4 ms·

I don't think those who're actively trying to cheat are doing a lot of thinking, their libido is doing the driving and the brain is just the passenger.

dotnet00 2y ago
Yeah that's fair, particularly considering that signing up to a cheating site is even more deliberate than the usual "it just happened" type of cheating.
standardUser 2y ago
I don't think people cheat because they are horny, primarily. They're unhappy in their current relationship and cheating is a tool to sabotage or end the relationship. In that sense, the risk is the entire point.
- dageshi 2y ago
  I think they're probably unhappy with their current relationship because their libido thinks they ought to be having sex with a younger attractive woman and they're not. Is this also self sabotaging a relationship? Sure, but if they wanted out of a relationship then they could do that via divorce. Actively searching for a new sexual partner seems to me to be what it appears to be on the tin... looking for someone new to sleep with.
  - standardUser 2y ago
    > if they wanted out of a relationship then they could do that via divorce. People often don't know if they really want to end a relationship or not and even if they did, breaking up is hard to do. They don't just get divorced one day, there's usually years of lead up. And as people start to grow apart or to resent each other, they can act out in all kinds of ways, including cheating. And if someone is too afraid to pull the trigger and actually end a relationship, getting caught cheating is a great shortcut.
- nicklecompte 2y ago
  Trying to come up with a grand unified theory of infidelity is just setting yourself up for heartbreak and confusion. People cheat for tons of different reasons under tons of different circumstances. A very common circumstance is called "alcohol."
gwbas1c 2y ago
I wouldn't make too many assumptions about someone who's cheating. Sex doesn't have to come with love: You can want to spend your life with someone and still desire sex outside of the marriage. As a married dad, a few years I suspected that a married mother, at the bus stop, was feeling me out for an affair. I was both flattered and terrified. A year later she and her husband initiated divorce. The thing is, if my wife and I were different kinds of people, jumping into an affair like that would be totally fine. We aren't, but I don't judge people who do. (If you're religious, think of concepts like Free Will and Non-Judgement.) (It's one of the reasons why I never went back to Burning Man, I was really creeped out when an old, married couple propositioned me and a girl I was hitting on for an orgy.)

dotnet00 2y ago

Yeah that's fair, particularly considering that signing up to a cheating site is even more deliberate than the usual "it just happened" type of cheating.

standardUser 2y ago

I don't think people cheat because they are horny, primarily. They're unhappy in their current relationship and cheating is a tool to sabotage or end the relationship. In that sense, the risk is the entire point.

dageshi 2y ago
I think they're probably unhappy with their current relationship because their libido thinks they ought to be having sex with a younger attractive woman and they're not. Is this also self sabotaging a relationship? Sure, but if they wanted out of a relationship then they could do that via divorce. Actively searching for a new sexual partner seems to me to be what it appears to be on the tin... looking for someone new to sleep with.
- standardUser 2y ago
  > if they wanted out of a relationship then they could do that via divorce. People often don't know if they really want to end a relationship or not and even if they did, breaking up is hard to do. They don't just get divorced one day, there's usually years of lead up. And as people start to grow apart or to resent each other, they can act out in all kinds of ways, including cheating. And if someone is too afraid to pull the trigger and actually end a relationship, getting caught cheating is a great shortcut.
nicklecompte 2y ago
Trying to come up with a grand unified theory of infidelity is just setting yourself up for heartbreak and confusion. People cheat for tons of different reasons under tons of different circumstances. A very common circumstance is called "alcohol."

gwbas1c 2y ago

I wouldn't make too many assumptions about someone who's cheating. Sex doesn't have to come with love: You can want to spend your life with someone and still desire sex outside of the marriage. As a married dad, a few years I suspected that a married mother, at the bus stop, was feeling me out for an affair. I was both flattered and terrified. A year later she and her husband initiated divorce. The thing is, if my wife and I were different kinds of people, jumping into an affair like that would be totally fine. We aren't, but I don't judge people who do. (If you're religious, think of concepts like Free Will and Non-Judgement.) (It's one of the reasons why I never went back to Burning Man, I was really creeped out when an old, married couple propositioned me and a girl I was hitting on for an orgy.)