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I’d like to post a different sort of off-topic comment. As someone who’s married to a brilliant programmer and has a daughter almost a year old, thank you for s

I’d like to post a different sort of off-topic comment. As someone who’s married to a brilliant programmer and has a daughter almost a year old, thank you for showing a public example of simply being a woman in tech. We don’t plan on shoving our daughter in front of an editor from a young age — we have no expectations of her, and she’s free to be whoever she wants to. But one reason my wife didn’t get into programming till her mid 20s was that there weren’t any examples of people like herself doing it. It didn’t occur to her that she might have a talent for it, or even enjoy it. It’s a bit like a man not realizing he might be a great dancer, simply because most dancers are women, and so he never explores the question. I guess I’m just grateful you’re tipping the scales in the other direction. The work doesn’t need to be anything spectacular or solve all the world’s problems; solving your own problems with code is the essence of hacking. I hope that our daughter Kess grows up in a world filled with many more people like yourself. I went back and forth about whether to even post this, for obvious reasons. But ultimately I have no way of thanking you other than this, and it meant a lot to me to see your work on the front page. I hope you have a wonderful week, and that your project achieves everything you were hoping for.

stormqueen 3y ago
Thank you for your positive comment. I really appreciate that – the topic of women in the tech industry is particularly close to my heart! I wish you and your family all the best – you made my day :)
- sillysaurusx 3y ago
  I was honestly terrified to post it. I didn’t want to cause you any problems (e.g. if the replies turned into a dumpster fire) or any weirdness (it’s really hard to strike a balance between saying everything you want to, and not being overbearing about it). It’s a relief that the message made it to you and brightened up your day a bit more. All the best to your family as well — we hope to have two one day too.
  - freedomben 3y ago
    I debated saying something like this too because I've had it backfire, but in a way I didn't expect. My daughter was excited to go to a coding camp with me, until several people (not all at the same time) each stopped to praise her for being a girl, and me for bringing my daughter. Everyone truly had the best of intentions, but the unfortunate impact was it gave her a bunch of attention that she didn't want, and only served to raise her awareness of how few girls there were. It made her feel more like a misfit and an alien. Afer she realized that it wasn't "normal for a girl to do coding," she didn't want to go anymore. That was a hard and heartbreaking lesson for me. I don't know if it's even applicable outside of my circle, but figured I'd mention it in case it's helpful to others who are trying to create a warm/welcome/inclusive environment. Since then I basically just try to "act normal." It's a hard problem.
    - sillysaurusx 3y ago
      That! This! Thank you for talking about it and putting it into words. Not only is it applicable, I’ve had so many discussions about it with my wife. Her central theme is "treat us normally; stop making it a big deal" but with the added context of "it sucks that there aren’t many examples of that." So it’s a balance between the two. I told my wife your story and she said yup, that checks out. I wanted to touch on this but couldn’t figure out how to fit it in. She points out that the thing not to do is to be like "wow, you’re a girl!" and instead showcase examples of women coding. It’s the showcasing part that helps them feel like they belong. She notes that it would be cool if people would just say "this is Ada Lovelace, she was the first programmer" instead of doing the usual thing of saying "the first programmer was a woman". They might seem equivalent to us, but it feels way different to experience, and it’s something that I couldn’t appreciate until a few instances of me feeling out of place as a man. And then I realized that’s how women feel in tech. That’s also why OP’s example meant so much to me. It was completely casual, which is the only way my daughter might feel like she belongs too. Thanks again, and you also have a wonderful week.
      - teddyh 3y ago
        Another person’s explanation: <https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14702676 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14702676>
washadjeffmad 3y ago
I spent 7 hours last night picking out and building pre-summer flower arrangements and gift bundles for our wonderfully patient and kind office managers. If my grandmother hadn't been forced to learn ikebana as a young woman and continued that on her own in the US as a florist, and if I hadn't had to help her while I was growing up, I in all likelihood would never have been able to appreciate a good table setting or any of the floral arts, let alone thought to learn them as an independent pursuit - it had to start somewhere. As an adult, I love it, and it used to melt the stress off my ex's face during the holidays when she was planning everything else and I said I'd take care of decorating. Mother's Day is fast approaching, but there's never a bad time to appreciate what the women in your life have taught you and reflect on the effort it took to learn and pass it down.
chrisjj 3y ago
[flagged]
freedomben 3y ago
> I hope that our daughter Kess Voyager fan by chance? :-D
- sillysaurusx 3y ago
  My wife says "it’s because we liked the name, not because of the show" but for me, it was totally the show. :) Turns out there are only like a few dozen people named Kess. It’s one of the rarest names, yet short and simple, which is neat. I sometimes worry I’ve cursed her with the association, since she might find that question annoying someday. But in a decade I doubt there will even be many Voyager fans left, sadly. It’s easy to forget that the show was from 1995, almost three decades ago. Ten years from now Voyager will be turning 40.
YeGoblynQueenne 3y ago
>> It’s a bit like a man not realizing he might be a great dancer, simply because most dancers are women, and so he never explores the question. No offense but that stereotype is incomprehensible. Outside of gay and lesbian clubs, [roughly} half of all dancers are men and the other half women. I suspect you are specifically talking about ballet dancers, but those are a tiny minority, and don't even exist in most of the world. Here's a really cool dude dancing a really cool dance for men (Zaouli, from Cote d' Ivoire): https://youtu.be/jZ572yLH9sc?si=xH4tOaqlfrGYQJiw https://youtu.be/jZ572yLH9sc?si=xH4tOaqlfrGYQJiw
- petsfed 3y ago
  In the States "dancer" is used colloqiually to describe a profession, not simply a person engaged in the act of dancing. It's that "...most dancers are women..." bit that indicates that that's the context in which the parent is speaking. Certainly, that subtext is a little unclear, but if I talked about "dancers" at a wedding, I believe most people would expect that I was describing people dancing professionally. If I instead talked about "people dancing" at a wedding, its more likely I'm talking about people dancing for fun. There's room for "dancer" to mean "person who is actively dancing", e.g. "Jim is a great dancer, but I am not". But I've never heard someone say "I'm a dancer" to simply mean "I dance [at all]". Its technically correct to say "I'm not a dancer", but most people say "I don't/can't dance". In the States, you'll find that the gender ratio in the average dance class (ballet, tap, jazz, hiphop, etc) is strongly skewed toward girls and women. You see similar ratios in college dance degree programs. If you pursue professional training to dance, odds are you're a woman.
  - YeGoblynQueenne 3y ago
    Thanks for the analysis. I hope the next time someone writes "dancer" and means "professional dancer", they think for a second and write "professional dancer" instead. Btw: >> If you pursue professional training to dance, odds are you're a woman. You mean in the US. Reference, please?
    - petsfed 3y ago

stormqueen 3y ago

Thank you for your positive comment. I really appreciate that – the topic of women in the tech industry is particularly close to my heart! I wish you and your family all the best – you made my day :)

sillysaurusx 3y ago
I was honestly terrified to post it. I didn’t want to cause you any problems (e.g. if the replies turned into a dumpster fire) or any weirdness (it’s really hard to strike a balance between saying everything you want to, and not being overbearing about it). It’s a relief that the message made it to you and brightened up your day a bit more. All the best to your family as well — we hope to have two one day too.
- freedomben 3y ago
  I debated saying something like this too because I've had it backfire, but in a way I didn't expect. My daughter was excited to go to a coding camp with me, until several people (not all at the same time) each stopped to praise her for being a girl, and me for bringing my daughter. Everyone truly had the best of intentions, but the unfortunate impact was it gave her a bunch of attention that she didn't want, and only served to raise her awareness of how few girls there were. It made her feel more like a misfit and an alien. Afer she realized that it wasn't "normal for a girl to do coding," she didn't want to go anymore. That was a hard and heartbreaking lesson for me. I don't know if it's even applicable outside of my circle, but figured I'd mention it in case it's helpful to others who are trying to create a warm/welcome/inclusive environment. Since then I basically just try to "act normal." It's a hard problem.
  - sillysaurusx 3y ago
    That! This! Thank you for talking about it and putting it into words. Not only is it applicable, I’ve had so many discussions about it with my wife. Her central theme is "treat us normally; stop making it a big deal" but with the added context of "it sucks that there aren’t many examples of that." So it’s a balance between the two. I told my wife your story and she said yup, that checks out. I wanted to touch on this but couldn’t figure out how to fit it in. She points out that the thing not to do is to be like "wow, you’re a girl!" and instead showcase examples of women coding. It’s the showcasing part that helps them feel like they belong. She notes that it would be cool if people would just say "this is Ada Lovelace, she was the first programmer" instead of doing the usual thing of saying "the first programmer was a woman". They might seem equivalent to us, but it feels way different to experience, and it’s something that I couldn’t appreciate until a few instances of me feeling out of place as a man. And then I realized that’s how women feel in tech. That’s also why OP’s example meant so much to me. It was completely casual, which is the only way my daughter might feel like she belongs too. Thanks again, and you also have a wonderful week.
    - teddyh 3y ago
      Another person’s explanation: <https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14702676 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14702676>

washadjeffmad 3y ago

I spent 7 hours last night picking out and building pre-summer flower arrangements and gift bundles for our wonderfully patient and kind office managers. If my grandmother hadn't been forced to learn ikebana as a young woman and continued that on her own in the US as a florist, and if I hadn't had to help her while I was growing up, I in all likelihood would never have been able to appreciate a good table setting or any of the floral arts, let alone thought to learn them as an independent pursuit - it had to start somewhere. As an adult, I love it, and it used to melt the stress off my ex's face during the holidays when she was planning everything else and I said I'd take care of decorating. Mother's Day is fast approaching, but there's never a bad time to appreciate what the women in your life have taught you and reflect on the effort it took to learn and pass it down.

chrisjj 3y ago

[flagged]

freedomben 3y ago

> I hope that our daughter Kess Voyager fan by chance? :-D

sillysaurusx 3y ago
My wife says "it’s because we liked the name, not because of the show" but for me, it was totally the show. :) Turns out there are only like a few dozen people named Kess. It’s one of the rarest names, yet short and simple, which is neat. I sometimes worry I’ve cursed her with the association, since she might find that question annoying someday. But in a decade I doubt there will even be many Voyager fans left, sadly. It’s easy to forget that the show was from 1995, almost three decades ago. Ten years from now Voyager will be turning 40.

YeGoblynQueenne 3y ago

>> It’s a bit like a man not realizing he might be a great dancer, simply because most dancers are women, and so he never explores the question. No offense but that stereotype is incomprehensible. Outside of gay and lesbian clubs, [roughly} half of all dancers are men and the other half women. I suspect you are specifically talking about ballet dancers, but those are a tiny minority, and don't even exist in most of the world. Here's a really cool dude dancing a really cool dance for men (Zaouli, from Cote d' Ivoire): https://youtu.be/jZ572yLH9sc?si=xH4tOaqlfrGYQJiw https://youtu.be/jZ572yLH9sc?si=xH4tOaqlfrGYQJiw

petsfed 3y ago
In the States "dancer" is used colloqiually to describe a profession, not simply a person engaged in the act of dancing. It's that "...most dancers are women..." bit that indicates that that's the context in which the parent is speaking. Certainly, that subtext is a little unclear, but if I talked about "dancers" at a wedding, I believe most people would expect that I was describing people dancing professionally. If I instead talked about "people dancing" at a wedding, its more likely I'm talking about people dancing for fun. There's room for "dancer" to mean "person who is actively dancing", e.g. "Jim is a great dancer, but I am not". But I've never heard someone say "I'm a dancer" to simply mean "I dance [at all]". Its technically correct to say "I'm not a dancer", but most people say "I don't/can't dance". In the States, you'll find that the gender ratio in the average dance class (ballet, tap, jazz, hiphop, etc) is strongly skewed toward girls and women. You see similar ratios in college dance degree programs. If you pursue professional training to dance, odds are you're a woman.
- YeGoblynQueenne 3y ago
  Thanks for the analysis. I hope the next time someone writes "dancer" and means "professional dancer", they think for a second and write "professional dancer" instead. Btw: >> If you pursue professional training to dance, odds are you're a woman. You mean in the US. Reference, please?
  - petsfed 3y ago