6 ms·

Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder n

by ab71e5 2y ago

Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now?

sublinear 2y ago
It's even easier now to just ask for a number than before the pandemic. The median person seems to have ditched dating apps around that time. Even the stock price of Match Group reflects that. They were in moderate use before and then had a few good years during before falling off a cliff. People who had, up until that point, not bothered trying to use these apps gave them a shot and then ran away. It's never been all that difficult to ask someone out anyway. Discovery of new people got easier when things opened back up. People now make it a point to go out when they didn't before.
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
It's very embarrassing to admit attraction to someone in person. On a dating site you're trusting the site to be the friend who says "Hey you two both like each other".
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
tivert 2y ago
> Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now? I was always too shy to ask a stranger for her number, but do remember a push to make that inappropriate in the 2010s (though that might have been more of an angry online feminist thing, the gist was asking someone for their number was a non-consensual imposition, thus harassment, while online dating was consensual).
- ethbr1 2y ago
  That is fucking insane, pardon my French. People (male and female) need to take ownership of the difference between being uncomfortable and assaulted, because they're very different things. If I ask someone for their number, and they're not comfortable giving it, they say "No thanks." I hear that and I say "No problem! It was nice meeting you" and then forget about it (or leave, as appropriate to the situation). There's discomfort in life, because we're not all psychic. Attempting to normalized discomfort out of life is just going to end up in some weird fun house mirror world, where we're still doing the same things, just through proxies or at arm's length.
prmoustache 2y ago
Dunno but that is how we did it with my partner 4 years ago when we met. We both had an active account on at least one dating app and both having been deceived by all our dates on said app and in the end we met in a totally non dating context. I don't think I would go through the dating app shit show again if I were to be single again.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
slothtrop 2y ago
I expect that it has because the culture has changed. People work from home and don't go out as often. Meetup organizers would avow that most people flake out and don't show up, and those that exist without a meaningful medium binding people together (an activity or game) tend to attract awkward interaction. Once you're out of college, it's a sorry state. Dating apps get worse because these companies know that the alternatives owing to the always-online life are not great. Asking someone out in itself is the same as it always was, what has changed is appropriate opportunities to capitalize on.
- prmoustache 2y ago
  > People work from home and don't go out as often. Is that really the case? I think people feel the need to go out, especially when they are single. Not necessarily for dating purpose but when you have nobody to talk to at home you look more easily at danse/gym classes, sports club, art events, etc.
  - slothtrop 2y ago
    They feel the need increasingly because those needs aren't met. Watercooler talk is gone for many tech people in particular. I've done most of the aforementioned examples, and gyms have not been a place to socialize very much; people are there to train on a schedule, then leave. Sports clubs can be more forgiving but it depends on what you're doing (dancing may be better). I played competitive team sports as an adult a few times and unless you were already part of some in-group, making friends is not that easy. People play then go home. I had the largest returns (socially-speaking) in book clubs and similar groups like that.
    - prmoustache 2y ago
      I mentionned gym classes specufically, not going to the gym. Like I have a few friends who met people within the group of their crossfit/whatever fitness class it was and when I am passing by on the seafront I very often see people doing sports with a coach, some of them having a chat when they are finishing up and wrapping their yoga bag and stuff.

by ab71e5 2y ago

sublinear 2y ago

It's even easier now to just ask for a number than before the pandemic. The median person seems to have ditched dating apps around that time. Even the stock price of Match Group reflects that. They were in moderate use before and then had a few good years during before falling off a cliff. People who had, up until that point, not bothered trying to use these apps gave them a shot and then ran away. It's never been all that difficult to ask someone out anyway. Discovery of new people got easier when things opened back up. People now make it a point to go out when they didn't before.

01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago

It's very embarrassing to admit attraction to someone in person. On a dating site you're trusting the site to be the friend who says "Hey you two both like each other".

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

tivert 2y ago

> Been out of the dating scene quite a while, but for those who are not, has the 'old school' way of meeting people and asking a phone number etc. become harder now? Do people only want to use dating apps for that purpose now? I was always too shy to ask a stranger for her number, but do remember a push to make that inappropriate in the 2010s (though that might have been more of an angry online feminist thing, the gist was asking someone for their number was a non-consensual imposition, thus harassment, while online dating was consensual).

ethbr1 2y ago
That is fucking insane, pardon my French. People (male and female) need to take ownership of the difference between being uncomfortable and assaulted, because they're very different things. If I ask someone for their number, and they're not comfortable giving it, they say "No thanks." I hear that and I say "No problem! It was nice meeting you" and then forget about it (or leave, as appropriate to the situation). There's discomfort in life, because we're not all psychic. Attempting to normalized discomfort out of life is just going to end up in some weird fun house mirror world, where we're still doing the same things, just through proxies or at arm's length.

prmoustache 2y ago

Dunno but that is how we did it with my partner 4 years ago when we met. We both had an active account on at least one dating app and both having been deceived by all our dates on said app and in the end we met in a totally non dating context. I don't think I would go through the dating app shit show again if I were to be single again.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

slothtrop 2y ago

I expect that it has because the culture has changed. People work from home and don't go out as often. Meetup organizers would avow that most people flake out and don't show up, and those that exist without a meaningful medium binding people together (an activity or game) tend to attract awkward interaction. Once you're out of college, it's a sorry state. Dating apps get worse because these companies know that the alternatives owing to the always-online life are not great. Asking someone out in itself is the same as it always was, what has changed is appropriate opportunities to capitalize on.

prmoustache 2y ago
> People work from home and don't go out as often. Is that really the case? I think people feel the need to go out, especially when they are single. Not necessarily for dating purpose but when you have nobody to talk to at home you look more easily at danse/gym classes, sports club, art events, etc.
- slothtrop 2y ago
  They feel the need increasingly because those needs aren't met. Watercooler talk is gone for many tech people in particular. I've done most of the aforementioned examples, and gyms have not been a place to socialize very much; people are there to train on a schedule, then leave. Sports clubs can be more forgiving but it depends on what you're doing (dancing may be better). I played competitive team sports as an adult a few times and unless you were already part of some in-group, making friends is not that easy. People play then go home. I had the largest returns (socially-speaking) in book clubs and similar groups like that.
  - prmoustache 2y ago
    I mentionned gym classes specufically, not going to the gym. Like I have a few friends who met people within the group of their crossfit/whatever fitness class it was and when I am passing by on the seafront I very often see people doing sports with a coach, some of them having a chat when they are finishing up and wrapping their yoga bag and stuff.