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I think the problem is two-fold: 1. Third places are few and far between. 2. People have lost the will and/or ability to spontaneously socialize with stranger

I think the problem is two-fold: 1. Third places are few and far between. 2. People have lost the will and/or ability to spontaneously socialize with strangers around them. I don't see any realistic solution to this problem. The convenience of online "socialization" is too much for people to resist and I don't think most people understand what a poor substitute that is for actual human interaction.

maigret 2y ago
Very true all. It might be harder to find a third place, but I think it is still very possible. There are people out there who like to be social. That muscle might be hard to rebuild after COVID, but many communities are still there.
llamaimperative 2y ago
If you build environments where people bump into the same people with high frequency and low stakes, they will socialize.
- citizenkeen 2y ago
  I recently got into TCGs for the first time in 20 years (I’m in my 40s), and holy hell is the structured activity with recurring people liberating. I’ve made more fiends in the last six weeks than I had in the previous three years.
  - brg 2y ago
    I had a similar path. In the 90’s I was very much into Magic. Too much. But in 2017 I picked up Pokémon TCG and enjoyed it immensely. The local scene was strong pre-covid, and regional tournaments were a blast.
  - sneak 2y ago
    The formula is simple: show up in the same place at the same time, over and over again, as part of a group that does the same. This is why so many friendships and relationships come out of work and school. For me, it happened by accident, first in the techno music scene (clubs and parties are third places), and then again in the poker scene in Las Vegas. 100% of my local friends in Vegas are math/strategy nerds.
  - jaredsohn 2y ago
    TCG = trading card games from what i can tell (looked it up)
- randomdata 2y ago
  The premise here seems to be that people are generally no longer explicitly looking for socialization (if they ever did). If you build an environment for the sole purpose of socialization, they aren't apt to come. People haven't stopped going outside. Certainly if you give some other reason to get together (to play a sport, to listen to bands play music, whatever) on a frequent basis, then yes, socialization is bound to occur as part of that, but that is not the same as having a place centred around socialization; a place where you can turn up when you feel like it and find other people there also waiting to socialize.
  - llamaimperative 2y ago
    Did you mean to reply to a different comment? The trick is not to have socializing be a destination. It ought to be a byproduct of normal life. In a car-dominated world there are no such things as chance encounters and we’re all acting confused as to why people can’t build relationships.
    - randomdata 2y ago
      > The trick is not to have socializing be a destination. The trick of the third place is that it is a destination. But perhaps you are recognizing why the third place is difficult to support: There are a million other places to socialize. A destination isn't necessary. > In a car-dominated world there are no such things as chance encounters Why not? Hell, just last night I was driving my car and noticed the aurora, so I stopped to look at it, and then someone else came along and stopped too. We had a good 20 minute chat before parting ways. Without cars, I would have probably been at home and probably wouldn't have talked to anyone.
      - llamaimperative 2y ago
        A third place is difficult to support because people don’t want to go there to socialize with people they don’t know. That’s the whole point! Neighborhood pubs are great because you run into the same people you run into in various other parts of your life. When you meet someone at the grocery store you can say “I’ll be at the pub later if you wanted to come by” and that is a low stakes invitation both to offer and to accept. You need loose connections to make a third place functional whatsoever, and those loose connections cannot emerge when everyone is going from steel box to drywall box to steel box. Your example is a great argument but not for the point you’re trying to make. People talk when they are given the chance to talk in a low stakes environment. It took an extremely rare natural event to get you to stop your car and by golly, look, people talked!
randomdata 2y ago
> Third places are few and far between. Or is it that the places are too common? When I lived in the big city, there were all kinds of places that could have been the third place, but with so many options to choose from nothing ever established itself as the place to be. People would just aimlessly bounce around to them all instead of settling on one place to consistently show up to. Now that I live in a rural area, where there are only a few places to go – period – everyone seems to congregate around them, and thus finding that third place is quite easy.
- xxxtentachyon 2y ago
  Oh dang this is a good take. I live on a city block that has no fewer than 300 people, but we have at least three options for third places depending on your criteria. If we had just one in reasonable travel distance, and people couldn’t self-select, perhaps we’d be more neighborly
_DeadFred_ 2y ago
People have lost the willingness to build/contribute to such spaces, they just want them to magically exist in the off chance they might want to drop in. The very act of creating social clubs has been stigmatized as dumb/dork/out culture. The places that did exist other than the VFW only have the generation before baby boomers left going to them which is now self fulling in guaranteeing no new people will join. Next to go will be any local symphony/theaters/museums that depend on season ticket holders and committed fundraisers as the new 'everything just exists in case I want to just drop in' culture stops buying season tickets and only come on the 'free' open hours intended to get new supporting members to see the value of the places' existence.

maigret 2y ago

Very true all. It might be harder to find a third place, but I think it is still very possible. There are people out there who like to be social. That muscle might be hard to rebuild after COVID, but many communities are still there.

llamaimperative 2y ago

If you build environments where people bump into the same people with high frequency and low stakes, they will socialize.

citizenkeen 2y ago
I recently got into TCGs for the first time in 20 years (I’m in my 40s), and holy hell is the structured activity with recurring people liberating. I’ve made more fiends in the last six weeks than I had in the previous three years.
- brg 2y ago
  I had a similar path. In the 90’s I was very much into Magic. Too much. But in 2017 I picked up Pokémon TCG and enjoyed it immensely. The local scene was strong pre-covid, and regional tournaments were a blast.
- sneak 2y ago
  The formula is simple: show up in the same place at the same time, over and over again, as part of a group that does the same. This is why so many friendships and relationships come out of work and school. For me, it happened by accident, first in the techno music scene (clubs and parties are third places), and then again in the poker scene in Las Vegas. 100% of my local friends in Vegas are math/strategy nerds.
- jaredsohn 2y ago
  TCG = trading card games from what i can tell (looked it up)
randomdata 2y ago
The premise here seems to be that people are generally no longer explicitly looking for socialization (if they ever did). If you build an environment for the sole purpose of socialization, they aren't apt to come. People haven't stopped going outside. Certainly if you give some other reason to get together (to play a sport, to listen to bands play music, whatever) on a frequent basis, then yes, socialization is bound to occur as part of that, but that is not the same as having a place centred around socialization; a place where you can turn up when you feel like it and find other people there also waiting to socialize.
- llamaimperative 2y ago
  Did you mean to reply to a different comment? The trick is not to have socializing be a destination. It ought to be a byproduct of normal life. In a car-dominated world there are no such things as chance encounters and we’re all acting confused as to why people can’t build relationships.
  - randomdata 2y ago
    > The trick is not to have socializing be a destination. The trick of the third place is that it is a destination. But perhaps you are recognizing why the third place is difficult to support: There are a million other places to socialize. A destination isn't necessary. > In a car-dominated world there are no such things as chance encounters Why not? Hell, just last night I was driving my car and noticed the aurora, so I stopped to look at it, and then someone else came along and stopped too. We had a good 20 minute chat before parting ways. Without cars, I would have probably been at home and probably wouldn't have talked to anyone.
    - llamaimperative 2y ago
      A third place is difficult to support because people don’t want to go there to socialize with people they don’t know. That’s the whole point! Neighborhood pubs are great because you run into the same people you run into in various other parts of your life. When you meet someone at the grocery store you can say “I’ll be at the pub later if you wanted to come by” and that is a low stakes invitation both to offer and to accept. You need loose connections to make a third place functional whatsoever, and those loose connections cannot emerge when everyone is going from steel box to drywall box to steel box. Your example is a great argument but not for the point you’re trying to make. People talk when they are given the chance to talk in a low stakes environment. It took an extremely rare natural event to get you to stop your car and by golly, look, people talked!

randomdata 2y ago

> Third places are few and far between. Or is it that the places are too common? When I lived in the big city, there were all kinds of places that could have been the third place, but with so many options to choose from nothing ever established itself as the place to be. People would just aimlessly bounce around to them all instead of settling on one place to consistently show up to. Now that I live in a rural area, where there are only a few places to go – period – everyone seems to congregate around them, and thus finding that third place is quite easy.

xxxtentachyon 2y ago
Oh dang this is a good take. I live on a city block that has no fewer than 300 people, but we have at least three options for third places depending on your criteria. If we had just one in reasonable travel distance, and people couldn’t self-select, perhaps we’d be more neighborly

_DeadFred_ 2y ago

People have lost the willingness to build/contribute to such spaces, they just want them to magically exist in the off chance they might want to drop in. The very act of creating social clubs has been stigmatized as dumb/dork/out culture. The places that did exist other than the VFW only have the generation before baby boomers left going to them which is now self fulling in guaranteeing no new people will join. Next to go will be any local symphony/theaters/museums that depend on season ticket holders and committed fundraisers as the new 'everything just exists in case I want to just drop in' culture stops buying season tickets and only come on the 'free' open hours intended to get new supporting members to see the value of the places' existence.