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One of the most important characteristics in a partner is authenticity. If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that r

One of the most important characteristics in a partner is authenticity. If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that real?

dathos 2y ago
So you don’t have a birthday calendar?
q7xvh97o2pDhNrh 2y ago
> If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that real? I did confess to my girlfriend once that I'd never thought of getting her flowers, and that every time I had bought her flowers in the past was actually just the output of a Chinese room. [1] She said it was fine, and she liked the flowers either way. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room
joshuahutt 2y ago
They didn't think of it "themselves," but they did choose to do it.
ifyoubuildit 2y ago
Well, they cared enough to use the app. Doesn't that count for something?
furyofantares 2y ago
What if they thought of using an app to think up ways to make you happy
- gred 2y ago
  That's a 10x lover!
pjerem 2y ago
I’d say yes. We are all flawed. It’s not because you are busy or because your brain is tired that you don’t love your partner. Being spontaneous requires energy. A lot of people lack energy but still loves their partner. Following the prompt isn’t mandatory, just take it as a source of inspiration for when you want to be kind but have no idea.
- outop 2y ago
  > Being spontaneous requires energy. A lot of people lack energy but still loves their partner. The point is that you have a limited amount of energy, but you chose to dedicate some of it to something your partner would like. Optimising by reducing the amount of energy you use to do that defeats the purpose.
  - bequanna 2y ago
    Uh huh. Try having a couple kids and then apply this kind of reasoning. There simply isn’t enough time or energy to do everything you want for your family. If you can leverage technology and good ideas to enhance your experiences and relationships, do it.
    - pjerem 2y ago
      Yeah honestly I’d be very happy to be at the receiving end of such an app. (But not this one because I’m pretty suspicious about this mandatory account creation and the fact that they didn’t release in France because of data laws - which are not stronger than GDPR)
      - Joakim_Habekost 2y ago
        Hi, Thank you for your comment, regarding the Data Laws in France, they require a datasheet of encryption for Apple Appstore, something our team have never made before. Otherwise the data law is the same, yes. Any tips are welcome.
        2y ago
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
bhaney 2y ago
Is it real if they just buy the flowers instead of growing them? If they take you to a restaurant where someone else cooks the food and not them? It's not like this app is taking anyone by the marionette strings and forcing them to be romantic - they're still seeking out romantic ideas to make their partner happy, picking one, and carrying it out. Sure, showing personal creativity might be more romantic, but I don't think seeking out fun ideas that your partner will enjoy is particularly inauthentic.
SeanAnderson 2y ago
Yeah, it does count. I don't remember all my friend's birthdays off the top of my head. I write them in Google Calendar. It definitely gives people a better, and more appreciated, experience by having their important dates remembered via the use of technology vs being forgotten entirely. It seems fine to extend this rationale out further.
thih9 2y ago
Depends. If someone defers their decision making process to an app and blindly gets flowers when it tells them to, I wouldn’t like that. If someone uses an app like this as an inspiration or a reminder, then I could see this working well. And then again there is the gray area where things get mixed.
werber 2y ago
I think someone downloading an app to help them be more spontaneous for a partner who wants that is extremely authentic, it takes someone seeing that they have a blind spot.
jmcmaster 2y ago
One of the ways you become authentic is by practicing something you want to become. It’s doing the thing consistently that leads to character development. Also, if you and your partner value different love languages (my partner is meh on flowers, I spent time in high school doing floral arrangements) then having a guide to help you translate could be super helpful. Disappointed this is EU and USA only for now but will see if it shows up in my country soon.
- Joakim_Habekost 2y ago
  jmcmaster Thank you for taking the time to comment!! Let me know where you are from and I can let you know. I'm working as fast as possible, but I'm also being careful, I really don't want to do anything wrong with the datalaws. So for now we are only publishing when we know we are good, legally speaking.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
tdeck 2y ago
If I set a calendar reminder to call my mom on Mother's Day, is that less authentic?
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
bequanna 2y ago
So, following your line of reasoning: buying jewelry, flowers, going to a movie or a restaurant is all bullshit and inauthentic because you didn’t have it as an original idea? I guess I understand your desire to be creative and original in expressing affection. But, in the real world, ideas are cheap and execution is the hard part!
closewith 2y ago
Is it more real because it's the result of decades of marketing efforts, as almost all flower purchases are?
Neynt 2y ago
I think this deserves some expansion. In receiving flowers, the value the recipient gets is not so much the flowers themselves, but by what the gift betrays about your mind state. This authentic information about your mind state is what makes the act “real”. So it is reasonable to consider the act less real or even a bit deceptive if the mind state that you’d first expect the act to imply (they care about me and thought to get flowers) does not reflect your true mind state (they cared about me enough at some point in the past to set up this app).
- personjerry 2y ago
  I think you're saying "it's the thought that counts" and it's good enough that they thought to get you something, even if the idea comes from an app? But then why use an app at all then, you could get them a used bottlecap and "it's the thought that counts"
- Volundr 2y ago
  I think your looking at this wrong. They care about you enough that they wanted to keep the relationship interesting and not fall into the trap of complacency that's so easy to fall into as time rolls on. Enough that they took steps to remind themselves not to take you for granted, and still enough that they take those reminders to heart. It's not like getting flowers or planning a picnic or whatever becomes zero effort because an app reminded you. You had to look at that reminder and care to act upon it.
  - Neynt 2y ago
    That's all true. I'm just saying if they knew that you needed this app to get them flowers, then a.) they would likely feel a bit disappointed vs. if it was all you, and b.) that is not unreasonable.

One of the most important characteristics in a partner is authenticity. If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that real?

dathos 2y ago

So you don’t have a birthday calendar?

q7xvh97o2pDhNrh 2y ago

> If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that real? I did confess to my girlfriend once that I'd never thought of getting her flowers, and that every time I had bought her flowers in the past was actually just the output of a Chinese room. [1] She said it was fine, and she liked the flowers either way. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room

joshuahutt 2y ago

They didn't think of it "themselves," but they did choose to do it.

ifyoubuildit 2y ago

Well, they cared enough to use the app. Doesn't that count for something?

furyofantares 2y ago

What if they thought of using an app to think up ways to make you happy

gred 2y ago
That's a 10x lover!

pjerem 2y ago

I’d say yes. We are all flawed. It’s not because you are busy or because your brain is tired that you don’t love your partner. Being spontaneous requires energy. A lot of people lack energy but still loves their partner. Following the prompt isn’t mandatory, just take it as a source of inspiration for when you want to be kind but have no idea.

outop 2y ago
> Being spontaneous requires energy. A lot of people lack energy but still loves their partner. The point is that you have a limited amount of energy, but you chose to dedicate some of it to something your partner would like. Optimising by reducing the amount of energy you use to do that defeats the purpose.
- bequanna 2y ago
  Uh huh. Try having a couple kids and then apply this kind of reasoning. There simply isn’t enough time or energy to do everything you want for your family. If you can leverage technology and good ideas to enhance your experiences and relationships, do it.
  - pjerem 2y ago
    Yeah honestly I’d be very happy to be at the receiving end of such an app. (But not this one because I’m pretty suspicious about this mandatory account creation and the fact that they didn’t release in France because of data laws - which are not stronger than GDPR)
    - Joakim_Habekost 2y ago
      Hi, Thank you for your comment, regarding the Data Laws in France, they require a datasheet of encryption for Apple Appstore, something our team have never made before. Otherwise the data law is the same, yes. Any tips are welcome.
      - 2y ago

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

bhaney 2y ago

Is it real if they just buy the flowers instead of growing them? If they take you to a restaurant where someone else cooks the food and not them? It's not like this app is taking anyone by the marionette strings and forcing them to be romantic - they're still seeking out romantic ideas to make their partner happy, picking one, and carrying it out. Sure, showing personal creativity might be more romantic, but I don't think seeking out fun ideas that your partner will enjoy is particularly inauthentic.

SeanAnderson 2y ago

Yeah, it does count. I don't remember all my friend's birthdays off the top of my head. I write them in Google Calendar. It definitely gives people a better, and more appreciated, experience by having their important dates remembered via the use of technology vs being forgotten entirely. It seems fine to extend this rationale out further.

thih9 2y ago

Depends. If someone defers their decision making process to an app and blindly gets flowers when it tells them to, I wouldn’t like that. If someone uses an app like this as an inspiration or a reminder, then I could see this working well. And then again there is the gray area where things get mixed.

werber 2y ago

I think someone downloading an app to help them be more spontaneous for a partner who wants that is extremely authentic, it takes someone seeing that they have a blind spot.

jmcmaster 2y ago

One of the ways you become authentic is by practicing something you want to become. It’s doing the thing consistently that leads to character development. Also, if you and your partner value different love languages (my partner is meh on flowers, I spent time in high school doing floral arrangements) then having a guide to help you translate could be super helpful. Disappointed this is EU and USA only for now but will see if it shows up in my country soon.

Joakim_Habekost 2y ago
jmcmaster Thank you for taking the time to comment!! Let me know where you are from and I can let you know. I'm working as fast as possible, but I'm also being careful, I really don't want to do anything wrong with the datalaws. So for now we are only publishing when we know we are good, legally speaking.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

tdeck 2y ago

If I set a calendar reminder to call my mom on Mother's Day, is that less authentic?

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

bequanna 2y ago

So, following your line of reasoning: buying jewelry, flowers, going to a movie or a restaurant is all bullshit and inauthentic because you didn’t have it as an original idea? I guess I understand your desire to be creative and original in expressing affection. But, in the real world, ideas are cheap and execution is the hard part!

closewith 2y ago

Is it more real because it's the result of decades of marketing efforts, as almost all flower purchases are?

Neynt 2y ago

I think this deserves some expansion. In receiving flowers, the value the recipient gets is not so much the flowers themselves, but by what the gift betrays about your mind state. This authentic information about your mind state is what makes the act “real”. So it is reasonable to consider the act less real or even a bit deceptive if the mind state that you’d first expect the act to imply (they care about me and thought to get flowers) does not reflect your true mind state (they cared about me enough at some point in the past to set up this app).

personjerry 2y ago
I think you're saying "it's the thought that counts" and it's good enough that they thought to get you something, even if the idea comes from an app? But then why use an app at all then, you could get them a used bottlecap and "it's the thought that counts"
Volundr 2y ago
I think your looking at this wrong. They care about you enough that they wanted to keep the relationship interesting and not fall into the trap of complacency that's so easy to fall into as time rolls on. Enough that they took steps to remind themselves not to take you for granted, and still enough that they take those reminders to heart. It's not like getting flowers or planning a picnic or whatever becomes zero effort because an app reminded you. You had to look at that reminder and care to act upon it.
- Neynt 2y ago
  That's all true. I'm just saying if they knew that you needed this app to get them flowers, then a.) they would likely feel a bit disappointed vs. if it was all you, and b.) that is not unreasonable.