binge when the opportunity presents. In my opinion, setting structure, limits, and teaching moderation with consequences for breaking the rules seems to produce better results. The parents of today who impose harsh and extreme regulations on kids, even with good intentions, are discovering the hard way what everyone else learned about restrictive households in decades past. > I had a TI99 at age 4(ish), a C64 soon thereafter, and away I went. Tech toys at this level still exist. In fact, old Nintendo or C64 games are still fun for kids. Those old calculators are still available. You don’t have to try to substitute a smartphone with the whole internet and all the apps for a narrowly directed learning experience of your youth.

nlh 2y ago
Great points and great suggestions -- thank you!!

bravetraveler 2y ago

I'm not sure 'tech' is similar enough then and now. The main concern I have relates to professions made around optimizing engagement. Full-on studies leading to behavioral adjustment things. The most immediate example I have: "infinite scrolling" to keep you lost in the feed. The early internet was finite by comparison. There were some nuggets, but mostly trash. This encouraged creation or simply walking away when you've seen enough. This has flipped. There was a bit of effort to pump the IV, not a constant drip. Heck, remember link sites? Many people created their first internet contribution by simply listing things they thought were neat. The link sites had the unintended effect of making the pile to search through bigger, too. There was a certain nature to it that encouraged limitation where we do the exact opposite now. All that to say - I think your difficulties are warranted. Focusing on the service may be a mistake. Exposure comes, having guidance helps of course Trade the pastime for substances. I don't worry about mushrooms being abused nearly as much as even alcohol. Oddly, self-regulation. We live in a time of so much excess that people make a living by extracting attention/trying to convert it to money... for their employer. Not a lot. A tiny bit they never actually see.

Fire-Dragon-DoL 2y ago

I'm not sure how to face social media yet. For videogames, go with dedicated game consoles and single player games (or local multiplayer, no online). I refused to give my daughter a tablet, but I have a laptop with Linux for her. It will take longer for her to learn how to use it