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>I feel it is my duty to care for my parents As a parent and a child who saw my parents waste all of their youth being a cook/nurse/maid for my paternal grandp

>I feel it is my duty to care for my parents As a parent and a child who saw my parents waste all of their youth being a cook/nurse/maid for my paternal grandparents that lived way too long, I feel it is my duty to end myself (I’m sure this is easier said than done), or at least free my kids of the expectation that they need to care for me, so that they can prioritize their life for themselves and their kids’ futures. Transport to a few doctor appointments and helping out a few hours per week is no big deal, but I don’t want to see my kids organizing their life around supporting me.

jajko 3y ago
This so much. I will never ever want to ruin my kid's life with such an expectation, I moved permanently to society where basic dignity is cca guaranteed if possible, and if it cannot be provided, so be it, death of me is fine and just a question of time. I wish to still being able to end it myself, on my terms, somewhere not bothering anybody, causing as little problems as possible (and settle will well ahead of it). My useless last years are worthless compared to (remaining) prime age of the most important people in my lives - my children. What kind of piece of shit I would be to expect them to waste it on me. Now is the time to live your life to see it as well spend, whatever it means to you. Then you can be dying in peace. You really can live off good stuff in life for a long time, and raising kids well is the ultimate achievement for me. There is one issue with all this - I can't take such care for my own parents due to big distance. I can though easily pay for full support in any way they will ever require, which is still massively better objectively than me risking getting fired constantly and juggling their needs with my & my family. So the transition generation and those just before doesn't have it easiest, but I honestly believe this is the right, non-selfish way. And if I succumb to dementia (which is never sudden), I will specifically beg all around me repeatedly that I want as little time & energy from them as possible, just a bit to cover their own emotional needs and happiness. Anything above is just a gift that shouldn't be too common.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  > death of me is fine and just a question of time. I wish to still being able to end it myself, on my terms, somewhere not bothering anybody, causing as little problems as possible I've heard this sentiment over and over again, from older people around me growing up, and then from my peers as I've aged. I think most of them were perfectly sincere when they said it, some said it regularly for years. In the end though, zero of these people chose suicide in the end. Despite many of them ultimately having severe chronic illnesses and disability. I'm not saying you're wrong to say this, or even to believe it about yourself. But something I've noticed in working with disability work is that disabled people still generally find life worth living, still find the cost worth it. You want to end it "when the time comes" but probably the time will never come.
  - lotsofpulp 3y ago
    Did they have foolproof, painless assisted suicide as an option? As far as I know, that is not really available anywhere except for when the doctors prescribe extra morphine once someone is in their final days and is unable to administer it to themselves and “warns” their family what would happen if too much morphine is given.
    - geodel 3y ago
      Well you are right about foolproof part. But then it is just saying for effect that I'd rather be dead than imposing on my kids
      - bombcar 3y ago
        Just be sure you've talked to your kids beforehand, because they may not feel the same way and may feel betrayed.
    - polski-g 3y ago
      Oregon, Canada, Netherlands all have it. Also could jump off a building.
      - 3y ago
elzbardico 3y ago
Secretly, that's what I think too. The biggest problem is the estigma associated with Euthanasia and the potential mental issues related to guilty it could induce in my kids, should I ever need to consider it before becoming a burden to them. I had to care for my mother for a long part of my adult life, and while I loved her, I must admit that I frequently resented the feeling of having my youth years being stolen. For a few years I even left my family because I didn't want to make my wife and kids share this burden at the worst phase.
ip26 3y ago
I like to imagine following the kids around like a friendly barnacle. Dragging young adults away from their prospects seems avoidable that way, let them drive and follow along.

jajko 3y ago

This so much. I will never ever want to ruin my kid's life with such an expectation, I moved permanently to society where basic dignity is cca guaranteed if possible, and if it cannot be provided, so be it, death of me is fine and just a question of time. I wish to still being able to end it myself, on my terms, somewhere not bothering anybody, causing as little problems as possible (and settle will well ahead of it). My useless last years are worthless compared to (remaining) prime age of the most important people in my lives - my children. What kind of piece of shit I would be to expect them to waste it on me. Now is the time to live your life to see it as well spend, whatever it means to you. Then you can be dying in peace. You really can live off good stuff in life for a long time, and raising kids well is the ultimate achievement for me. There is one issue with all this - I can't take such care for my own parents due to big distance. I can though easily pay for full support in any way they will ever require, which is still massively better objectively than me risking getting fired constantly and juggling their needs with my & my family. So the transition generation and those just before doesn't have it easiest, but I honestly believe this is the right, non-selfish way. And if I succumb to dementia (which is never sudden), I will specifically beg all around me repeatedly that I want as little time & energy from them as possible, just a bit to cover their own emotional needs and happiness. Anything above is just a gift that shouldn't be too common.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
> death of me is fine and just a question of time. I wish to still being able to end it myself, on my terms, somewhere not bothering anybody, causing as little problems as possible I've heard this sentiment over and over again, from older people around me growing up, and then from my peers as I've aged. I think most of them were perfectly sincere when they said it, some said it regularly for years. In the end though, zero of these people chose suicide in the end. Despite many of them ultimately having severe chronic illnesses and disability. I'm not saying you're wrong to say this, or even to believe it about yourself. But something I've noticed in working with disability work is that disabled people still generally find life worth living, still find the cost worth it. You want to end it "when the time comes" but probably the time will never come.
- lotsofpulp 3y ago
  Did they have foolproof, painless assisted suicide as an option? As far as I know, that is not really available anywhere except for when the doctors prescribe extra morphine once someone is in their final days and is unable to administer it to themselves and “warns” their family what would happen if too much morphine is given.
  - geodel 3y ago
    Well you are right about foolproof part. But then it is just saying for effect that I'd rather be dead than imposing on my kids
    - bombcar 3y ago
      Just be sure you've talked to your kids beforehand, because they may not feel the same way and may feel betrayed.
  - polski-g 3y ago
    Oregon, Canada, Netherlands all have it. Also could jump off a building.
    - 3y ago

elzbardico 3y ago

Secretly, that's what I think too. The biggest problem is the estigma associated with Euthanasia and the potential mental issues related to guilty it could induce in my kids, should I ever need to consider it before becoming a burden to them. I had to care for my mother for a long part of my adult life, and while I loved her, I must admit that I frequently resented the feeling of having my youth years being stolen. For a few years I even left my family because I didn't want to make my wife and kids share this burden at the worst phase.

ip26 3y ago

I like to imagine following the kids around like a friendly barnacle. Dragging young adults away from their prospects seems avoidable that way, let them drive and follow along.